00;00;03;23 – 00;00;31;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
Welcome to the abundant coach. I’m your host, Lauren Brollier Newton. This is a weekly podcast about creating full spectrum success with a thriving coaching business, while making a profound difference in the world. Each week, you’ll discover insights, strategies, and inspiration to help you attract your ideal clients. Facilitate real transformation in their lives, and grow your coaching business while living your purpose with true freedom and fulfillment.
00;00;32;00 – 00;00;54;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
Yay for the topic we’re going to talk about today, because we’re going to talk about messages from the soul. And this is my favorite coaching exercise ever for really big insight, both from you for yourself. Because of course, you want to support yourself in using these tools, not because we have to be perfect to be coaches, but because we want to actually feel what it’s going to feel like when the client practices the tool.
00;00;55;03 – 00;01;11;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
And there’s no better way to anticipate your client’s wants and needs than using a coaching tool yourself and going, what was hard about that? What was easy about that? What was great about that? What did I learn about that? So that as you’re coaching them through it and you’re teaching it to them, that you can even do a better job of being a coach for them.
00;01;11;29 – 00;01;35;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
So this is a great life coaching tool. It’s very practical. And yet most people on this planet have never heard of anything like it. They’ll live and die never knowing that this type of a tool exists. Sadly. And the great news is this is what we train every coach in. In our brave thinking modality, every certified brave Thinking Institute coach learns this tool way more extensively than I’m going to be able to share it in a half hour.
00;01;35;13 – 00;01;52;08
Lauren Brollier Newton
But every certified coach with us learns this tool. It’s what sets us apart, and I’m just having a willingness to share it with you today, because I want you to have that insight in your clients to have that insight as well. So I’m going to start with a quote, which I usually like love to do. This is one of my favorite quotes and it goes perfectly with this topic.
00;01;52;10 – 00;02;15;26
Lauren Brollier Newton
The quote is this what I am looking for is not out there, it’s in me. And that is a quote by Helen Keller. When you think about Helen Keller, blind, deaf has just about everything in the land of circumstance going against her. And she has a discovery. It isn’t outside of me, actually, it isn’t even that I have all these physical difficulties.
00;02;15;26 – 00;02;45;06
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s all the power of the human spirit, the power of infinite and me. Connecting is within me, and that is so perfect for this particular coaching tool, because this particular coaching tool is about helping the client find what they really want. Emphasis on really want. So one very common thing that comes up is clients will come to you and say things like, I’m burnt out, I’m stuck, I’m burnout at my job.
00;02;45;06 – 00;03;07;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
I don’t find joy in things anymore, those kind of things. And I want to share with you that most of what the common our world. Henry David Thoreau coined the phrase common our meaning. It’s not. It’s just typical status quo. So in the common our world, they’ll say things like, I’m burnout, I’m stuck. I don’t find joy in things anymore.
00;03;07;17 – 00;03;33;01
Lauren Brollier Newton
And if you Google like if you went on Google and you searched for what do I do to overcome burnout, you will find things like this light candles, take a bath, meditate, go on walks in nature. I’m not saying I don’t agree that those can be calming and relaxing tools for our nervous system. Absolutely they can. I might even recommend those tools myself.
00;03;33;04 – 00;03;52;05
Lauren Brollier Newton
But I will tell you something they don’t solve burnout because you’re going to light the candle, take a bath, walk in nature, meditate, and then you’re going to go back to your life the next day and you’re going to feel like crap again. And so I actually get frustrated that when you Google, how do I overcome burnout? The thing that you find is light a candle.
00;03;52;07 – 00;04;13;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
And the reason I get frustrated the human side of my nature gets frustrated is because one. I know that that’s not going to work for people, but two, I actually also think it creates an even more problematic process when people don’t have the right tools because they go to Google or a more common hour coach and bless every coach and every type of modality out there.
00;04;13;13 – 00;04;34;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
And there’s some directive coaches that might give the advice about what I call burnout Band-Aids. These are what I would call burnout Band-Aids. You put a Band-Aid on it, but then you go back to work the next day and you feel bad again, is that they try the thing that Google recommends and it doesn’t work. So then the client will get in a shame spiral and they’ll say, oh my gosh, what?
00;04;34;03 – 00;04;49;05
Lauren Brollier Newton
Google, tell me I’m supposed to feel better after this? And the common, our coach told me I’m supposed to feel better after this and I don’t. So there must really be something wrong with me. I must be deficient. I must not be doing it right. And then they get into a not enough story. So this is why I wanted to bring this episode to you.
00;04;49;05 – 00;05;14;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
Because let’s break this cycle. Let’s break this cycle of shame, of not enough. And let’s actually give clients tools that don’t just put a Band-Aid on it, but that actually get to the level of what’s causing the feeling or causing the thing that they’re not happy with in their life. So if you’ve ever experienced this, or a client is experiencing what they describe as burnout or stuck or this, usually they’re putting a Band-Aid on it or they’re just ignoring it.
00;05;14;09 – 00;05;47;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
So let’s talk about the just ignoring it part. Most people were raised or taught either by society, by their parents, by their churches, by their teachers. They got this message that you should just be grateful for what you have. You should just be grateful for what you have. And the subliminal message that we received from those well-meaning people and organizations is that if I want more, I should feel bad about that.
00;05;47;16 – 00;06;07;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
I saw a great meme the other day. It was like a meme of a of a sad face. And it’s all. It’s all me eating my vegetables for Africa. Because I don’t know about you, but did you ever say. Did your parents ever tell you eat your vegetables because they’re starving children in Africa? Yeah. So we learned that we had to feel bad somehow about all that we had.
00;06;07;16 – 00;06;22;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
I should just feel grateful for what I have. And if I want more, that I should somehow feel bad about that. And even if that wasn’t explicitly said to us, the way that we make meaning as kids, when parents tell us you should just be grateful for what you have, is, oh, I’m not supposed to want anything else.
00;06;23;00 – 00;06;40;11
Lauren Brollier Newton
And while that may be okay about I’m not going to buy you a toy every time we go to toys R us, right? It’s actually not okay in the human psyche, because when we learn that it’s not okay to want more, we think we shouldn’t want to change careers. We shouldn’t want a deeper relationship. We shouldn’t want to write that book or go on that vacation.
00;06;40;14 – 00;07;04;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
And here’s the reason why that’s so damaging in the human experience. Because you are actually created to want more. Life itself wants more. Spirit wants more. So when we’re created to want more and then we feel bad for wanting more, it sets up a really vicious cycle. So think of it this way the universe is expanding outward. Outward it goes.
00;07;04;04 – 00;07;23;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
Science has shown us that the universe is expanding outward, outward, outward. We can see that it’s moving forward. Even in the Bible. If that’s your your persuasion. It says, God said, let there be light and outward. Everything expands. In science. It says the Big Bang. I don’t think they’re different personally. But, you know, that’s a conversation for another day.
00;07;23;10 – 00;07;44;15
Lauren Brollier Newton
But outward the universe goes. And that ever upward pull of becoming that outward, outward, wanting more, seeking more, that is a part of all of our spirit. So if we tell ourselves, okay, I got to shove it down inside my wants, my needs, and just be grateful for what I have. I’m literally going against creation. I’m literally going against how this whole universe is designed.
00;07;44;15 – 00;08;02;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
Every living thing wants more. A tree keeps growing because it wants more today than it had yesterday. A blade of grass will push itself through cement to feel its own aliveness, and that same ever upward pull, that same want for more life today than we had yesterday. It’s in me, it’s in you. It’s in every single one of us.
00;08;03;05 – 00;08;25;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s in every client you will ever serve. So it’s very important to share with your clients. It’s not only is it okay to want more, it’s in your very DNA. It’s encoded in your DNA. Now that we know it’s very natural and normal and important to want more, the next question is what do I do with it? What do we help our clients do with that?
00;08;25;03 – 00;08;45;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
Want for more and not back up and get scared because they were told they should want more? Or the burnout Band-Aids don’t work. There is absolutely a way to hear your own personal soul instructions. So you owl soul instructions. I also think they can be used other ways. Soul instructions solely your one instruction for this moment in time.
00;08;45;29 – 00;09;05;26
Lauren Brollier Newton
And there’s a way for you to listen to it. And there is a way for your clients to listen to it. So what you want to do is you want to ask your clients, what are you longing for? Longing is something that I want, but I don’t have yet. So I’m longing to take more time off. I’m longing to have a job that doesn’t have such a long commute.
00;09;05;26 – 00;09;30;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m longing to make more money. So your longings are what you’re wishing for. That’s not yet in your current set of circumstances. Discontent is things that are currently going on that you’re feeling discontented with. So let me give you just a little piece of my own personal story. Not because I want you to know more about me, but because this is just a perfect way to highlight a client’s longing and discontent.
00;09;30;17 – 00;09;57;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
So when I first first started in this work, when I first met Brave Thinking Institute and Mary Morrissey, right before I met them, I was having two particular circumstances in my life. One was I was a school teacher, and so I was in the same school district for several years. I did my student teaching there. I became a teacher, and then I became the literacy coach, which is similar to a reading specialist in other districts.
00;09;57;09 – 00;10;17;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
And while I felt like, yes, on some level, I’m making a difference. Deep, deep, deep, deep down inside of me there was this wants to help more, to make a bigger impact on the planet. But much like I was just describing, I didn’t want to let myself know that I wanted more because then I felt like one. I’ve been told all my life, I’m not supposed to want more, right?
00;10;17;10 – 00;10;38;15
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m supposed to be grateful. Hey, I’m helping kids and, you know, doing the due. I should just feel grateful. So I didn’t really want to, like, fully acknowledge that within myself because Mary Morrissey, the founder of Brave Thinking Institute, she will say, you don’t want to know what you really do know, because you don’t want to have to do the thing you’d have to do if you let yourself know.
00;10;38;18 – 00;10;57;21
Lauren Brollier Newton
In other words, I knew teaching wasn’t going to be for me forever, but I didn’t want to know that deep down inside, because I didn’t want to have to make a change. But my behavior was showing me that actually I did want more, because one thing that I did in my early years of teaching is I wanted to make more money, because, I mean, we all know the thing with teachers, right?
00;10;57;21 – 00;11;12;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
Teachers don’t make a lot of money. I want to make more money. I had credit card debt. I had student loan debt. So for a while I did tutoring and music lessons. So I’m a singer. I’ve been in singing lessons since I was 12 years old. I wanted to make some extra money and so I’m like, oh, I could teach singing lessons.
00;11;12;20 – 00;11;37;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
So I taught singing lessons for a while, and I did some tutoring after school for a while, so I did that. That didn’t completely fill me up because, again, trading hours for dollars. And then I started a side business in a network marketing company working with essential oils and aromatherapy and selling the essential oils and nutritional supplements. And I actually enjoyed that to a certain degree, because I’m, like, obsessed even to this day with essential oils.
00;11;37;06 – 00;11;54;05
Lauren Brollier Newton
However, I started to build that essential oils business on the side, and then I kept myself. I couldn’t get past like 4 or $500 a month in extra income. So I have all this longing like I want to make more income, I want to make more of a difference. But I was stuck in every thing I tried. So there’s that.
00;11;54;05 – 00;12;10;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
So if I was the client and you were the coach and you asked me my longing and discontent and you actually caused me to share it, I would have shared all of this, right? Like, I didn’t know this was a tool, but I would have shared, like, I’m stuck in this job. I’m stuck in the in the side business.
00;12;10;02 – 00;12;37;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
I want to make a bigger impact so that was my longing. Now let’s talk about my discontent teaching school. My paycheck was so small and so I’m living in at the time. California rent is expensive. My mortgage was expensive. When I eventually bought a house with my my former husband and and so I’ve got all this debt and I would literally sit there and calculate I’d be like, okay, if I keep teaching and maybe if I become a principal because I was thinking about that, like that might be a way to make a bigger impact and make more money.
00;12;37;10 – 00;12;54;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
So I started to work on my administrative credentials. But I even with that, even if I did that, between the student loan debt that that would take the student loan debt, I already had that car payments and my, credit card debt. I’m like, dude, it’s still going to be like 10 or 15 years before I even just break even.
00;12;54;02 – 00;13;10;21
Lauren Brollier Newton
And that would terrify me. So if I if you ask me, what’s my discontent? My discontent is I’ve got more bills than money. I’ve got more debt than money. This is a low paying career. So that’s my discontent. So let’s review. Longing is something you want, but you haven’t gotten yet. It’s a wish. It’s a hope. It’s a dream.
00;13;10;24 – 00;13;33;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
Discontent is. It’s already going on. And I’m not happy with it. In other words, it’s all I already had. The debt, had the this, had the that I already wasn’t thrilled with my paycheck. And the other discontent I had was just waking up early to commute the long hours and the stress of a teaching job. And you know, they expected us to, like, solve all the world’s problems, right?
00;13;33;04 – 00;13;53;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
Like, hey, this kid’s been abused all his life. He’s never been read to. But now that he’s in your class, he’s supposed to, like, learn how to read this year and be perfect. You’re like, what? So if I’m your client, I’ve got a lot of longing, and I’ve got a lot of discontent. Okay, so this is important. Now, you might think, okay, yes.
00;13;53;02 – 00;14;12;12
Lauren Brollier Newton
Many modalities. Lauren, talk about problems. You can go to therapy and talk about problems. You can go to any kind of coaching modality and talk about problems. So why is the longing and discontent so important? Why is this my favorite coaching exercise? Well, just talking about the problems themselves can be helpful for someone who has been shoving it and wanting to acknowledge it.
00;14;12;12 – 00;14;41;25
Lauren Brollier Newton
But there’s a next step here. The next step is letting the client know that that longing they’re feeling, that discontent that they’re feeling is actually their sole instructions. It’s not bad. It feels bad, but it’s actually your soul instructing you what needs to be transformed, to feel fulfilled, to feel on purpose, to feel happiness. So when you’re feeling that longing discontent, we usually treat it as a bad thing.
00;14;41;25 – 00;15;08;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
And because we were told we’re not supposed to want more and complain, we shove it down. But longing and discontent is actually not something in human birth that ever goes away. It will continue nagging at you over and over and over again until you listen to it. And if you don’t listen to it, it will. Symptoms, longing and discontent will symptoms into symptoms of unlived life.
00;15;08;06 – 00;15;31;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
And what I mean by that is what’s a symptom of unlived life? Depression, anxiety, guilt, dissatisfaction. Not feeling fulfilled. Divorce, dis ease. Real disease. Life will symptoms until it gets so loud that you have to stop and listen to it. Well, that was what happened to me with my longing and discontent. So I had that longing discontent in my in my vocation.
00;15;31;21 – 00;15;53;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
But I also had it in my relationships because I had just gotten married, and I was feeling a lot of longing and discontent in my relationship. I was too sad and too scared to admit it to myself. And then my husband comes home and he leaves. Anomaly doesn’t leave. I find out he’s living a double life. So my longing and discontent had been nagging at me for years that this wasn’t the right relationship.
00;15;53;02 – 00;16;12;01
Lauren Brollier Newton
I didn’t listen to it. Why? Why did it? Symptoms? Why did it blow up in my face? Because I didn’t listen and life said, okay, life has to go somewhere. And if it’s not going in a life giving way, it’s going to keep symptom rising until you listen to it. And so that is why this is so important to you and your clients.
00;16;12;01 – 00;16;38;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
Longing and discontent is not just talking about problems, it’s about actually recognizing that your soul is instructing you to do something. That’s why this dissatisfaction is coming up. Bob Proctor says, dissatisfaction is such a creative vibration. And that’s true when you let yourself actually feel that this dissatisfaction, you can then start creating. So letting our clients know what longing and discontent really is.
00;16;38;04 – 00;17;03;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
Our soul instructions that when you listen to them, that is what is actually going to lead to the next level growth and end the symptom ization of this unlived life. That’s what’s going to solve burnout. That’s what’s going to solve this. I should just be grateful for what I have. Paradigm. Because if you keep going to a job you don’t love day after day, year after year, that is what is causing the feeling of burnout.
00;17;03;16 – 00;17;30;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
I don’t like my life. I’m unfulfilled. No amount of lighting candles, no amount of incense, no amount of walking in nature is going to fix that. All those things are Band-Aids. What’s going to actually fix that? Getting in a career you love, helping your client get in a career they love. So this is why this exercise of really helping the client with their longing and discontent is essential to their success with you.
00;17;30;06 – 00;17;55;11
Lauren Brollier Newton
And just from a from a standpoint of the success of your own coaching business, if you allow yourself and your clients to go through this, these experiences, what’s going to happen is your clients are going to keep enrolling with you and referring you and giving you testimonials because your coaching does not give a Band-Aid, it actually gives a solution, a solution to their life.
00;17;55;13 – 00;18;20;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
And they will be forever grateful to you for ever sending their friends to you, forever enrolling with you because you’re actually getting real on the real and not giving them some fake crap that’s not going to work for them. So like I said before, full disclaimer. Is walking in nature wonderful? Yes, I actually suggest everybody do it, but that isn’t the solve to burnout or dissatisfaction in life.
00;18;20;27 – 00;18;55;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s a great solve for an overstimulated nervous system. Yes, it’s not the right tool for someone who needs a change. So this is very, very, very important. The other thing to note about longing and discontent is no amount of positive thinking is going to solve the longing and discontent. It is like, oh, so this is the difference between positive thinking and, vision driven coaching, which is when I’m talking about positive thinking, says like, say some affirmations, you know, or just think positively, you know, and how, you know, it’s, it’s really longing and discontent.
00;18;55;17 – 00;19;23;06
Lauren Brollier Newton
And it’s not just stinking thinking is you’ve done all the positive thinking, you’ve calibrated your energy, you’re thinking positive. You’re doing everything you can to feel happy, and you still feel the longing and discontent is because no amount of positive thinking is going to solve the fact that you’re not listening to your soul instructions. So one thing nuance now, especially for my brave thinking Institute coaches who are already trained in this through your certification, you want to ask a client if a client is telling you, oh, I just need to change my thinking.
00;19;23;06 – 00;19;55;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
I just need to change my thinking. And of course, we’re brave thinking Institute. We help them with that. Do you want to just really listen with a nuanced ear? Is it really negative thinking, or is it that they’re not letting themselves have a solve to their longing and to their discontent? That’s what we want to do. So when I started looking just as an example for me from my own life, when I started looking at my own longing and my own discontent, my longings that I just shared with you and my discontent with my marriage, I was able to realize, oh, first of all, this longing and discontent has been with me for a really
00;19;55;16 – 00;20;28;22
Lauren Brollier Newton
long time. I could see that, oh, it didn’t go away. It did. Symptoms into symptoms of unlived life. But the other thing is, it actually led me to go, oh, I am like, let me just admit, I hate having traffic every morning. I don’t like teaching anymore. Like it is okay for me to admit that, because when you’re a vision driven coach or, you know, vision driven thinking, you know that you’re not just going to be like stuck not knowing that now the next step is to dream up that vision and ask yourself, what would answer my longing and dissolve my discontent?
00;20;28;24 – 00;20;51;01
Lauren Brollier Newton
And that’s another tool for for another time, helping your clients and yourself understand that these messages that you’re hearing of longing and discontent are actually messages from the soul. You’re not just complaining. You’re not just, you know, negative thinking that if you’ve been longing for something and discontented with something for a while, let yourself know. Otherwise it’s going to symptoms.
00;20;51;01 – 00;21;10;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
And these are very, very powerful. All right. So with that said, if you resonate with this message, if you’re like, yes, I’m 100% in with this message, this is mind blowing to me. This is something I never knew before. I’m with you. My mind was blown. My DNA felt like it was rearranged the first time I heard this.
00;21;10;21 – 00;21;36;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
If that’s you that tells me that you would really, really resonate with the brave thinking modality. First thing we’ll do with our clients. As your as a certified coaches, you’ll learn the intricacies of doing this well with your clients, among many other things, including the vision driven coaching and everything else. So make sure that you listen to the outro of this podcast, where you can find out how to take the next step in discovering how to get certified in this type of coaching.
00;21;36;02 – 00;22;00;25
Lauren Brollier Newton
Before I end the episode, let’s go back to the quote that we started with. What I’m looking for is not out there, it’s in me. These messages from the soul. They’re always with you. The longing and discontent you feel now I don’t want you to go years feeling a longing and discontent, Gay Hendricks says, just a feather on your cheek of longing and discontent should help you to make a move.
00;22;00;28 – 00;22;20;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
So for me, for example, if I notice that something’s not going well and I’m feeling myself noticing longing and discontent, I’ll give you a perfect example of this. This week, real time, I scheduled my calendar so back to back and so tight I didn’t even have a lunch break. Now nobody’s in charge of my calendar but me. Nobody’s telling me that my calendar has to look like this.
00;22;20;24 – 00;22;40;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’m the one in charge of my calendar. I just, you know, get. I’m passionate about every project I’m working on. So I’m like, oh, yeah, I’ll put a meeting here. I’ll put that project here. And then on Monday, I started to feel discontent of the busyness and longing for some spaciousness. No, I don’t need that to go on for more than five minutes before I make a change.
00;22;40;18 – 00;22;59;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
And that’s true for you, too. If you’re in a job, go talk to your boss and say, I’ve been noticing something and here’s what I would love. Would you support me if you’re like me? Where? Yes, I, I absolutely report to the founder of this institute and the executive director of this institute. I’m 100% in charge of my calendar.
00;22;59;13 – 00;23;21;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
So I didn’t have to do anything but go, okay, let me rearrange the week so I don’t have to feel this longing and discontent. And so for the rest of the week, I scheduled breaks and moved some things around in lunch and that. And it’s fixed. But the crazy thing is, some of you and some of your clients will go on for years dissatisfied with the schedule, and you’ll just think you have to deal with it.
00;23;21;16 – 00;23;37;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
So that’s just a small example, but think of the ways that you’re feeling longing and discontent. It might be not be a lifetime longing like, oh, I have to change careers, but any sort of longing like, oh, I’d love different hours at my job, or I’d love on the weekends for my husband and I to have more connection.
00;23;37;24 – 00;23;57;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
Or I don’t like when my in-laws come. They expect me to do their laundry, you know, whatever it is that is, is a longing or a discontent for you. Go after it, fix it, solve it, let yourself know it. It doesn’t have to get symptoms in order for you to empower yourself. So, as Helen Keller said, what I’m looking for is an outside me.
00;23;57;26 – 00;24;13;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s in me. I have the power. I have the tools. I love you all very much. I hope you found this helpful. Listen to the outro so you can get yourself involved in the Institute and learn more of this kind of stuff, and we’ll see you in the next episode.
00;24;13;10 – 00;24;44;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
Thanks for joining me this week on The Abundant Coach. Visit our website at Brave Thinking institute.com/coach certification, where you can dive even deeper with additional resources and exciting opportunities. Be sure to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast so you’ll never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, if you loved the show, please rate and review to find out how to jump start your funding, coaching career, and more about my journey to seven figure coach, check out our free.
00;24;44;15 – 00;24;52;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
Meant to Be a Life Coach quiz available at bty.com/coach quiz. I’ll see you in the next episode.
