00;00;03;23 – 00;00;32;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
Welcome to the abundant coach. I’m your host, Lauren Berlin. This is a weekly podcast about creating full spectrum success with a thriving coaching business, while making a profound difference in the world. Each week, you’ll discover insights, strategies, and inspiration to help you attract your ideal clients. Facilitate real transformation in their lives, and grow your coaching business while living your purpose with true freedom and fulfillment.
00;00;32;02 – 00;01;10;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
Well, welcome to the abundant coach Lauren Berlin Newton here your host, your guide. I’m thrilled to bring you the episode I have planned for you today because it’s about authenticity in business, how to create massive success by being yourself. I think this is something that many, many, not just coaches, but just if you think about being who you are in the world, how comfortable are you letting it all out there, putting it all out there for everybody to see and just letting yourself be truly yourself in front of other people, especially people who are not in your direct circle, not your bestest friends, but anybody that you would be in front of.
00;01;10;10 – 00;01;24;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
And so today we’re definitely going to talk about authenticity in business and how the more authentic you are, the more you will actually see your business grow. But as we always do on these episodes where it’s just me and you and me kind of breaking down something that I’ve learned over my years in coaching. I want to start with a quote.
00;01;24;26 – 00;01;53;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
This quote is one of my favorite quotes of all time, and it is perfect for this particular episode. So here we go. This is a Joseph Campbell quote. The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. Let me say that again. The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. That actually it’s a privilege to be you, the one unique you.
00;01;53;05 – 00;02;20;08
Lauren Brollier Newton
One of the things that I like to think about all the time is just, there’s never been another you in the whole history of planet Earth, in the whole future of planet Earth. There’s never been another you. Even if you believe in reincarnation, there’s never been another you in this body in this lifetime. So if you think about really what a privilege it is to be the only one of you who can laugh the way you do and has the creativity you do, and just everything about you is so unique and so special.
00;02;20;10 – 00;02;41;15
Lauren Brollier Newton
There’s a great quote that says the same God that made mountains and rivers and oceans made you, and thought you were important enough to be here. Now, if the word God doesn’t land for you, use whatever word you want. Life itself. Science. Waves and particles. I don’t care what words you use, but just notice how special it is that in this universe, you’re the only one of you that exists in the way that you do.
00;02;41;18 – 00;02;59;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
And so the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. And as a coach, the authenticity of letting that you shine. You can call it authenticity marketing if you want, but really, it’s not even a marketing. It’s just who you are. And then that shines through and that makes people want to work with you. We’re going to talk all about that today.
00;02;59;28 – 00;03;21;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
And if you’re someone who has been challenged to open yourself up to other people to really show who you are nervous in front of others, scared you’re going to do something wrong. We’ll talk all about how being you and not perfect is actually endearing. It actually makes people want to work with you more than if you walk around all anxious trying to be perfect.
00;03;21;09 – 00;03;41;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m also going to open you up to something called, and we talk about this a lot at Brave Thinking Institute. When we train and certify our coaches, we use a self-awareness tool called the Johari Window. And I’m going to I’m going to open that up to you. It’s a technique that’s designed for people to help understand themselves.
00;03;41;04 – 00;03;58;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
It was written by two psychologists. And I’m going to take you a little bit into the Johari window and see if via audio, I can describe it to you. So we’re going to do a lot in this episode. So let’s dive in on this vein of the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. I want to share with you a quote by Rumi.
00;03;58;18 – 00;04;17;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
Rumi was a Persian poet. He wrote spiritual poems for kings and the higher ups in his time in 16th century. I believe it was 16th century. And I think I’ve shared this quote. If I haven’t, you know, I share this quote literally in all the work I do all the time, so I don’t remember if I’ve shared it on the podcast before or not.
00;04;17;14 – 00;04;38;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
But if I have, indulge me. Rumi said, it’s as if a king has sent you from a far and distant land to do one specific task. Now, before I even continue on with this quote, let me just say full transparency for all the Rumi experts and translators out there. This is not a direct translation, nor is it a direct quote.
00;04;38;29 – 00;05;05;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
It is my interpretation of Rumi’s quote. So before before I get like the hate email, let me just say that, okay, here we go. It’s as if a king has sent you from afar and distant land to do one specific task. You could do a thousand other things while you’re here, but if you don’t do the one thing for which he sent you, it will feel as if you’ve done nothing.
00;05;05;10 – 00;05;31;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
So let me break down my interpretation of that quote. So, as if a king has sent you from afar in distant land, King, God, spirit, life, a greater scientific system, whatever you want to put on that creator of the universe, whatever name you want to give it, it’s as if he’s sent you from afar in distant land. Do you notice that if you wake up in the morning as a human on planet Earth, that’s not like, oh, yay, I know how to be human for the next 90 years.
00;05;31;24 – 00;05;52;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
No, nobody gives us a handbook. I think every single one of us, at least those of us who are walking a spiritual path, which I believe most of you are, who are listening to the Abundant Coach. It’s discombobulating as hell to be on planet Earth. You’re like, what am I doing here? And why? Right? There’s always this feeling of being a little bit, removed from who we truly are.
00;05;52;17 – 00;06;10;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
We get some sort of spiritual amnesia when we come here. So it’s as if a king has sent you from a far distant land. You feel like, okay, this this may not be my home planet, but here I am to do one specific task. You could do a thousand other things while you’re here. So I don’t believe Rumi was saying you’re meant to be a teacher.
00;06;10;00 – 00;06;33;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
You’re meant to be a life coach. You’re meant to be a a firefighter. I don’t think he’s talking about that. The one specific task that you could do a thousand other things while you’re here. But if you don’t do this one thing, it’s going to feel as if you’ve done nothing. That one thing is being you, discovering more of yourself today than you did yesterday, discovering your potential and who you really are and what you want to do next.
00;06;33;16 – 00;06;59;01
Lauren Brollier Newton
And what really is the true essence of you. That’s why I believe each of us is here. That’s what I believe Rumi was saying. That’s what I believe Joseph Campbell was saying. And that’s what I’m saying to you today, that this essence of who you and only you truly are is not only something that’s going to help you be an authentic marketer and be a better coach, but it’s actually going to help you live a better life with a capital L live.
00;06;59;04 – 00;07;24;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
So there is only one new and the old the new that is designed to help others. Because I don’t believe you. Be listening to the Abundant Coach. If there wasn’t something in you that wanted to help someone else on this planet, whether it’s being a coach or whatever else you discovered to do to being the one you is actually going to attract the right and perfect people to your message because they won’t hear it from me.
00;07;25;02 – 00;07;52;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
They won’t hear it from Tony Robbins or Mary Morrissey. They’re going to hear it from you because you are you and you have your own quirky and unique and special and wonderful ways of doing things. So on a spiritual, high level overview, if that’s not a reason to just be who you truly are, I don’t know what else is, but I know that for some of you listening, that this idea of just actually putting it all out there is very scary.
00;07;52;10 – 00;08;22;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s a little bit vulnerable. It feels like if I somehow show who I really am with all my imperfections and quirks, people aren’t going to like me. Now I want to tell you something that Mary Morrissey, my coach, my mentor, my friend, and the founder of Brave Thinking Institute told me a long time ago when I got a a bug inside of me, a a calling inside of me to write a specific coaching program that I wanted to write and change the format of my coaching.
00;08;22;12 – 00;08;36;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
And I said to her, Mary, I’m afraid that if I do this, somebody is going to be mad at me. Somebody is going to say this about me or that about me. And I thought she was going to say, no, Lord, they’re not going to say that about you. Or she was going to give me some words of encouragement.
00;08;36;23 – 00;08;57;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
And she didn’t say anything that I expected her to say. And I when I’m saying people might be mad at me, people might say this about me. She actually said back, you’re right. They will. And then she just sat there and she stared at me with these big, beautiful brown eyes that she has and blinked. Yeah, you’re right, they will.
00;08;57;06 – 00;09;21;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
And I was like, where’s the inspiration? Now? I’m trying to avoid people saying things about me, like, what are you trying to tell me? What she was saying to me is, what business is that of yours? If somebody doesn’t resonate with your brand or somebody says something about you, or somebody doesn’t like what you’re doing, okay. And I loved that because she wasn’t trying to lie to me and say, nobody’s ever going to dislike you.
00;09;21;05 – 00;09;41;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
For some people, you won’t be their cup of tea, but you all have to decide, and I have to decide, am I not going to do the thing that’s on my heart to do in this lifetime? Because somebody that I don’t even know, then I probably won’t even know? They’re thinking this about me isn’t in love with my brand or my mission or my product.
00;09;41;06 – 00;10;03;08
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m really not going to shine my soul light because somebody might think or say something about me. Somebody might not like it. I think that’s why we don’t want to be who we are, because we’re so afraid that somebody is going to think or say something. Well, let’s just do a new, breaking news alert here. I don’t care how spiritual we all think we are.
00;10;03;10 – 00;10;21;21
Lauren Brollier Newton
You think things about people all the time. I know you do. You see someone walking down the street? You think something. You’re in a meeting with someone. You think something. You’re thinking things about people all the time. Would you want them to stop shining their light because you had a fleeting thought about them? Of course not. You know, I wouldn’t want them in my head hearing all these things.
00;10;21;21 – 00;10;50;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
I think I want them to go out and shine their light. So why would we not be the authentic self? We are not just as coaches, but people because we’re afraid someone’s going to think something. Here’s something I learned that I think is so massive, and I felt such a freedom after I learned to this. If someone thinks something bad about you, if someone thinks something about you, even if they say it to your face, you’re not going to die.
00;10;50;11 – 00;11;08;12
Lauren Brollier Newton
And I think we get preconditioned as children that if we disappoint someone or someone thinks something about that, we’re going to die. Because there was a time when if we didn’t please the people raising us, we wouldn’t survive. When you were a baby, if you didn’t in a toddler, if you didn’t please those outside forces, you might not get fed.
00;11;08;12 – 00;11;28;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
And you might and you might die. And so we have this kind of biological trained response that if someone doesn’t like us, something bad’s going to happen. But the real truth with a capital T is nothing that’s going to happen. You’re not going to die. If you find out that they said something about you, you might feel uncomfortable and disappointed for a little while and sad for a little while.
00;11;28;18 – 00;11;52;08
Lauren Brollier Newton
But you will move on. And actually, you’ll probably be stronger because of it. When I was, going through a divorce, I had a realization for the first time. I knew for sure that there were people on this planet that didn’t just dislike me, that most likely hated me, my ex-husband, then some people in his family. And that’s a different story for another day.
00;11;52;08 – 00;12;08;11
Lauren Brollier Newton
But I was so disturbed that there might be someone on this planet who hated me, or thought something about me, or didn’t like me, because that was the first time I was really ever aware. I’m sure there was people that didn’t like me before, but I’d never been so potently aware that someone didn’t like me, that they didn’t understand me.
00;12;08;11 – 00;12;27;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
And there was a part of me that wanted to, like, Rage Against the Machine, that wanted to like, fight for and justify why I was the way I was and why I was saying the things I was saying. And then I happened to be scrolling Instagram. Who knows if like, Apple was listening to me or what. But I happened to be scrolling and there was a quote, and I don’t know who to attribute attribute it to, or else I would.
00;12;28;01 – 00;12;52;08
Lauren Brollier Newton
But it said, if everybody likes you, you stand for nothing. And I just remember chills going head to toe in my body, realizing, oh my gosh, I don’t want to be someone who stands for nothing. I don’t want to be someone pacifying everybody to the point where I don’t stand for anything, because I do stand for something. In that case, I felt it was wrong.
00;12;52;08 – 00;13;14;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
What my ex-husband did. In the case of being a coach, I stand strongly on the mountaintop that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, and that if you don’t have that, you’re going to always be wanting. Some people won’t agree with that. Some people won’t like that. But do I want to stand for nothing? So now let’s get down to the nitty gritty.
00;13;14;10 – 00;13;38;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
If you’re with me here, if you believe, yes, I am unique. There is only one me, and I’m willing to open myself up more to life, to people who might resonate with my message. And I’m willing to stand for something. If that’s you right now, let’s get into the nitty gritty and the practical applications of how we apply this in our lives.
00;13;38;03 – 00;14;13;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
One thing when we very first get started as coaches and we’re we’re wanting to attract clients, is it’s easy to try to copy someone else’s style. I’ll just use Mary Morrissey as an example. Mary Morrissey is the the mastermind, the, creator of all the coaching certification here at Braid Thinking Institute. Now, me and others have moved it forward and expanded on it, but she’s the ultimate creator of the work, so it would be easy to look at Mary and look at her style and look at the way she teaches and think, okay, I’m supposed to copy that?
00;14;13;17 – 00;14;40;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
And all of our coaches get scripts and different things and curriculum that they can teach. So in some ways, it seems like we’re asking our coaches to quote unquote copy that, but that’s actually not what we’re asking. What we’re saying is here’s a framework, take it and make it your own. But I know that sometimes we get into our stubborn little heads in Italian, we call it test to do the hard headed that we’re supposed to copy someone, even if someone says, no, you’re not supposed to copy this.
00;14;40;14 – 00;14;58;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s just a framework. Make it your own. We get so like into following the rules or wanting to be a certain way or wanting to, you know, copy that success that we do, we don’t do what we’re supposed to do. So I remember one time I was working with a coach trained and certified here at Brave Thinking Institute and, they said something to me that was really interesting.
00;14;58;18 – 00;15;15;26
Lauren Brollier Newton
They said, when I look at Mary speak on stage, she’s always wearing beautiful dresses and jewelry and makeup, and she looks so put together and I’ve been trying to do that. I’ve been trying to look like that. I’ve been trying to. She didn’t use the word copy, but, you know, replicate what Mary has done because Mary’s very successful.
00;15;15;28 – 00;15;34;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
And I’m so uncomfortable. And I was so happy she brought this to my attention, because what I said to her is, no one expects you to dress like Mary or present like Mary, and yes, Mary successful because that’s Mary. I happen to know that Mary wears slacks and pantyhose and heels and everything when she’s just relaxing at her house on a Sunday.
00;15;34;07 – 00;15;59;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
That’s just who Mary is. But that wasn’t who this coach was. So it’s like, yes, we’ve empowered you with the tools and principles that you can share with your clients that will help them be successful. But if you’re uncomfortable dressing like Mary because that’s not you, your audience is actually going to be turned off by you because there’s going to be a weird energy you’re portraying by being uncomfortable, and then they’re not going to work with you because they’re noticing and sensing the discomfort.
00;15;59;19 – 00;16;20;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
So I said to her, what would you wear on stage? And she’s like, I just wear jeans on and a t shirt. Great. Do that. Be yourself. So don’t ever feel like you have to copy someone because they’re successful. Or you have to be someone. You’re something you’re not. I remember when I worked in in the schools, I was a elementary school teacher, and then I became a reading specialist type position in our district.
00;16;20;23 – 00;16;40;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
We called it literacy coach. I worked in Berkeley, California, and not to give a stereotype of Berkeley, but it’s a very casual setting. There’s there’s not a lot of people walking around in business suits, you know, in the school district in Berkeley. But I love wearing makeup. I love wearing, lots of jewelry. I love wearing fancy clothes.
00;16;40;28 – 00;17;01;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
That’s just who I am. And so kind of similar to Mary in some ways, although I’m not quite as sophisticated. And that is totally okay with me. But that’s not a criticism of myself. It’s just that’s kind of like I like to call I if I had to summarize my style, I would say, Stevie Nicks, who lives on a ranch and rides horses in Wyoming, that’s who I kind of try to be in, in terms of my style.
00;17;01;19 – 00;17;18;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
So. And I love that. And so when I worked in Berkeley, I would always wear high heels and dresses and, platform boots and, you know, all that. And sometimes the other teachers would say, why are you so dressed up? Like they’d literally ask me that? And I would say, because I love it, I know I don’t have to.
00;17;18;04 – 00;17;34;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m not trying to do anything. I just love it. And so you have to find for you what your style is who you are. Just be who you are. And so, when I was in the school district and people would ask me that, sometimes I’d feel bad because I felt like it was a criticism, like, why are you so dressed up?
00;17;34;09 – 00;17;51;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
But then I realized, like, this is who I am. I’m not going to become something I’m not just because I work in Berkeley for an example. So I’m giving you all these somewhat random examples just to help you resonate with the idea that whoever you are, regardless of what setting in or what you think you should be, is perfect.
00;17;51;16 – 00;18;10;15
Lauren Brollier Newton
Because if you’re trying to be something that you’re not, people are going to sense that from you. It’s going to feel inauthentic, and then they’re not going to want to work with you because nobody wants to work with someone who feels weird, uncomfortable, fake, etc. so you don’t copy. Now you can emulate if there’s someone that you admire and you think, oh, I love that, that resonates with me.
00;18;10;15 – 00;18;30;21
Lauren Brollier Newton
That’s who I am to emulate. Yes. Copy. No. So going back to the Stevie Nicks thing, I’ve been singing since I was a little girl, and I, my grandpa, you know, we had such a close, deep relationship. I was super close with my grandpa. I asked him if he would pay for me to have singing lessons when I was a little girl, so I started taking singing lessons.
00;18;30;21 – 00;18;48;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
I think I was 11 when I started taking singing lessons. And then from age 19 till about 29, I sang in a cover band. I was having an a rock and roll cover band, and most of my song selections were Stevie Nicks, because she’s my favorite singer. Now, for those of you who are too young to know who Stevie Nicks is all the way, I think she’s, like, made her comeback.
00;18;48;19 – 00;19;15;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
She’s a rock n roll singer. Super. Got super popular in the 70s but has really like withstood the test of time. 80s, 90s, 2000s like she’s been in in stuff. If you look at a lot of Stevie Nicks cover bands now, we’re getting into like music, rock and roll history, but this really is relevant to coaching. If you look at a lot of Stevie Nicks cover bands, there are a lot of cover bands where people try to copy Stevie Nicks voice and therefore it sounds like a caricature.
00;19;15;12 – 00;19;31;25
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s like it’s not the real person, but I’m trying to copy the real person. It sounds like a very true caricature of her as opposed to emulating her. It’s like this weird copycat thing, but you’re not Stevie Nicks even though you’re singing the cover band. So it’s weird when I sing Stevie Nicks in my rock n roll cover band.
00;19;31;25 – 00;19;49;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
Did I dress in black flowy clothes? Yes, because I love that. That’s what I would pick anyway. Did I dress in leather and lace and platform boots and stuff? Yes, I did, but I never tried to copy her. I never tried to like, force my voice to sound like her or anything like that, because it’s like it’s just going to sound dumb at that point.
00;19;49;18 – 00;20;14;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
And so I always emulated but didn’t copy. So I’m hoping that you’re energetically distinguishing the difference. And let’s put that to coaching. If there’s something you like in something someone’s styling, you’re like, oh my God, that’s so me. And I would like to do that too. That’s one thing. But if you’re trying to be someone you’re not because you think that’s what people want, that’s where it gets into that inauthentic, because it’s not really resonant with you.
00;20;14;16 – 00;20;33;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
You’re just doing it because you’re like trying to be something. I think I’ve said a great many things there. Of all the random stories I told there, I think there’s hopefully something that you can grasp on to and see what I’m saying there. Here’s another thing that I think is important for us coaches to know. Authenticity and perfectionism don’t mix because none of us are perfect.
00;20;33;16 – 00;20;52;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
So if you’re trying to be perfect, it’s always going to come across as inauthentic because it really it’s not. It’s not a thing. No one is perfect. And if you’re trying to be that, you’re going to be very nervous and you’re going to be hiding parts of yourself, and people are going to see that and they’re again, not going to want to work with you because it’s going to feel nervous and it’s going to feel inauthentic.
00;20;52;22 – 00;21;10;11
Lauren Brollier Newton
I want to say one of my most surprising times as a coach, I was speaking on stage. I probably had a 200 person zoom audience and then 100 person in-person audience. It was a hybrid event and I was wearing jeans for the first time on stage. I I’m I’m a person. I love to wear dresses and suits and things like that.
00;21;10;14 – 00;21;29;06
Lauren Brollier Newton
But this weekend I wasn’t feeling it and I was like, you know what? I’m just gonna wear jeans. And so I’m wearing kind of a blazer, a scarf and like, jeans and high heeled boots, like platform boots. And so I’m on stage and I’m actually this topic I was speaking on, and that exact moment was consciousness. And I was telling a whole deep thing about consciousness.
00;21;29;06 – 00;21;46;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
But the whole time I’d never been on stage wearing jeans. The whole time I’m thinking to myself, oh crap, I think my zipper’s down. But I didn’t want to, like, actually check my zipper because then everybody would see it. So I’m sitting there talking about consciousness, but the farther back of my mind is like, oh my God, my zipper is down and finally I just looked at the audience.
00;21;46;16 – 00;22;05;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m like, okay, can we just pause? Can you guys tell me, is my zipper down like it’s my fly down? And everybody in the audience started laughing. And so I’m like, I’m just going to check. And so I literally like, pull my zipper on my jeans on the stage and I’m like, oh, phew. I’m like, you guys, I’ve been standing here thinking, oh my God, I need to check my zipper, but I don’t want to check my zipper.
00;22;05;29 – 00;22;20;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
And so everybody in the audience is like laughing and they’re like shouting at me and I’m laughing at my face is super red. And it was just this cute moment. And then, I mean, I think it was cute at the time. I was literally like, okay, I kind of feel a little bit like a pig. I’m I had my zebra on, but whatever.
00;22;20;11 – 00;22;42;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
So later multiple people, multiple people told me that the reason they enrolled in my coaching program that weekend was because of the zipper moment. And I was like, wait, what? Really? And they’re like, yeah, when you did that, I knew you were my coach. I knew that you would be a person who would get me, because right in that moment, I was being fully my authentic self.
00;22;42;17 – 00;23;04;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
Am I am I my authentic self when I’m teaching? Absolutely. But it would be inauthentic to try to, like, pretend that I wasn’t scared that my zipper was down right. So it’s like it’s like this very authentic, relatable moment. And so many people said to me, at least I counted. There was at least six people who said to me, I knew you were my coach when you did the zipper down thing.
00;23;04;15 – 00;23;20;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
And so to me, that was just such an interesting moment to go, oh, when I’m just being Lauren, people don’t aren’t trying to work with the perfect coach or even the most well studied coach. They just want to see who I am and see if they resonate. And so many people said I knew I could be myself around you because you were yourself.
00;23;21;01 – 00;23;51;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
And so I think that’s a perfect example of letting go of the perfectionism and really just being who you would be, in any given moment. Now, some people have asked me, what’s the borderline between being inappropriate and authentic? And really, I don’t think that there is a border. I mean, I do think there’s a border, but I don’t think it fits your brand like there’s some people’s brand is to cuss and to just, like, lay it all out there and like, that’s some people’s brand.
00;23;51;17 – 00;24;08;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
So for me, if that would feel inappropriate for me, it’s just because that’s not authentic to me. So I can’t tell you what’s appropriate and what’s inappropriate are some people want I’m going to want to work with a more professional dialed in person. Certainly. I’ve talked about this before in other venues and maybe on this podcast. Who knows?
00;24;08;17 – 00;24;31;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
I don’t remember, but there’s a I do tuber I follow. Her name is an Emily Baker and she does pop culture legal cases. So if someone’s in the news, like when Johnny Depp was in the news, she breaks down the legal aspects of his court case and she has purple hair. And she even says in her intro, I’m a big fan of the curse words, and she cusses, like all the time.
00;24;31;02 – 00;24;47;19
Lauren Brollier Newton
In her podcast and in her YouTube channel, another podcaster asked her like, aren’t you afraid people are going to like, get turned off by that? And she’s like, no, I’m not afraid. Because if people get turned off by that, they’re not my tribe. They’re not going to resonate with me. So it’s okay if they get turned off because this isn’t the channel for them.
00;24;47;22 – 00;25;13;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
So if it feels inappropriate to you, it’s because that’s not your brand. That’s not your style, that doesn’t resonate with you. I would say inappropriate is actually an energy, because what’s inappropriate is doing something messy that’s not you. So if you’re doing all sorts of messy, sort of inauthentic, energetically not connected things, then that’s going to be inappropriate for you is an energy.
00;25;13;03 – 00;25;32;12
Lauren Brollier Newton
If it’s inappropriate for you, it’s not going to resonate and people will feel your energy is off. If I got on here and tried to be like Emily and had purple hair and was cussing all the time, that would just be like inauthentic to me. So that’s why it would feel inappropriate. Now, if someone doesn’t match Emily’s brand, it’s going to feel inappropriate to them.
00;25;32;12 – 00;25;53;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
But that’s what she said. I don’t want them listening to my channel because they’re not going to, like, really fit and resonate in my tribe. So how do we be more authentic? This is where I want to introduce the concept of the Johari Window. So I want you to imagine a Foursquare. I want you to imagine a square that has four smaller squares within it.
00;25;53;05 – 00;26;13;22
Lauren Brollier Newton
You could even draw it if you’re listening to this and you’re not driving, you could even draw it. So you’ve got a square. And then there’s four smaller squares within that square. It’s like a four square. Okay. The top left square is what we would call your open area. It’s the area that’s known to you and known to others.
00;26;13;24 – 00;26;37;21
Lauren Brollier Newton
Top left. It’s known to you. It’s known to others. So it’s not hidden from you and it’s not hidden from anyone else. This is your completely open area. That’s one. Now let’s look at bottom left is what we would call a hidden area. It’s known to you, but you hide it from others. It’s not known to others. Now let me say this.
00;26;37;24 – 00;26;57;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
I don’t necessarily think that we have to be 100% open. I mean, there are probably some things that, to me, I wouldn’t want to share with the podcast audience, like I might not want to share with the podcast audience, like what happened the last time I went to the bathroom. Right? Like there’s certain things that I’m not going to say in every area, but it’s not because I’m hiding it from you.
00;26;57;29 – 00;27;29;15
Lauren Brollier Newton
Like, I don’t want you to know that I went to the bathroom before this call. It’s just like it’s not relevant to me. It doesn’t feel like something I want to share on this call. Like, so that is something that’s known to you, but it’s not known to others. It’s okay for, like, your deepest, darkest fantasies or something like that to be in this hidden area or maybe only shared with your significant other or something like that, I would suggest that this hidden area, it’s known to you, but it’s not known to anybody else, is going to be the tight, a tiny, tiny, tiny portion.
00;27;29;17 – 00;27;49;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
Like, I don’t want to give percentages because then people get caught up in percentages, but like 98% of you is open, at least somebody knows it. And, you know, maybe a little percentage is hidden. Now, top right is your blind spot. Other people can see it in you, but you can’t see it in you. In other words, it’s it’s you’re blind to it.
00;27;49;28 – 00;28;10;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
But maybe your friends, your family, your kids, like someone else, can be your best friend. Like they can see it, but they know you’re kind of got a blind spot there. And then the bottom right is unknown potential. Nobody knows. You don’t know. Nobody else knows. It’s the part of you that you haven’t tapped into yet. So how is this Johari window?
00;28;10;23 – 00;28;36;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
An opportunity? And here’s how it’s spelled j o h a. Or you can look it up. It’s a psychologist, I think. I think it was like one guy’s name was Joe, and the other guy’s name was Harrison. And so they made it named Johari. These two psychologists. Why this model is helpful is because you can ask yourself just full transparency, how open do I really believe I am with the people I’m closest to, with, with my audience, with my potential clients?
00;28;36;06 – 00;29;00;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
How open am I in terms of really letting my true self and my authentic self shine through? Give yourself a baseline. So for me personally, I might say I’m like 85% open and then look at what’s hidden and why you’re hiding it. And then ask yourself, am I willing to slightly open that hidden window just an inch? You can ask spirit, ask the infinite, ask your higher self.
00;29;00;11 – 00;29;21;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
What step can I take today to just open up the parts of myself that I’ve been hiding, and you’ll get an answer. And then you can ask yourself, am I? Am I willing to open to my blind spots? Am I willing to ask the people closest to me? Do I have any blind spots about being authentic? And if I do, would you be willing in a loving way and not a critical way to share that with me?
00;29;21;24 – 00;29;36;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
Now, you’re not gonna ask everyone that question. If you feel like someone has an agenda or they’re manipulative, don’t ask them. But like, I could ask my husband. My husband is like the most loving person who fully accepts me on the planet. So if I asked him, is there a place where you feel like I kind of have a blind spot in authenticity?
00;29;36;29 – 00;29;52;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
Like maybe where I’m not being authentic? Or I could ask, is there a place that you see me being open with you? But maybe I’m not open with others? That actually would help my authenticity and my coaching business. And he would tell me in a loving way. So don’t ask someone who’s going to upset you or isn’t going to be loving with it.
00;29;52;23 – 00;30;14;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
But here’s what happens when you open up what you’re hiding, and when you open up your own blind spots, that’s when you start to tap into that unknown potential, because you’re opening the open window more. And the parts that were unknown to you will reveal themselves. Now you’re tapping into what Rumi said. Now you’re tapping into doing the one thing for which you hear.
00;30;14;18 – 00;30;30;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
So that would be my advice to you open up. Where am I not being authentic? Am I willing to be more authentic? Am I willing to ask for some feedback about how I could be more authentic? And then, oh my gosh, are you going to and you probably know some steps you can take. You probably know some ways in which you could be more authentic.
00;30;30;10 – 00;30;45;11
Lauren Brollier Newton
Maybe you’re like the client I had. That said, I don’t feel comfortable dressing like Mary. Well, then don’t do that. Open your authentic self up more. Maybe you’re like me. You know, I thought my zipper was down instead of hiding it, getting uncomfortable and making my teaching suck, I’m just going to paint the barn door red on that and say is my fly down?
00;30;45;13 – 00;31;07;12
Lauren Brollier Newton
So that’s my assignment to you. If you choose to take me up on this, is there a way that you could just open up to shine your light a little bit more? Wow, I don’t know about you, but this has been enlightening to me. I sometimes don’t realize the power of the spiritual teachings that I’ve learned from this institute, and just all I’ve learned over my time as a coach.
00;31;07;12 – 00;31;29;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
But when I come and I sit down to record these episodes, it’s like I’m learning right along with you. And so thank you. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for loving this podcast and listening to it. And my greatest wish, my greatest hope, my greatest intention is that this is giving back to you something that’s helping you become a more authentic and more powerful coach.
00;31;29;06 – 00;31;35;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
So I’ve loved being with you, and I’ll see you in the next episode.
00;31;35;27 – 00;32;07;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
Thanks for joining me this week on The Abundant Coach. Visit our website at Brave Thinking institute.com/coach certification, where you can dive even deeper with additional resources and exciting opportunities. Be sure to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast so you’ll never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, if you loved the show, please rate and review to find out how to jump start your funding, coaching career, and more about my journey to seven figure coach, check out our free.
00;32;07;04 – 00;32;14;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
Meant to Be a Life Coach quiz available at bti.com/coach quiz. I’ll see you in the next episode.
