00;00;03;23 – 00;00;32;15

Lauren Brollier Newton

Welcome to the abundant coach. I’m your host, Lauren Brollier Newton. This is a weekly podcast about creating full spectrum success with a thriving coaching business, while making a profound difference in the world. Each week, you’ll discover insights, strategies, and inspiration to help you attract your ideal clients. Facilitate real transformation in their lives, and grow your coaching business while living your purpose with true freedom and fulfillment.

 

00;00;32;18 – 00;00;57;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

Well, welcome to the Abundance Coach. Oh my goodness, do I have a good one for you! I’m fan girling over here because I have the privilege of bringing to you today Marissa Pier, founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy. She’s a world renowned therapist, motivational speaker, and bestselling author. She was named Best British Therapist by men’s Health magazine. She’s been featured in Tatler, Guide to Britain’s 250 Best Doctors, and she’s now teaching other.

 

00;00;57;16 – 00;01;09;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

She’s certified thousands of rapid, transformational therapists, and she’s going to bring to us today some of her wisdom. So, Marissa, thank you so much for your willingness to do the Abundance Coach podcast.

 

00;01;09;29 – 00;01;13;16

Marisa Peer

Well, thank you for inviting me. It’s wonderful to be here.

 

00;01;13;19 – 00;01;33;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

I am so thrilled. I have about a list of 100 questions to ask you, so we’ll get to as many as we can get to. The first thing I want to have you share with our audience. For those who may not know, is what is rapid transformational therapy and how did you create it? Discover it. What led to the creation of rapid transformational Therapy?

 

00;01;33;08 – 00;01;53;20

Marisa Peer

Therapy was always seen as something slow. So it was like slow therapy. It was like slow. Transformational therapy because you went to a therapist every week. And really, the idea was not even that you would change, but that you just learned to be yourself. And there was a great belief that therapy is effective depending on the relationship between the therapist and the client.

 

00;01;53;20 – 00;02;11;19

Marisa Peer

And it’s the relationship was everything and I didn’t. I do understand that, but I also challenged it because, you know, when I got run over almost two years ago, I didn’t need a relationship with the ambulance driver or indeed the orthopedic surgeon I didn’t have, or they just fixed me. I didn’t have to have a relationship. If I had, my tooth fell out.

 

00;02;11;21 – 00;02;25;29

Marisa Peer

I don’t need any relationship with my dentist. If I put out my back, I don’t need a relationship with my car, but I need to. Hey you good? Can you fix my back and I the therapy? Surely. Shouldn’t it have the same message? All these healing modalities. Say one thing. Bring me your pain. I’m going to fix you.

 

00;02;25;29 – 00;02;57;25

Marisa Peer

The therapist is bringing your pain and I might fix it. But we’re going to have relationship. And if you didn’t fix it, you’re going to learn to be yourself. And it’s going to take several years, which, you know, people in pain have one question. Can you get me out of pain? Can you not just the pain of I have terrible migraine headaches, the pain of I can’t find love, I self-sabotage, I procrastinate, I can’t progress in the career of my dreams because I’ve got all these blocks and it’s all painful.

 

00;02;57;25 – 00;03;18;22

Marisa Peer

Whether it’s emotional pain or physical pain, it hurts. Whether it’s psychosomatic pain, organic pain, it hurts. So I wanted to create something. They took people out of pain fast, like going to the dentist. And that’s why I created rapid transformation. Not only am I going to get a flat, it was. I mean, that’s outrageous. You should not put the word rapid in front of her.

 

00;03;18;22 – 00;03;41;14

Marisa Peer

I basically said who? The therapy was invented in the 60s when women were a home. They could go to the therapist every week and talk about their challenges. They were lonely. But we live in a very fast world. It’s not the 60s anymore, and I think the idea of every Wednesday at 4:00 is a bit dated. And I think they were to say, hey, turn up with your pain.

 

00;03;41;19 – 00;03;57;18

Marisa Peer

I’m going to fix you today. In 1 to 3 sessions, you won’t have that pain anymore and you’re going to live your best life. So that’s what it says. Bring me your pain together. We’re going to fix it in 1 to 3 sessions. And it’s incredibly effective.

 

00;03;57;21 – 00;04;14;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that so much. I love the idea of asking the question says who? Like why to be that way? Why? Why do we have to live in an old model if there’s something that can help people faster, why be, you know, offended or clutching your pearls over the fact that I want to help people faster?

 

00;04;14;07 – 00;04;34;11

Marisa Peer

Yeah. Of course. And, you know, it’s like saying in the 60s, if you’re a smart woman, you wouldn’t find a husband in the 60s. You never discussed periods. In fact, they showed blue ink on the television. But I guess a black and white TV set in the why shouldn’t we push? You can have everything. So if you questionably if you no longer believe it to be true.

 

00;04;34;11 – 00;04;50;15

Marisa Peer

And that’s what we do as coaches. Is that really true? Is that true for you? Why do you think that’s true? Who told you that? What did they know? And even if it was true for them, doesn’t have to be true for you. I’m always questioning beliefs and that’s a good thing. Today we don’t have the belief that, if any, make it.

 

00;04;50;15 – 00;05;10;23

Marisa Peer

If you’ve been to college, you make money. If you come from money, if you’re successful, you’ll have a terrible family. We don’t believe any of that anymore. And so we always have to question beliefs, and I certainly question the belief about therapy and said, you know, it’s old fashioned. It might serve the service. It doesn’t serve the client.

 

00;05;10;23 – 00;05;18;20

Marisa Peer

They don’t have every week to turn up because they’re in pain and they want a fast result. Why shouldn’t they.

 

00;05;18;22 – 00;05;39;10

Lauren Brollier Newton

So true. When I was I suffered with debilitating anxiety when I was in my late teens and early 20s really my whole life, but I didn’t have a word for it until I was in my late teens or early 20s. And I went to a cognitive behavioral therapist, and she and and she was wonderful. And she would always comment about how fast I was at applying what she said.

 

00;05;39;12 – 00;05;56;21

Lauren Brollier Newton

And I did heal quickly, you know, to the level of I no longer had anxiety attacks. It wasn’t like I was thriving, but I no longer had anxiety attacks. And I always found it interesting even at that age, that she would comment about how fast I was and how easily I applied things. And I would think to myself, isn’t that why I’m here?

 

00;05;56;21 – 00;06;00;10

Lauren Brollier Newton

I want to get better. Like I want to get better fast, you know?

 

00;06;00;10 – 00;06;23;27

Marisa Peer

Promises will tell you that if as they dispense prescription, they get, oh, this is a really amazing medication, this is going to be wonderful for you. Clients get better faster when they’re told this is going to suit you. You said, lucky you got this new wonder drug, even if it’s a placebo. So we know that words great magic that every thought you think has a physical reaction and an emotional response.

 

00;06;23;27 – 00;06;42;17

Marisa Peer

And you had a great therapy saying you’re doing so well. I say to my clients, I’m so proud of you. You’re doing this so you have an innate understanding of yourself and well done, what you just saw and how you work that out. And if you praise clients, I think, wow. Yeah. My therapist said I’m faster learner.

 

00;06;42;17 – 00;07;03;10

Marisa Peer

I’ve got an innate wisdom. I understand myself, and I’m great at applying the changes and we should all be doing that. We should never be saying, well, you know, this is long and complex and it’s going to take ages to fix, you know, and I was training to be a therapist. My very eminent professor said to, you know, the mind is very complex, very complex.

 

00;07;03;10 – 00;07;19;23

Marisa Peer

So a lifetime to understand it and a second lifetime to apply it. And I’m like, well, how does that relate? Because I haven’t got to say, unless I’m a Hindu, I haven’t got a second lifetime. So what’s the point of the mind going, hey, here’s a brilliant brain. When you’re 95, you probably crack it. What’s the point? Because you can’t put it into these.

 

00;07;19;25 – 00;07;47;16

Marisa Peer

Can’t apply it. That can’t be true. We will say the school days are the best days of your life. Not for everybody. Not people who are bullied. Always moving. It’s all downhill. You know you’re finished when you’re 40. They have some very strange expression. And I love you so much. I get these people say to their children something to say, but the way it is in school days, the best days of your life and it’s all downhill.

 

00;07;47;19 – 00;08;04;17

Marisa Peer

And when you get to 40, you’ve really had it. You’ve got more chance of finding being an alien than finding love at 45, which is nonsense. So therapy is a very good thing. Where do we get this belief from? Who told you that? You know, I define education to me once and said, I’m going to call off my wedding.

 

00;08;04;17 – 00;08;24;12

Marisa Peer

I love my husband said, you got 50 million sperm. I’m like, well, how many do you need? Last time I looked, wasn’t it long? I mean, you don’t need 49 million of those sperm to. You should have 250 million. It is all so redundant. You need one. Don’t divorce. Don’t pull off your wedding. Decide that you need one sperm.

 

00;08;24;12 – 00;08;45;25

Marisa Peer

And he’s got one sperm and that one sperms. When I make my baby. And she was pregnant even before the wedding took place. Because, you know, know it’s all about reframe. Let’s reframe a thought. My husband doesn’t have enough sperm. I just need what? There’s no good men. I only need one. They must be one good man. So we always have to question our beliefs.

 

00;08;45;25 – 00;08;55;00

Marisa Peer

Who told you that? Why are you believing that? Is that even true? And even if it’s true for everyone else, it doesn’t have to be true for you.

 

00;08;55;03 – 00;09;09;28

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that, you know, this is so resonant. I know it’s going to be resonate with all the coaches listening. And just for me personally, I’m 37 and I just had a baby. And as you can imagine, you hear 37 and then people were like, it’s a geriatric pregnancy and it’s going to be harder. And this and that.

 

00;09;09;28 – 00;09;28;26

Lauren Brollier Newton

Like you’d go to the doctor’s office and they would say all these statistics to me. And I would actually say in the doctor’s office, that’s not true about me. Thank you for that statistic. But that’s not true about me. And it was easy. I got pregnant so fast and, I truly know that it’s because I just didn’t buy into the things about my age.

 

00;09;28;26 – 00;09;32;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

I was like, I’m, I’m fertile and it’s going to be easy.

 

00;09;32;09 – 00;09;53;07

Marisa Peer

And then we’ll say, oh, it’s so hard having a baby. But actually it really isn’t if you have one, they sleep a lot. Yes, sleep when they sleep because it oh it’s exhausting. You can’t even have a shower push. You can have a shower. They sleep for hours. Yes. How do you keep ironing their sheets and ironing their clothes?

 

00;09;53;10 – 00;10;12;15

Marisa Peer

I do it on a newborn’s clothes and making everything perfect. You should just love your baby and sleep when they sleep. And you know, we have to really get away from this. Who are telling us? Oh my God, it’s so hard. Being married is so hard. Really. I found being single hard. I got to get out of bed and go to the pharmacy myself.

 

00;10;12;15 – 00;10;30;13

Marisa Peer

I married my lovely. I was it because the pharmacy makes sense? So having someone share your life that loves you is not hard. But being on your own can be much harder. So again, it’s like, who said that? Yeah it doesn’t. Any of it is true. It doesn’t have to be true for you.

 

00;10;30;16 – 00;10;43;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s right. That’s right I love that. So I would love to ask you a little bit about how does rapid transformational therapy, how does the modality work, like getting a little bit more into the to the nitty gritty of it?

 

00;10;43;04 – 00;11;00;08

Marisa Peer

Well, I would say that I’ve trained 19,000 therapist, you know, five hats. The first hat you put on is you become what we thought a good detective, a client comes in and you are some questions. One of the questions I say to my clients, they might say, oh, you know, I self-sabotage. My life’s a mess, I can’t drink.

 

00;11;00;08 – 00;11;18;15

Marisa Peer

Have you got brothers and sisters? Yeah. So how are they? They’re all the same, I know immediately. Now there’s a very strange. I think I owe my brothers and sisters a great. It’s just me. How do you know? Something’s probably happened to that client. To a good detective. What kind of lipstick? Pictures on the wall. And they look at the scene and they’re working out what happened.

 

00;11;18;17 – 00;11;32;15

Marisa Peer

And a good therapist is a good detective. The first thing you do is you gather information. When did this happen? What was going on? When it happened? Like one of my clients said to me I was perfectly normal till I was 11. And then I got really fat and depressed. What happened was, oh, that’s when I switched schools.

 

00;11;32;17 – 00;11;49;28

Marisa Peer

Had you go to my grandpa’s and my brain doesn’t interfere with me, and I couldn’t do anything because my mom had to come pick me up. It was so far away. I got into this school with a scholarship. She was so happy. But it was an hour’s drive and I couldn’t say, mom, I. After school I go to my granddad’s house and he puts his hand up my skirt.

 

00;11;49;29 – 00;12;13;10

Marisa Peer

I couldn’t tell her. That’s when I started to get those headaches and for me, I got fatter and fatter. So we’ve got some great information here. So first we get the information. We investigate in the second day as we then interpret how did that scene affect our client, what was going on. And then we interrupt the belief and then finally we do the last.

 

00;12;13;15 – 00;12;33;06

Marisa Peer

Should we install a brand new belief to investigate in turbo interrupt and in store. And you do them all at the same time? Because what do we say now? I’m going to theory and investigating. I’m spending two years looking at stuff. Well maybe I’m going to I’m uninstalling, but I like to do everything at the same time. Let’s investigate.

 

00;12;33;08 – 00;12;53;19

Marisa Peer

You know, I was working with a fashion designer a few years ago, a very famous guy who said, you know, every time the fashion I saw I fall apart, I. I get panic attacks. I’m so anxious, I think I should retire, but then surely I take this with me. What’s so interesting went back to a scene where his father, obviously suspecting his son was gay, had a complete madness.

 

00;12;53;19 – 00;13;15;28

Marisa Peer

It stopped drawing all those dresses. Men don’t draw dresses. You’re not at all dressed in through all his drawings in the font. And then mother and I said, oh, darling, I love the dresses, but we’ve got to do this all in secret, so, you know, don’t do that. Pretend that dad. No, because he hates the dresses. And so now the client’s looking at, oh, I had both terror and joy.

 

00;13;16;00 – 00;13;36;21

Marisa Peer

I draw the dresses in secret, and it was both thrilling, but also scary because my father had banned me. And now, all these years later, I have exactly the same feeling shame, terror and delight. So now we’ve got the information. The next step is what we’re going to do with that. We’re going to say, but you know, when you were 7 or 10, your dad was only 25.

 

00;13;36;21 – 00;14;01;22

Marisa Peer

You weren’t gifted a mature parent. You had an immature image, you grew up next to you, and now your dad doesn’t care that you’re gay, actually loves your husband. He comes to all your shows, so it’s never no longer appropriate. Which is that little boy. So we we’ve understood what happened, but the next skill is let’s look at it and say, well, that made perfect any kid would have felt the way you felt, but is not appropriate.

 

00;14;01;22 – 00;14;25;10

Marisa Peer

To feel it now is outdated, is inappropriate. But you see, this is all logical. Then the third step is decent hypnosis and say things like you love designing. You find it thrilling and compelling and rewarding. And when you’re speaking to clients, everything makes sense. And there’s your dad in the front row, whooping and clapping because you’re not that little boy.

 

00;14;25;10 – 00;14;44;27

Marisa Peer

You’re a grown up man and you were given this gift. And if you’re given a gift, you’re supposed to use it to give other people joy. So that was a very simple session. Go back and understand what happened. Make sense of it with the client. This happened and this is how you felt and you’re still keeping it going.

 

00;14;44;29 – 00;15;12;04

Marisa Peer

But now we’re going to break the pattern. So it’s as you know, it’s find the pattern, understand the pattern, change the pattern, but do it all at the same time. Don’t find the pattern for one week, understand it in the next and change at the next. Find it, understand it, change it all at the same time. It’s so powerful and clients love it because you go, wow, I hadn’t realized at that close that what was that seeing that did that, now I do, I’m free.

 

00;15;12;06 – 00;15;18;25

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that. So how does the actual hypnosis part work? Like what would that part of the session look like?

 

00;15;18;28 – 00;15;36;20

Marisa Peer

Well, you know, when client comes in and says, I come, I’m no good with confrontation. I can’t be looked. I can’t leave food. The first thing to say is, you know, you were born and my baby says, I can’t leave food. No, baby says, don’t look at me. I haven’t got any teeth. No baby says I can’t sleep.

 

00;15;36;22 – 00;15;56;09

Marisa Peer

And I’m. They can’t even bite their nose because they’ve got any teeth for the first year. So we know already this was acquired. And we also know something great. The mind goes backwards, I might say. You know, when I smile, I want to think of my grandmother. When I hear Barry White, I think of my first book, when I Taste Apple Pie, I think of my mother say, taste, smell, sound.

 

00;15;56;09 – 00;16;14;08

Marisa Peer

The brain goes back. When did I first experience that? And was it a good or bad? When my girl I hate the taste. I believe I was made to eat that at school. I love the taste of ice cream. I got that every Sunday. So hypnosis just says to the client, close your eyes. We know you acquired this habit or fear or study.

 

00;16;14;10 – 00;16;32;14

Marisa Peer

I’m going to click my finger. You’re gonna go right back to when? Because, you see, I do take my clients. That my clients take me exactly where they need to go. But I simply say we’re going to go back to a scene. It’s very important to say, look, darling, you’ve already dealt with a scene. You’re just dealing with what it did.

 

00;16;32;14 – 00;16;56;24

Marisa Peer

You’re not going to relive it. You can’t go back and say, let’s taste the best ice cream you ever had in your life. You can’t relive it, but you can review it. And if you can remove it, lose fascination. Look at that. That’s my brother. You know, being horrible to me. You know, I worked with a psychiatrist once who told me I hate all my clients this week, and, I have no empathy for them whatsoever.

 

00;16;56;26 – 00;17;15;18

Marisa Peer

And she said, I have no friends, no husband, no animals. I’ve got nothing very interesting, lonely life. But when she went back, she went back to the scene that happened every day. Her brother would come into the room, she was a baby and pinch and scratch and go, I hate you. Wish you’d never been born. And he carried this on even when she was five.

 

00;17;15;18 – 00;17;35;25

Marisa Peer

She say to her mother, because, oh no, he loves you. Because when he doesn’t love me comes in the room and tells me he’s read. No, no, no, he loves you. And so she had all these memories being hated and disliked by the brother. And the parents didn’t intervene. They just pretended it was fine. Then when she was 12, he would still pull her hair, ruined her homework and teach.

 

00;17;35;25 – 00;17;55;27

Marisa Peer

You grow up with this belief. Nobody likes me and now she’s created a life where she can’t be vulnerable. So she’s excluded everyone from her life because letting people in, they could hurt her to. First of all, she believes there’s something about her makes no want to like her. And she also believes that she cannot tolerate having someone reject her anymore.

 

00;17;55;27 – 00;18;15;16

Marisa Peer

So she’s now living a life without anyone. And after that session, it was like a light bulb went on and I heard she was in. She went, wow, I never realized that my parents should have manage that. I should say to my brother, don’t you dare do that. This is your sister. We didn’t get past this as we love them, but they just pretend it didn’t happen.

 

00;18;15;19 – 00;18;35;00

Marisa Peer

You know, my brother shouldn’t have done it, but they were really at fault. But you know, that’s not my life now. So the going back to see something fairly simple, but was repeated constantly until it wasn’t fleeting, it was fixed. It was a fixed belief. People don’t like me. What I think do upset people and no one protects me.

 

00;18;35;00 – 00;18;54;28

Marisa Peer

So I can only protect myself by living a life with no one in it. And when she could see, she went. Children. They take control of the situation. They can’t make sense of it. They go, it’s all my fault. It’s my fault. But I’ll get better and it will change. It doesn’t get better, it doesn’t change. And then they believe all of this is all my fault even more.

 

00;18;55;00 – 00;19;15;06

Marisa Peer

And just saying this was not your fault. You had every right to not have that happen to you. And while you couldn’t change it, then you can change it. No, you can’t either. Or you can say, my brother obviously is a very unhappy person. The good news is your brother has to live what he did with his brother that you don’t because you didn’t do anything bad.

 

00;19;15;06 – 00;19;33;02

Marisa Peer

He did. He was a perpetrator. So you’re free. So just some simple shifts for clients. You know, as a coach and a therapist, we have one job. Give your client freedom and empowerment. And if you think that you can do an amazing job.

 

00;19;33;04 – 00;19;57;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes. So one thing okay, I have so many questions I love this. So one thing that sometimes comes up for our clients at Brave Thinking Institute as we’re as we’re helping them notice what they’re noticing, change their thinking, and we’re training our coaches to do that. One of the questions we often get from our coaches is, how do I balance being compassionate about the emotions, but moving the client out of them?

 

00;19;57;11 – 00;20;21;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

In other words, honoring the feeling. But Mary Morrissey, our founder, would say it’s okay to notice it’s okay to have the feelings. Just don’t pitch a tent there and live there. So, therapist, as a coach, how do you strike the balance between the compassion of feeling what you’re feeling but not because I could imagine that there’s a scenario where you just you have this memory.

 

00;20;21;09 – 00;20;37;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

You talk about what? That client, what happened with her brother, and then it could be easy to kind of pitch a tent there and go, that was messed up. And this caused all this harm in my life in this. So I’m guessing that’s the interrupt and interrupt and install part solves that feeling.

 

00;20;37;13 – 00;21;00;07

Marisa Peer

Empowerment part is and you were six you recorded dependent child. That means you were dependent on other people to have your needs met. You had every right to feel the way you felt. But you’re not so different. You don’t have an independent adult and why you couldn’t change it then you had no power to change it. Today you have the power to say that is no longer relevant or necessary.

 

00;21;00;07 – 00;21;12;25

Marisa Peer

Interestingly, even appropriate, to ever think you’re a little girl being attacked by your brother. If your brother came to your house a day just to kick, you’d say, hey, get out of my house and never come back. If you woke up and your mother was standing with a pencil, that’s what you do. You go, what are you doing?

 

00;21;12;25 – 00;21;27;08

Marisa Peer

Leave my house and never come back. You might call the police, but you wouldn’t act like your father. I wouldn’t say to my times what do you do? Imagine something. Is your dad going? It’s on your plate. Eat it. You’re not getting down until you’ve finished it. But now imagine you go to a restaurant. The waiter says it’s on your plate.

 

00;21;27;08 – 00;21;52;24

Marisa Peer

Eat it. You go joking about. I don’t want you. I don’t like it. I’m. So. Do you think it’s so great? You eat it because you’re not a child and it’s appropriate to that. Maybe you don’t have to feel like that. Because when people say no, I still, you know, oh my God, when I can’t, you know, get a mat, I start to cry or I don’t have to take something back to a store, or I fall apart with confrontation because they’ve gone back to feeling like a child.

 

00;21;52;26 – 00;22;14;12

Marisa Peer

You know, I love this expression. We play the only part we’ve ever known until we make that part out very know I can’t eat in front of my parents. They told me I’m a mess. I let you 43. Oh, I can’t eat in front of my parents. I can’t, you know, upset them. I tell them I’ve got a boyfriend that stays at the weekend.

 

00;22;14;12 – 00;22;34;27

Marisa Peer

They wouldn’t like that. And we have to tell them, look, you, when you are little, you need parents. Adults need friends and a wonderful partner. And your parents can be your friends, but they can’t say you’re allowed to do that. You shouldn’t feel like that. That’s not okay. But you see, you’re both playing this part. They’re still playing the parent.

 

00;22;34;27 – 00;22;56;24

Marisa Peer

You still playing, then you have to play a different part. I’m a grown up mum and I don’t want to eat cake. It’s stop making me cake every night because I don’t want it. I’m not a mess. I’m not silly. Yes, I’ve got some. I’m having a wonderful sex life with them. And because I’m a grown up person, you see, the parents will always play the same role because that’s all they know.

 

00;22;56;24 – 00;23;16;09

Marisa Peer

But we have to say I’m. It’s like playing tennis. If I put down my racket and walk off the court, the game can’t continue. That’s right. You mentally put down the racket and say you’re going to show up is controlling parents, so I’m not going to show up. As a control child. I have a choice. I didn’t have my choices.

 

00;23;16;09 – 00;23;31;28

Marisa Peer

I’m an adult here and I can think different thoughts. And of course, if you went to dinner with your parents, they did eat it. You go, I don’t like it. I don’t want to eat it at school. You have to sit and eat it with tears running down your face because you have no power. As an adult. You have so much power.

 

00;23;32;00 – 00;23;51;06

Marisa Peer

You know, I often in telling clients stories like saying, imagine, you know, I was in a shop and I lost my little girl. I was changing and she could actually crawl under the curbs. I was in my underwear and I ran out and she’d gone and I was in absolute fear. I called the security. They locked all the doors.

 

00;23;51;09 – 00;24;08;24

Marisa Peer

We fired at the fish because, mommy, I know you like fish. So I went to the fish counter to wait for it. I was like, darling, when I lost my baby, I’m not going to be buying prawns. You’re everything to me. But imagine 20 years later and I lost my mother and my daughter in a store. My daughter’s plugged into earphones, my mother’s death.

 

00;24;08;26 – 00;24;34;26

Marisa Peer

I didn’t cry because I bought a newspaper and sat down to read it and they both found me, had a phone. They paged me. So when you lose your mother in a store at four is terrifying. At 44, I think I’ve lost my mother. How annoying. But she’ll page me. She’ll find me. I’ll find her. So we we point out how inappropriate it would be to react as if we’re still full, and then we take it and say, but you are still acting as if you’re full.

 

00;24;34;29 – 00;24;53;20

Marisa Peer

Yeah, you’re not full. And I do something. You know, I love these powerful techniques. So it’s one of the things we do in acting. We say, I want to do that. It’s not me anymore. And I want you to tell me why that’s not me anymore. Because. And I go, well, because I don’t go to school wearing secondhand clothes.

 

00;24;53;20 – 00;25;15;18

Marisa Peer

I’m not a kid that goes without lunch. That’s not me anymore. I don’t live with my mother’s crazy boyfriend, who was always drunk. So I did tell them. They tell me, tell me. I want you to say that. Not anymore. Because. And I make them tell me until they’ve run out of options here, that really isn’t me. Because what we’re saying in the head is it is me.

 

00;25;15;21 – 00;25;28;26

Marisa Peer

The soul is same. I still can’t find love. I still can’t get my life together. Because I still think I’m that child. But you’re not, you’re not. You’re an adult person with so many options.

 

00;25;28;28 – 00;25;35;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love the prompt. That’s not me anymore. That’s not me anymore. And letting the client tell you why.

 

00;25;35;11 – 00;25;53;07

Marisa Peer

They have to tell you why they have to stay to and affirming if they go, oh, well, that’s not me. Now I want you to shout it out. Don’t just mumble it. That’s not me. And they love that because it isn’t them. You know, I worked with a client. So sad. Her. She came in and said, you know, I’ve got depression.

 

00;25;53;07 – 00;26;11;01

Marisa Peer

Her mother had killed herself and she said, it didn’t hurt, you know, because she didn’t like me. I said, oh, that’s not true. Your mother killed herself knowing that you would find her in the kitchen on the way home from school. And you said didn’t like you. You were her mother didn’t like you, and she killed herself. And this woman had no voice.

 

00;26;11;01 – 00;26;37;10

Marisa Peer

And I said, I. You’re actually more repressed and depressed. And I started to make her say, okay. And she said, I could never say that we could actually. Is it in your case? It’s a very good thing because it’s a very thing a child can’t do. They can’t say, no, I’m not going to do that, get lost or even walk off and for her, she found it so liberating to say because she was very put upon her mother in law was horrible to her.

 

00;26;37;12 – 00;26;54;14

Marisa Peer

And she said, you know, the marvelous thing is, after seeing you a year later, my doctor called me at the office and said, you’re not recalling your prescription. She said, I’m not depressed with nobody. You’ll get depressed because you’ve got the gene, you see. Remember, your mother killed herself and you must you must take the, medication because it will come back.

 

00;26;54;14 – 00;27;12;13

Marisa Peer

She said, you know it’s not coming back. I’m not good for you. I’m not coming back here. Made. And I found a new doctor who said, you don’t need anti-depressants. You’re not depressed. But you see that word for her work? You. She could never have said that at four or 5 or 6, after her mother died, she became a good girl.

 

00;27;12;13 – 00;27;34;06

Marisa Peer

Her father was so upset she never did anything except look after him. And she had played the only part she ever knew on a good girl. And people don’t really like me. So now she’s in a situation where her mother in law is rude, everyone is rude, and all she had to do was say, okay, if you don’t like my cooking, you need to come to my house ever again.

 

00;27;34;09 – 00;27;53;20

Marisa Peer

And so for her, it was a wonderful thing to say. You’re not a child when your mother is a really darling, you can’t even say, well, what? You really think that? Why you bothering to come here and do us a favor? You don’t like me? I don’t like your rudeness. Let’s just not see each other anymore. When she did that, the mother in law changed.

 

00;27;53;22 – 00;28;09;29

Marisa Peer

She did respect for her. It was very different because she stopped playing the part of a little girl. But please, everyone, I said, look, if you really find my company and my cooking that bad at home, let’s do us a favor.

 

00;28;10;01 – 00;28;37;29

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that. I love that so much. So so powerful. So let me ask you this question. So sometimes our coaches, as they get certified or not, just in our modality, brave thinking, but I’m sure it happens across modalities. Some of them get this feeling of what they might call imposter syndrome, or this feeling if my life isn’t perfect, if I’m not completely healed, if I’m not perfectly using my own modality, I can’t help anybody else.

 

00;28;38;01 – 00;28;40;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

What would you say to that?

 

00;28;40;14 – 00;29;05;16

Marisa Peer

I would say, you know, most many gynecologists that even have a vagina, but that hasn’t stopped. Many coaches, sports coaches never have never been on this field. Many great writing teams never written a book, you know? So that simply isn’t the case. And we can look at that and say, who am I? But, you know, I’m a flawed person and I have flawed relationship with flawed people.

 

00;29;05;16 – 00;29;25;09

Marisa Peer

I call it being flaws. And it’s a wonderful thing. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t have all of it less because perfect people intimidate us. And so I remember that someone saying to me once, wow, you must have the most amazing marriage because you’ve changed my marriage. And I didn’t even have a boyfriend. But I didn’t want to tell him that because he was thinking, oh, go to a marriage, you must be amazing.

 

00;29;25;11 – 00;29;41;26

Marisa Peer

So only I laminated things you said and put them on my fridge. And I’m just having the best relationship with my wife. And I didn’t want to tell him that. I actually didn’t yet have a marriage. You know, some parenting coaches have never had children. Some of the people that I’m teaching had they never even had a baby.

 

00;29;41;26 – 00;30;04;01

Marisa Peer

And they saying, oh yes, it’s control crying. Just leave it. Even Doctor Spock apologized to the whole nation and said, I’m so sorry I got everything wrong, so you don’t have to do it to coach it. You could be a baseball coach who doesn’t play baseball. You can be a birthing coach who’s never giving birth. Apparently because she’s never had a kid in the gynecologist, hasn’t even got the body parts.

 

00;30;04;04 – 00;30;32;20

Marisa Peer

You can be good at it, you know. You can be very good at it. So don’t think, wow, you know, I shouldn’t coach wealth. I’m not wealthy. I shouldn’t coach health. I’m not healthy. I shouldn’t coach love. I don’t have love. You’re helping someone else get better. But in doing that, you probably also help yourself. Brilliant. I mean sure I, I think if you’re very out of shape and your health coach plans, I think we’ll, hang on a minute, you know, you know that look great.

 

00;30;32;20 – 00;30;56;15

Marisa Peer

So it is quite important to play the parts that you know, unhealthy. I apply this to my relationship, but at the same time, don’t think, you know, I coach many, many football players. I’m not a football player, but I coach the whole football team to win a premiership league, and I don’t play. So I didn’t even know when they told me we need to finish a move, that that actually meant score a goal.

 

00;30;56;15 – 00;31;15;20

Marisa Peer

I had no idea finishing a move means getting the ball bring in the back of the net, but I didn’t need to know. I coach and ice skate and ice skating in my life. And she’s I need to do eight and land on an act. So I said, you can’t tell me what you want, tell me what you really, really want.

 

00;31;15;23 – 00;31;36;21

Marisa Peer

And then I’ll, give them that. And I worked for the girl many years ago who had six miscarriages is terribly sad. And she’ll say, you know, my womb lining is too thin and I can’t carry a baby to full term. And I began to use hypnosis, telling her that, you know, you’re making this very thick womb lining your your FSH level.

 

00;31;36;21 – 00;31;56;23

Marisa Peer

She said it had to be 11. Your ovarian reserve. I don’t know what it was. I gave her the numbers and at the end she said to me, wow, I was so impressed. Use medical terms. But something you told me what you needed. I just spit it back to you and told you. You had the right level of hormones, your womb lining your FSR over and reserve, or what you saw where they had to be.

 

00;31;56;25 – 00;32;15;03

Marisa Peer

And I wrote a book while trying to get pregnant, and she wrote the Forward and said, I was amazed, you know, and and I got pregnant and lo and behold, I carried that baby to full term. I had a perfect son, you know, I haven’t had six miscarriages, but I could still help her carry a baby tomorrow because she told me what was going wrong.

 

00;32;15;06 – 00;32;37;11

Marisa Peer

And then we flip over to someone, says, I blush every time someone looks at me. Well, we flip that. When people look at me, I feel cool and calm and collected and I can speak to anyone about anything. And Z just speaking to my best friend. When someone says I’m always linked, we start to say you love big and you realize you were.

 

00;32;37;14 – 00;32;50;09

Marisa Peer

LH is very important, is really exciting words. It throws you at a later. It empowers you so inclined to tell us what’s going wrong. They also tell us we have to put it right because we we’re always going to flip it.

 

00;32;50;11 – 00;33;09;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that I had a two experiences with hypnosis. One was I had a terrible, terrible fear of flying. Couldn’t get on a plane. I always thought I was going to die. And then when I met Mary Morrissey and Brave Thinking Institute and I created this vision of a life I wanted, I was like the woman in my vision.

 

00;33;09;18 – 00;33;27;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

She gets on airplanes like she’s not afraid of flying. And so I went to hypnosis, and I remember the first time I went to this hypnotherapist, I almost drove out of the parking lot because I was terrified that she was going to help me. I was like, oh my gosh, she’s going to a plane. And then I’ll be on a plane and I’m terrified of being on.

 

00;33;27;05 – 00;33;47;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

So I in about three sessions I was able to get on a plane and now I fly everywhere. I fly, you know, 50, sometimes 60 flights a year. But when I became pregnant with my son that I just had a few months ago, I had had a miscarriage prior. And so I had this terrified feeling like this is all too good to be true.

 

00;33;47;06 – 00;34;15;04

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s all going to go away. And so every two weeks, for my whole pregnancy, I had hypnosis. Every other Saturday of it’s all working out. You’re holding your baby in your arms. It’s beautiful. He’s healthy, those kind of things. And it was magnificent. It was so helpful. So my question for you is how might rapid transformational therapy differ from a more, like a regular hypnosis like I might have experienced over my fear of flying or pregnancy?

 

00;34;15;06 – 00;34;31;28

Marisa Peer

Like, again, it’s because it’s it’s rapid. So, for instance, when clients come in and begin to tell me, like there’s an airplane or I’m scared of losing the baby, I said, sort of, you know, the way you feel about this comes down to just two things the pictures you make in your head and the words you construct which you use to change.

 

00;34;31;28 – 00;34;55;00

Marisa Peer

In fact, it’s really just even the words because the words make the pictures. Look at that play. That’s a flying coffin, I might die. No one thinks that. In the car ride to the airport, which is the most dangerous part of flying, the car ride to the airport is much more dangerous. Being on the plane. So we very quickly see the pictures you’re making, the words you’re using, and we go back and I think traditional therapy, the therapist will tell you, will you do that?

 

00;34;55;00 – 00;35;16;09

Marisa Peer

Because of that, you need to see. The client tells us, here’s these scenes. Tell me how those scenes. Then of course, you’d be the way you are, because if I might go away again and my therapist told me that, oh, that’s silly. Your therapist doesn’t even know that’s not true. But when they do it and they go, oh, yes, I put it all together, they’re not going to argue with themselves.

 

00;35;16;09 – 00;35;39;09

Marisa Peer

So I realized very quickly that when you allow a client to participate in their recovery, when they’re starting to say, you know, you know, one of my clients got lost at a football match. He was a tiny little boy of four. And you can imagine being in the sea of legs at a massive stadium. He then developed tremendous agoraphobia, fear of being outside.

 

00;35;39;11 – 00;36;00;08

Marisa Peer

I declined this, it was a terrible scene. She, her mother, was giving birth on the bathroom at 16, and as the baby came, she kept pushing her back in and she had claustrophobic fear of enclosed spaces. The mother just didn’t want anyone to know she’s having a baby, so she just pushed the baby back in. You can imagine what that did to that poor child, because she must have felt so unwanted.

 

00;36;00;11 – 00;36;18;15

Marisa Peer

But again, it warranted it. Does it immediately. We don’t wait. Within five minutes of the session, you’re back, you’re looking at the scene, and it’s rather like you participate in your recovery. It’s not. You sit there and I say when I tell you this happened because of that and that happened, and that’s why you’re like that, and I’m going to change it.

 

00;36;18;17 – 00;36;38;23

Marisa Peer

They tell me, I can see now that that was that and that happened. And now I feel empowered because I’m participating in my story. I’m participating in my recovery. I’m some of the simplest things. You know, one of my clients told me that when he was a child, his father said, stand on that table, jump and I’ll catch you as he jumped.

 

00;36;38;23 – 00;37;02;09

Marisa Peer

The father is that’s a lesson to you? Never trust anyone. That’s a bit darling. That’s your of the story to your story. It’s like people who say, my mother said, you know, don’t let a man control you. Once you know, men are always going to leave you. They’re terrible. That’s not your story. That’s another person’s story, which you don’t have to listen to, but it’s someone else’s story.

 

00;37;02;09 – 00;37;23;15

Marisa Peer

And I said his problem is that we make someone else’s story our own. And, the other thing that I find so sad is that it’s it’s the lies we tell ourselves. My boss might say, you’re an idiot. My ex-husband might say, you’re boring, but it’s the lies I tell myself. Well, when I say I’m boring and I’m edgy, I’ve got nothing to avoid.

 

00;37;23;15 – 00;37;40;26

Marisa Peer

It’s the lies we tell ourselves. Who is in such pain? And so a great coach would say. But again that’s not true. That’s a lie. You’re not always right. You’re not the size of a house. You don’t eat like a horse. You haven’t really eaten all weekend nonstop for 48 hours. I’m assuming you at least peed occasionally.

 

00;37;40;28 – 00;38;07;13

Marisa Peer

And I don’t say it into the toilet with you. You possibly slept as well. So I think our PT is very direct. It uses very powerful questions, but also the recording. You know, I’ve listened to some hypnosis recordings. They say the most obvious thing, which is not to knock hypnosis. Hypnosis is amazing, but if you don’t understand the mind, you might say you’re not anxious, you’re not insecure.

 

00;38;07;13 – 00;38;27;01

Marisa Peer

So I say, you know, thinking of eating a piece of Cadbury’s chocolate. I’ve got to think about the Cadbury story, about not eating it so you can really understand how the mind works. It only works in the present tense. It really only responds to words like a vivid picture. The more vivid the better, and the words you put in front of words make it more impactful.

 

00;38;27;03 – 00;38;47;13

Marisa Peer

So if you were to say, well, I’m not hungry, I don’t want to eat pizza, what are the words? Make an impact. Hungry? And pizza. Pizza. If you say to someone who’s depressed, you know, next year you’re going to be okay. Someone who’s bullied, next year you’re going to change schools. The mind doesn’t future pace. So next you don’t have a beach body.

 

00;38;47;13 – 00;39;09;29

Marisa Peer

Next year you’ll be wealthy. Next year it’ll all be great. You have to say now, right now, right now, you’re becoming super healthy, super fertile, creating an amazing business, attracting love even though it doesn’t quite make sense. So our team is very tuned into how does the mind work? It works in the moment. It doesn’t understand, know and don’t and knows.

 

00;39;09;29 – 00;39;30;14

Marisa Peer

Like saying don’t think of an orange snowman. I don’t think of an orange one with an orange carrot in it. And as I’ve now got to think about it, so we do the opposite. Let’s think about what you want. When the rules of the mind is whatever you focus on, you move towards that. It’s only focus on what you want as keep your mind on what you want and off what you don’t want.

 

00;39;30;17 – 00;39;50;02

Marisa Peer

So it’s working very much on the rules of the mind. It’s working on the three things that are wrong with it and the three ways the brain works, which is very simple. And so we keep it simple, but also very, very exciting. And I call it hypnotherapy on steroids because it’s advanced. It doesn’t give the power to the therapist.

 

00;39;50;02 – 00;40;09;27

Marisa Peer

It gives the power to the ground. It’s not. My hypnosis was amazing. It’s an amazing am I hypnotist showed me how to be amazing. It’s not. They were amazing. I’m amazing. You know, this same girl, 11 year old, his grandfather was touching a told me that within a year, she had contact dermatitis only on her inner thighs.

 

00;40;10;00 – 00;40;33;04

Marisa Peer

And again, 30 pounds. I’m like, but that’s genius. I mean, the genius of your mind to say. Got this guy touching. You didn’t know what to do. Let’s have contacts for your skin, for something shapes and let’s make etc.. So he repels you. And it was never about, oh, silly you. It’s like, wow, how clever are you? You actually made your body create something really clever.

 

00;40;33;05 – 00;40;35;09

Marisa Peer

Now you can change it.

 

00;40;35;11 – 00;40;44;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s so powerful. So powerful. Our master coach at the institute, Kirsten Wells, will often say that there’s intelligence encoded in everything.

 

00;40;44;18 – 00;41;10;17

Marisa Peer

And you see, then the client doesn’t go, what an idiot. They go, wow, how powerful am I? If I can make that, I can make myself lean. If I could give myself contact, dermatological massage, perfect skin. So it’s always about I think it’s geared to empower the client, make the client tell they’re running the show, whatever they did, make them feel strong and power who and not fragile, but resilient because you are resilient.

 

00;41;10;20 – 00;41;45;22

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s so, so empowering. So here’s a question. I have a new baby. As I mentioned, he’s he’s, about to be three months old next week. And so I think a lot about, raising him in a way that he feels empowered and smart and loved and creative and all of these things. So if you were in my seat and you were raising a new baby, what were some of the things that you would install, talk about, think about, converse with him to help him be growing up in a way that he feels empowered, loved all those things.

 

00;41;45;24 – 00;42;00;08

Marisa Peer

And my daughter just had a gorgeous little boy who’s five months old. I look at him and he all he knows is love. I mean, he’s a happy baby. He doesn’t really quite expect you to love. And he wakes up with a believe you’re going to play with me and entertain me because I’m worth it. And all babies are born with it.

 

00;42;00;08 – 00;42;20;14

Marisa Peer

And what happens is we start to tell him, you’re not worth it. My busy bother me. So it’s not so much the baby. It’s you. You know, as a parent, if I wish I’d known this. All your kids wanted you to be present with him. Be present with them. Get off the phone. Use as much time to be with them.

 

00;42;20;17 – 00;42;41;02

Marisa Peer

You know, my little mum. You know, when you come in the house, you can play the answering machine before you come and see me. I’m so glad she told me that because I thought, oh, although I wanted to hear my messages, that wasn’t wrong message for her to go and see her and come back to the messages. And you see so many mothers now pushing the stroller on their phone, who is on the phone.

 

00;42;41;02 – 00;42;56;26

Marisa Peer

And so they’re being able to be present with your child. That’s all they want. Be present with them. You know, you can take them to Disneyland, but they’ll say, oh, well, I love them. As we pick berries, I made some jelly. I remember that time we made the cookies or we we drew together so they don’t care about big stuff.

 

00;42;56;26 – 00;43;13;24

Marisa Peer

And secondly, apologize and say to, you know, darling, mommy was cranky today. They might just as well as mommy, have you got your pyramids? I said, I have it. I knew it because you you know, I’d say, you know, darling, mummy was not patient. I had my period. But I always apologize to her. I never say you made me.

 

00;43;13;24 – 00;43;34;14

Marisa Peer

I’d say, I’m so sorry. You deserve better. I was distracted, I wasn’t listening, and they couldn’t say, okay, mommy, they love it when you apologize because I also get cranky. So I would say those two things more than anything. And, you know, the hardest thing for kids as they go to school and they’re supposed to be good at everything.

 

00;43;34;16 – 00;43;52;28

Marisa Peer

And when everything they get into this, you know, schools do this terrible thing with streaming. I mean, go to bed. You have an A and A, B and C stream because what are you saying to the kids in the C stream? You’re not good enough. And I’ve always thought that was a terrible thing, that every school should reward achievement and not a chamber effort.

 

00;43;52;28 – 00;44;13;18

Marisa Peer

You know, if a kid spends 5 pounds drawing, they should get the prize. Not the one who just five minutes and is gifted to kids. Notice the effort and say, you know, this should go to the animals. You say, crying to your grandma. You say going to help mommy in the kitchen, notice their gift and encourage them and say, you know you can do anything.

 

00;44;13;20 – 00;44;30;06

Marisa Peer

But you know, my daughter’s always been an artist. And I said, darling, you’re going to be an artist. You need to learn Latin or German or French. You’re going to be an artist. And if they love it, so notice that gift and encourage their gift, but do not compare them. I mean, I know you wouldn’t, but never say we assistant never got food on this floor.

 

00;44;30;06 – 00;44;47;04

Marisa Peer

Your brother, he could read when he was three. One of my class. When I got to school, the teacher said, oh, I had your brother in my class. I guess the brains had run out before they got to, you know, something to say, you know? But we we children really don’t do well with being compared because they’re unique.

 

00;44;47;06 – 00;45;12;03

Marisa Peer

And I’m sure you know, even already, you know, when you say, oh, you’re so clever. Look what you did. They be they. Yes. Ready when you pleased with them and impressed with them. And so always be impressed and just see us, you know never say you know good. You’re a good boy because you help mommy in the kitchen to say you’re a good boy because you’re loving your life and you’re a good boy because you, you smiling and laughing.

 

00;45;12;03 – 00;45;34;13

Marisa Peer

And I think when you label children, you’re the good one. You’re the mathematic. When you’re the science one, what they hear is, oh, and that’s why you love me. As if I wasn’t. You might not. So always love the fact that you love learning. I love the fact that you love reading. Rather than saying you’re clever, you’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re cute, I love you.

 

00;45;34;13 – 00;45;50;19

Marisa Peer

You know, I was sitting with my girlfriend when we both had babies and she says, I’m just a little girl. I never forgot it. She said, I love you so much. You’ll never find anyone in your life who loves you like I do, and remind me of a client who came in. And to me, that very sort of her father would say to every day, nobody will love you like me.

 

00;45;50;19 – 00;46;05;20

Marisa Peer

Then he died and she couldn’t find love. Could ever believe I’ll never find a man to love me like him. But the truth is I love you because you’re lovable in all your life. You’re going to find love. I love you because you so love. What are you going to find so much love? Going to love you just like I love you.

 

00;46;05;20 – 00;46;24;02

Marisa Peer

Maybe even more than I love you. Because you’re a lovable person. But never say you’ll never find love. Nobody will ever love you like me. We say very weird things to our kids. Do you want to smack? I mean, who’s going to go? Yes, please. I love when you want to be in your room. Do you want me to take that away from you?

 

00;46;24;05 – 00;46;42;18

Marisa Peer

I can’t afford it. I want never get. You know, I often see this play out going just when there’s a magazine and you get some candy, they come back with a big thing. Who do you think you are? I can’t afford that. Don’t show me up. Never ask again. Think confusing for a child. And that’s another great question.

 

00;46;42;18 – 00;46;59;06

Marisa Peer

By that you don’t try not to say no. So if you kick is mommy, I want this leg. I say, well, you want to have that leg of a Christmas? We’re going to get the Lego for your birthday. But don’t say no. I can’t find the money because that’s so confusing to a kid. They go, well, you just get it, go to the bank and they give it to you.

 

00;46;59;08 – 00;47;17;15

Marisa Peer

It’s what they believe. So anything like, no, we can’t afford to say things like, well, you know, if you earn 100 stars, we’ll get the Lego, because I love earning it. My daughter wanted something and as it were, you know, it’s just been Christmas. You have a lot of kids, but if you get 100 stars, let me will get you that.

 

00;47;17;17 – 00;47;32;22

Marisa Peer

She got the hundreds. Couldn’t care less about the gift you wanted to more stone. What else can I do to get another 100 stars? Yeah, that’s a great thing. Teach your kids you have a gift and you can monetize it a little bit. So, you know, I have my kid taking out the trash to earn money, which is nice.

 

00;47;32;22 – 00;47;52;04

Marisa Peer

But what you’re saying is got to do a menial job. Okay. Does an artist draw Mommy’s Christmas cards or do something, you know, make paid for anything you can think of that uses their skill? You same do the dishes and they just break all your plates. Am I talking tax? Let’s say you can wrap all the gifts at Christmas.

 

00;47;52;06 – 00;48;11;19

Marisa Peer

You can make some cards. Even if I didn’t use a stuff, I wanted her to feel that she could earn money using a gift, not earn money taking out the trash and washing pans. So you got to always think ahead. How can I? You know, a parent’s job is to do one thing raise a kid with healthy self-esteem.

 

00;48;11;22 – 00;48;36;14

Marisa Peer

That’s what he says. Here’s a way to do it, and the way to do it is to praise the verb a specific praise. You’re so kind. You’re so good with the dog. I noticed you were so sweet with your little sister, say, praising a lot for something special that you noticed and doing and have them praise themselves. Have them say I’m smart, I’m that I’m really good at art or math.

 

00;48;36;14 – 00;48;56;05

Marisa Peer

So riding my bike because a parent’s job and a teacher’s job is to raise kids with healthy self-esteem, give them emotional resilience. But no one knows how to do that. You know, we’re putting that in the entire school system. And the girls an emotional resilience program. The kids they have, like a cheerleader that lives in their head, that believes in them and cheer them on.

 

00;48;56;05 – 00;49;17;29

Marisa Peer

And it’s really good for them because it makes them emotionally strong. So anything you do, whatever you’re doing, doesn’t matter. But Mandarin lessons or organic broccoli, it matters. Has your kid got healthy self-esteem and what can you do to give it to them and praise them, recognize them and tell them parenting is a joy in my life. You’re so interesting.

 

00;49;17;29 – 00;49;26;26

Marisa Peer

You’re so fun. I love listening to you. Just simple things. I, I think, wow, my parents enjoy my company.

 

00;49;26;29 – 00;49;46;14

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that one of the, one of the ways that has been so fun for our coaches listening to me ask a question like this is they’ve told me that as I ask questions about raising my son Wyatt, that they start to think about, oh, I could tell myself that as a grown up, like I could be telling myself these exact.

 

00;49;46;17 – 00;49;47;15

Marisa Peer

Stories.

 

00;49;47;17 – 00;50;06;20

Lauren Brollier Newton

That you’re learning how to how to share with Wyatt. And it’s so empowering to go, oh, I could tell myself that. I could like I it’s so interesting to think about the way we’re raising him and then going, and I could do that to myself. I could give myself that gift of I’m noticing that I don’t speak to myself that way, and I’m noticing that I could give that gift to myself.

 

00;50;06;20 – 00;50;20;21

Lauren Brollier Newton

And I thought it was so insightful. Our coaches were mentioning that that when I asked this question on the podcast, they’ll say, this is beautiful for me, and I can give myself that gift if they weren’t raised that way. Or, you know, the story that was told to them was not, was not that.

 

00;50;20;24 – 00;50;41;01

Marisa Peer

So we do a narrative. It’s called the missing bit. We we have these interruptions in RTT. And the missing bit is what are the words you never heard? I was never told I was special, I never heard I was a fable. I was never told I was intelligent. So what are you waiting for? You know when you know the boy has the same needs every little boy.

 

00;50;41;04 – 00;51;04;09

Marisa Peer

He needs to go safe, loved, connected and significant. And when those needs are not met, people do two things. They give them. They go. I never find love. I never have a great job. I’m just. They kind of live a life where maybe they look. There’s way some cats and they live a life that’s uneventful because they have a belief no one’s ever going to meet my needs, or they give the need to someone, I’m going to find someone out there.

 

00;51;04;10 – 00;51;24;21

Marisa Peer

They’re going to tell me I’m amazing and great. Maybe a boss or a child or partner is going to be their job. But actually it’s your job to think, well, what did I never hear? And to start saying it, I’m lovable, I’m fun, I’m I’m interesting. I’m smart. I’m attractive. You know, don’t give that need away. And said, you don’t get it up.

 

00;51;24;21 – 00;51;40;24

Marisa Peer

It’s your job to go back and think of the missing there, the words you never had to start to say them. And of course when you do it, it’s very empowering. You know, as years ago it to the 17 year old boy and it was very unusual kid you came and he was so angry and he said, if you get this wrong, I’m going to sue you.

 

00;51;40;26 – 00;51;56;27

Marisa Peer

I’m going to take your house, which is a very strange thing. I never had a guy ever say that to me, ever. And to take your house, I went, oh, you’re a kid because angry kids, there’s always a hurt behind. And does it tell me why you hurt? And he said, nobody loves me. My parents gave me a wage.

 

00;51;56;27 – 00;52;14;21

Marisa Peer

My grandparents, they didn’t love me. No one loves me. I said, well, that’s not really true because your auntie, you paid you to see me, loves you and you can love you. I believe in you, so I’d love to give you a great dad. I mean, he was another one. His dad was 17 when he had him, and he just gave him up because he couldn’t raise him.

 

00;52;14;21 – 00;52;30;12

Marisa Peer

He wasn’t gifted. A smart, mature dad wasn’t gifted a dad. He was more immature than he was. I said to you, I’d love to give you a great dad, but I can’t. But I can give you something else. What would a great dad said to him? Someday when I don’t know whatever I said. But you do know he would.

 

00;52;30;15 – 00;52;47;15

Marisa Peer

Whatever I said, no, but you know what would a great dad take? Great dad would say how lucky I am to have you. You’re the son. Any man would be proud of that. And we carried on a bit, and he began to begrudgingly say it. And a great dad might say to him, boy, you’re so handsome. God’s going to love you.

 

00;52;47;15 – 00;53;06;17

Marisa Peer

And boy, he’s going to think you could. He loved that once he began to say it and say it and say it, I couldn’t give him a great gift in the words a great dad would say. Mom began to say these words when he came to me. He was predicted to go to jail because he was. He’d been expelled from school, he’d hit someone, and now he’s quite a famous chef.

 

00;53;06;17 – 00;53;28;24

Marisa Peer

He’s turned his whole life around because he realized that he couldn’t. His dad wasn’t going to do the job of saying the words, but he could do. He could say, I, an amazing I’m smart. I’m cool. Girls think I’m attractive. Boy. Think I’m cool. He had a scar on his face and he said, you. And I said, you know, he said, I imagine girls think that’s really sexy a boy.

 

00;53;28;26 – 00;53;47;04

Marisa Peer

Yeah, like I’ve always thought it was a flaw. I’m going to say girls love the scar. They think I’m sexy because I just been watching Poldark and he has a scar. Anyway, I never thought about that. I’ve always been ashamed of the. Not to be proud of the scar. And as it happened, his father had dropped him through a plate glass window when he was a baby, which is why he gave him away.

 

00;53;47;04 – 00;54;02;21

Marisa Peer

Because he was drunk and he realized he couldn’t care for this chance. He had this scar, but it was so interesting to get him the words and have him repeat, and then repeat them and repeat them. In the end, he paid the set session came and trained me. Did you know you turned that kid around in one session?

 

00;54;02;21 – 00;54;19;00

Marisa Peer

And now I want to learn your technique because he was such a lost cause, and now he’s full of self-belief and self-worth. Because, of course, the word self-esteem means what I think I can say. I hold you in the highest esteem, but so is. And so I think of me. And so I was giving him the word. That’s all I could give him.

 

00;54;19;00 – 00;54;37;13

Marisa Peer

You’re amazing. You know, you have a father who didn’t want you, but somebody wanted you because here you are. Yeah. You have skills. You have talent. You’re here like every seven year old boy, to find out what your gift is, become amazing at it and share it with the world. And in his case, it was becoming a chef and his age now.

 

00;54;37;13 – 00;54;58;18

Marisa Peer

And he’s got a totally different life because it one thing he didn’t give up, we’ll give it away. He began to tell himself the words he’d been waiting his whole life to hear, and then not rocket science behind that. Unbelievable. I was smart, I’m intelligent. I’ve got a gift. I have something to offer the world. That’s all we need to hear.

 

00;54;58;21 – 00;55;11;29

Marisa Peer

So I only put them into your children. That’s your job. But also put them into yourself. Don’t let anyone else tell you who you are. You tell them I’m a smart, capable, loving, wonderful person.

 

00;55;12;01 – 00;55;37;19

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah. So powerful. I wish we could just be on here for hours. This is just so empowering. I know our coaches are going to love, love hearing this. So let me ask you the question that I ask. We’ll have two more questions for you, but let me ask you the question that I ask every guest on this show, which is if you were building a coaching business or a therapy practice from the ground up and you wanted to make a giant impact, you wanted to have a healthy income.

 

00;55;37;22 – 00;55;42;25

Lauren Brollier Newton

What would you do if you were just starting from scratch? What would be your first move as you were building your business.

 

00;55;42;27 – 00;55;45;22

Marisa Peer

As a therapy teacher or as a therapist?

 

00;55;45;24 – 00;55;51;29

Lauren Brollier Newton

As a as a coach, coaching or a therapist? Coaching clients?

 

00;55;52;01 – 00;56;11;03

Marisa Peer

I would learn marketing. You know, it’s one thing to have a gift, but many coaches are empaths and they don’t understand marketing. And there’s one thing to have a gift. But if the world doesn’t know who you are, what your gift is, where are you know, we we train, we have rapid transformational therapies, and we have rapid transformational coaches, our PT and RTC.

 

00;56;11;05 – 00;56;28;12

Marisa Peer

We began to teach marketing because there you pick it up and say, know I love what I do. I don’t know how to find clients. I don’t feel comfortable selling or pitching or code or not converting. So I would say, you know, here we are, we’re going to do three things. Visit versus sit with your seven time worth it.

 

00;56;28;12 – 00;56;44;28

Marisa Peer

I deserve a great day and I deserve lots of clients. I’m worth it. I’m worth it. As you say it, you might feel tearful or angry or even scared, and that just means you actually don’t believe it’s the same. Then as you get a cousin saying, I deserve to write a bestselling book, say that’s what you’re going to say.

 

00;56;45;00 – 00;57;04;02

Marisa Peer

Your next step is, well, what does that require? Because what you require requires something of you. And writing a bestselling book requires a lot of time on your own. It’s a very solitary. I didn’t say lonely. It’s a very solitary profession, writing. And the third step is writing the book is the easy part. What have you got to do to make it sell?

 

00;57;04;04 – 00;57;26;29

Marisa Peer

You got to learn marketing and PR and all kinds of stuff. So it’s one thing to say, I’ve got a career, but, you know, mastery means how could I make you better? I did that, I thought, how can I make therapy better? You know, Lululemon didn’t invent leggings, but she certainly mastered had to sell them. Starbucks didn’t invent Martha, you know, Spanx didn’t invent shapewear, but they invent.

 

00;57;26;29 – 00;57;48;25

Marisa Peer

They mastered some is already there. So master yourself, learn how to give a talk, how to sell, how to show up on the phone and learn marketing, you know, can you tell me the motive story? Who is your customer? What do they want? And even if there’s 100 of them, what makes you stand out? What is your motive story?

 

00;57;48;25 – 00;58;10;09

Marisa Peer

Can you change someone’s life? So it’s great to be a phenomenal coach, but you look at really phenomenal coaches like Mary and Tony Robbins. They also have a message. They have a message. They have a client. And so you need to learn marketing. I think you need to learn marketing. You need to learn mastery. You need to learn mindset.

 

00;58;10;09 – 00;58;33;16

Marisa Peer

You need to learn messaging. And so if I was I do train coaches. And as a coach and therapist, I understand that it’s not enough to be amazing. Yeah. Who you are and where you are and what is your message to work on that at the same time is all your therapy skills, because there are some therapists who do really well and they’re not better than you, but they’re probably better at you.

 

00;58;33;16 – 00;58;58;18

Marisa Peer

The marketing. Yes. So unfair. But you know, we we and we’re so lucky. We live in a world of you can learn it all on YouTube. It’s all free. You can pick it up on Instagram. We’re very lucky that we have all this social media to teach you. So learn some more skills. What you require is going to require something of you, and if you require greatness, what did you see successful or to make a lot of money?

 

00;58;58;21 – 00;59;24;00

Marisa Peer

What does that require? Because you have something new, because your potential expands as you move towards that. You can’t ever know what your potential is. So it’s not so much, what would I teach? You know, we do teach coaching and we teach therapeutic coaching, but what else? You have to learn to find your clients, and you have to learn how to create the right thing and how to do it.

 

00;59;24;01 – 00;59;34;07

Marisa Peer

You know, I never say how much it cost. I say they investment it. Yeah. Talk about the cost. The fee or the investment is so much better than oh, it’s going to cost you X. Yeah.

 

00;59;34;09 – 00;59;41;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that. Thank you so much. And tell us where can our audience find you. Where can they go and find you and get connected and learn more.

 

00;59;41;10 – 01;00;03;14

Marisa Peer

So if you go to marisapeer.com you can find me there. And if you go to rtt.com you can find out about rapid Transformational therapy and rapid Transformational coaching. So go to rtt.com, marisapeer.com. We have many many free audios on money blogs, love blogs, health blog success blogs. They’re all free so take as many as you like.

 

01;00;03;17 – 01;00;09;22

Marisa Peer

We list them on YouTube. I’m everywhere. Luckily there’s anyone here so you can always find me.

 

01;00;09;25 – 01;00;18;25

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yay! Marissa, thank you so much! This was such a rich conversation, and I feel so honored that you came on the show. And just thank you for all your gifts and your work in the world.

 

01;00;18;28 – 01;00;26;16

Marisa Peer

Thank you. Well, it’s been wonderful. And your little boy sounds amazing. He’s lucky to have you because you clearly are so invested in him.

 

01;00;26;18 – 01;00;55;07

Lauren Brollier Newton

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for joining me this week on the Abundant Coach. Visit our website at Brave Thinking institute.com/coach certification where you can dive even deeper with additional resources and exciting opportunities. Be sure to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast so you’ll never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, if you loved the show, please rate and review.

 

01;00;55;09 – 01;01;09;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

To find out how to jump start your abundant coaching career and more about my journey to seven Figure Coach. Check out our free. Meant to Be a Life Coach quiz available at BTI.com slash coach quiz. I’ll see you in the next episode.