00;00;03;23 – 00;00;31;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
Welcome to the abundant coach. I’m your host, Lauren Brollier Newton. This is a weekly podcast about creating full spectrum success with a thriving coaching business, while making a profound difference in the world. Each week, you’ll discover insights, strategies, and inspiration to help you attract your ideal clients. Facilitate real transformation in their lives, and grow your coaching business while living your purpose with true freedom and fulfillment.
00;00;32;02 – 00;00;52;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
Welcome to the abundant coach Lauren Newton here. And this is going to be such an important episode because the episode title is the one size fits all success myth. And here’s the secret, folks. There is no one size fits all definition or version of success, so we’re really going to dive deep in that today. We’re going to myth bust.
00;00;52;09 – 00;01;10;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
And then I’m going to give you three questions to unleash your personal potential. That goes with what your version of success is, which is not going to look like anybody else’s version of success on this planet. This is going to be a really deep, really potent and important episode for you. So the quote I chose to start today’s episode is a Maya Angelou quote.
00;01;10;05 – 00;01;35;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
And she says, this success is loving life. And daring to live it. And we at the Brave Thinking Institute wholeheartedly agree with that definition of success. Success is loving your life and daring to live it. And the real and true thing about this myth that there is one thing that’s success, whether it’s money or fame or the title at the job that you have.
00;01;35;20 – 00;01;55;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
The truth is that success is you loving your life, and that’s going to look different for every single person on this planet. I have had the privilege in my coaching career of listening to hundreds and hundreds of people’s visions. The vision for life that they would absolutely love. And I can share with you that no two visions I’ve ever heard are the same.
00;01;55;22 – 00;02;17;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
There’s general things that people have their dream home or meeting the love of their life, or having a successful coaching business. But even those things look different to each and every person. So the most important thing, if you get nothing else from this episode, it’s that is success is ultimately you loving your life. You waking up in the morning with a passion and a purpose for your life.
00;02;17;26 – 00;02;39;26
Lauren Brollier Newton
That is success. So how do we know what our own personal definition of success is? That’s really the first thing. Success is designed for you. Success is not this thing out there that somebody else is going to tell you, and you’re going to be happy with it. So I’m going to help you with three questions that will support you in knowing your personal successes.
00;02;39;26 – 00;03;10;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
And this is really going to unleash your potential, because once you know what your personal successes, then as my Angelou says in the second part of her quote, you can dare to live it. You can go after it. You can do the things that you’re dreaming of that would feel like a personal success to you. The first question is actually a process by the amazing Gaye Hendrix, and he learned this when he was at a party that he didn’t want to be at, and he was kind of excused himself and was like in this little room that was used as the library.
00;03;10;06 – 00;03;29;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
And there was another gentleman there named Ed, and Ed supported him in knowing a question to ask that would help him with his own definition of success. So I’m going to briefly tell you the story so that you can tap into and tune into what your personal success definition would be. So he runs into this guy named Ed at this library, at this little party.
00;03;29;29 – 00;03;48;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
And, Ed said something like, so you don’t like small talk, you know, kind of laughing because they’re both hiding out from this party. And gay Hendrix says, no, I don’t like small talk. And Ed says, let’s do big talk. And then Ed says, first sentence, I had a near-death experience. And Gay Hendrix is like, cool. We are doing big Doc.
00;03;48;04 – 00;04;06;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
And he said, yeah. And it actually caused me to to learn to ask myself a question that will absolutely change anybody’s life who’s willing to ask this question. So guys, like, what was the question? And Ed said, if you died today. So I know this can seem like I know it’s like we’re in the first five minutes of the podcast and this can seem heavy, but it’s not heavy.
00;04;06;17 – 00;04;30;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
I promise you, it’s going to be such a personal release. Okay, the question is, if you die today and your head was hitting the pillow for the very last time and you had the opportunity to ask yourself the question, was your life a success? What would the answer be? Yes or no? So I want you to ask yourself that question right now.
00;04;30;03 – 00;04;39;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
Only you can know the answer to if you died today and I asked you, was your life a success? With the answer be yes, or would it be no?
00;04;40;02 – 00;04;58;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
And whatever answer you got. And by the way, I’ve heard lots of people have a yes and no answer. Yes. And this knowing that or no or just yes. So whatever the answer is, it doesn’t actually matter if it’s a yes or no or yes and no. Why that answer? That’s the more important question. Why that answer? If you answered yes, my life was a success.
00;04;58;23 – 00;05;09;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
Why was that the answer? If you answered no, my life wasn’t a success. Why was that the answer? If you said yes and no, why were those the answers?
00;05;09;25 – 00;05;29;06
Lauren Brollier Newton
Now, in Hendricks case, his answer was no, because he’d never experienced a life long love. He’d always been failed relationship after failed relationship. And for to him, he wanted to experience a lifelong love. So when he asked himself if I died today, would my life be a success? The answer would be no. So only you can know that for you.
00;05;29;08 – 00;05;49;06
Lauren Brollier Newton
Now, whether the answer is yes or no, or in between, whatever that is that you’re saying, yes or no, that right there encoded in that is part of your purpose, your soul’s desire, your destiny. If you even want to call it that. And if you answered yes, my feeling is that there’s a turn up the volume there for you.
00;05;49;06 – 00;06;16;05
Lauren Brollier Newton
If there’s a no, then there’s an assignment for you. But whatever you answered, don’t second guess yourself. That right there is what would help you to feel that feeling of success. And there’s not a one size fits all. So the first time I took myself through this exercise, I was actually during my own coach certification, and I was studying to be the highest level of certification we have here at the institute, which is called a Life Mastery Consultant.
00;06;16;07 – 00;06;42;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
And I actually was listening to a life mastery sample call that Mary had given. And Gaye Hendricks was a guest speaker, and he told that story. So I asked myself the question, if I died today, Lauren, would your life be a success? And I got the answer, like, I know. And here’s the reason why. At that time, I also knew that my part of my purpose, this life time was to have a lifelong love.
00;06;42;26 – 00;07;03;12
Lauren Brollier Newton
But I but I had it differently than Gaye, Hendricks said. It was a love for the record books. I really wanted a love for the record books. The other reason I said no is because while at that point I had started helping people, I hadn’t helped all the people that I wanted to help. Now we can see that Lauren’s version of success is a thriving in love.
00;07;03;12 – 00;07;24;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
Love for the record books relationship and helping a certain amount of people in my division. I’d love to help millions of people, so now I can know that success for me. Maybe I’m not going to get to the ultimate tomorrow, but I will feel successful tomorrow if I’m helping people. And if I’m falling in love or in love.
00;07;24;29 – 00;07;40;05
Lauren Brollier Newton
So your version of success this is can be the start of it. This is this gets down to the heart of like, what is it that really matters to you now, in Gaye Hendricks case, this doesn’t mean we aren’t going to do other things with our life. In Gaye Hendricks case, he went on to marry his wife, Kati.
00;07;40;05 – 00;07;58;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
They do have a lifelong love, and they have achieved that. And they’re growing and do it every day. But he’s also helped other people with these relationships, and he’s written tons of books, and it doesn’t mean we’re not going to do other things when the spirit moves us. But this question really helps you get down to your all to core values of what success would feel like to you.
00;07;58;25 – 00;08;20;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
So for me, it’s sharing my gifts and talents in a way that helps people. It’s having a love for the record books. And if I’m doing those two things, yeah, I have two other questions for you that will help you to know what your personal success means. We went we started on the deepest of levels to just help you uncover and really feel into why was your life a success or not?
00;08;20;00 – 00;08;42;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s going to usually come down to a certain value. Now, that doesn’t mean that that can’t change over the years. It doesn’t mean it won’t evolve. But for right now, it’s good to take a look at. The second question I have for you is if you could wave a magic wand over your life, what would you love for your life to look like?
00;08;42;12 – 00;09;07;22
Lauren Brollier Newton
Really? I’m going to be quiet for a few seconds. Don’t think that the podcast, you know, cut out. I’m really quiet for a few seconds, so you can really have some space to answer that question for yourself. If I could wave a magic wand over my life, what would I love for it to look like?
00;09;07;24 – 00;09;16;19
Lauren Brollier Newton
And now notice the images, or the feelings or the thoughts that rose up in you. When I asked that question?
00;09;16;21 – 00;09;35;26
Lauren Brollier Newton
Maybe there was a time freedom element to it. Maybe a relationship came up in your mind. Maybe speaking on a stage or a certain number in your bank account comment came up. I can’t know what that is for you. And the truth is, that’s why I love the brave thinking coaching method is that we’re transformational coaches. We don’t pretend to know what somebody else needs.
00;09;35;29 – 00;09;57;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
Nobody can know that for you. Nobody can know for you what that magic wand feeling would be like. Only you can know that. Now, as a coach, I can help you get to that result. But I can’t know what the ultimate result is for you. So when that magic wand is waved over your life, what are some of the things that you notice rose up for you?
00;09;57;12 – 00;10;23;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
And whatever that is, that’s full spectrum success. Full spectrum success means that every area of your life, every corner of an area, every area of it you’re in love with. So now for some of our coaches, that is building a coaching empire for some of our coaches there, it’s coaching the their friends and family. For some of our coaches, it’s working just a few hours a week while they work in their garden.
00;10;23;14 – 00;10;44;19
Lauren Brollier Newton
The primary amount of the time, like, I can’t know what it is for you, but just notice the feelings, the thoughts, the images that came up as I asked you if I could wave a magic wand over my life, what would I love for it to look like? Now let’s go deeper on that question with a third question.
00;10;44;21 – 00;11;03;25
Lauren Brollier Newton
What does success look like in these four areas? And I’m going to give them to you. So now you’ve got the big time lifetime gay Hendrix question. You’ve got the waving a magic wand over your current life and just noticing what rose up for you. That’s very important. And then the third question is, what does success look like in these four areas?
00;11;03;25 – 00;11;34;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
So let me give you the areas. So in the area of health and well-being. So let me break this down. This is your physical health your mental health your spiritual health. What does wellness, health and well-being look like to you? What does success look like to you? So if you were successful in the area of health and well-being, what would that look like to you?
00;11;34;18 – 00;11;55;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
And now as you’re answering these questions, I want you. Because remember, we’re myth busting here, that there’s a one size fits all when you’re answering these questions for yourself. My recommendation to you would be to really think about why you’re giving the answer you’re giving. Is it because you’re in love with that answer? Is, or is it because you’re giving someone else’s definition of that answer?
00;11;55;12 – 00;12;15;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
So, for example, let’s say I ask myself, what does success look like in the area of health and well-being? And I start saying, oh, I’d be 100 pounds and I’d be running every day and I’d be this, and I’d be that. One question I just might ask you is, would you love that? Does that really feel like your personal definition of success, or is that what you think you should want?
00;12;15;26 – 00;12;29;19
Lauren Brollier Newton
Because those are two completely different things. A good vibration is actually quite constrictive. You know, you don’t want to shut all over yourself. So what would you actually love?
00;12;29;21 – 00;12;52;29
Lauren Brollier Newton
What would success feel like if you were in love with your life? In the area of health and well-being, not what you think you should do. Oh, I should wake up at 3 a.m. and play all day because I’ve heard a million other podcasts say that. No, if that feels successfully too great, but what would success really feel like and look like if you were in love with the area of health and well-being?
00;12;53;01 – 00;13;08;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
Now many of you drive as you listen to the podcast and do other things. So just know this. If you want to come back to these questions later, you can always listen again when you can journal. If you’re sitting here journaling now, do it. Okay, so now we’re going to move on to the area. What it. Well let me think.
00;13;08;07 – 00;13;26;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
Should I tell a story about this. Yeah. Let me tell you a story about this. I don’t ever hold back so I might as well health and well-being for me of these four categories for me personally, has always been my I don’t want to say the most challenging. For me, it’s always just been the physical health part of it has been my area of least interest.
00;13;26;04 – 00;13;42;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
I’ll say that it’s not that I don’t care about it, but I’m not like, super interested in it. Doesn’t light me up. Right. And so, the spiritual wellness part of it, the emotional wellness part. Hell yeah, I’m here for that. But the physical part doesn’t really like, or it doesn’t do it for me. Okay. It doesn’t float my boat.
00;13;42;17 – 00;14;00;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
So one of the things I’ve had to do over time is let go of this idea, like, but you should care about that more. And and people say you should, but really like going up the shoulds and just asking myself, well, if I felt lit up in my physical body, are there any changes I would make? Is there anything that would feel more successful?
00;14;00;16 – 00;14;18;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
If there’s anything I would be more in love with? And so if I when I do get an answer there, it’s not an answer of like, oh, you should do this, this, this and that. It’s more of an answer of like, I want to feel really strong in my body. And so for me personally, the one thing that does light me up when I think about it is I have a horse.
00;14;18;10 – 00;14;35;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
Her name is Athena. She is the queen of this property. And, one thing that would feel really good to me, like would feel really successful to me is if I go into the little like, barn tiny little structure we have, it’s more of a horse shelter, got a little closet in it, and I pull out her saddle.
00;14;36;00 – 00;14;54;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
Then I just lift that saddle on to her with ease. Like it’s not like, grunting, trying to. I’m carrying the saddle and I just throw it on her and it feels easy. That would feel really good to me. So you can see that there’s a part of me that wants to should myself. It’s like, you should care about this.
00;14;54;02 – 00;15;12;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
And that never feels good. That just feels constrictive. So it’s like, okay, if you were even more in love with that, if you did feel success in this area, if you did feel open and and filled up in this area, you did feel a sense of being in love with your life. In the area of physical health, what would that be?
00;15;12;15 – 00;15;41;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
Only you can know that for you. Because remember, success is designed for you. That’s what unleashes your potential. Because now, once I’m aligned with that, I can take actions that feel good to me, that align with the result of the saddle just being easy. Okay, so now in this idea of what does success in this for in these four areas look like to you, let’s go to the area of love and relationships.
00;15;41;12 – 00;15;55;27
Lauren Brollier Newton
If you looked over your life and you said, yeah, my love and relationships are a total success, another way of saying that is I’m absolutely in love with that area of my life. What would that look like?
00;15;55;29 – 00;16;10;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
Go ahead and I’ll just be quiet for a few moments here and like, let the images of what being absolutely in love with the area of love and relationships would be for you.
00;16;10;23 – 00;16;38;06
Lauren Brollier Newton
And you likely saw some images. Something came to your mind. An idea of thought. So now you’re getting to know in that area if I was in love with my life, that is success for you. Remember, success, as in Maya Angelou’s definition, is loving your life and daring to live it. So what is that for you? All right, now again, this is not what you should want or someone else said for you, or what the other person in the relationship wants.
00;16;38;06 – 00;16;59;23
Lauren Brollier Newton
This is what you would love. The third category in this question what is success and these four areas look like to you? What would you love in the area of vocation? So vocation is your work in the world. It’s the sharing of your gifts and talents, whether you make money doing it or not. Vocation comes from the word valkyrie, which means to call.
00;16;59;23 – 00;17;25;07
Lauren Brollier Newton
It’s your calling. So the importance of moving away from the money, we can do that in time and money. Freedom. But, let go of the how and just where and how would you love to share your gifts and talents? What would feel good to you? What would success look like in that area if you were absolutely in love with your vocation?
00;17;25;10 – 00;17;47;28
Lauren Brollier Newton
Now, if you don’t know what that is, sometimes you’re in a discovery phase about vocation or in any of these areas you can just say, this is for comes right out of the playbook of our master coach, Kirsten Wells. And I’m paraphrasing this, these are not exactly Kirsten’s words, but something similar to this. So I hop out of bed in the morning feeling so good about the way that I’m sharing my gifts and talents with the world.
00;17;48;04 – 00;18;09;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
I share my gifts and talents with the world in a way that feels really good to me, and I’m generously compensated for it. So if you don’t have a very specific detail of what you love in your vocation, focus on more like what you’d love to feel around them. But if you were fully feeling in love with your life, what would your vocation where you could use the word career look like?
00;18;09;22 – 00;18;16;02
Lauren Brollier Newton
Feel like?
00;18;16;04 – 00;18;37;08
Lauren Brollier Newton
And finally, in the area of time and money, freedom so you can think about time and money freedom. Like I have the full, dominion over my time in a way that feels really good to me. I have the time to do what I would love to do. And the money freedom parties. And I have the money, a plenty of money to be able to do that.
00;18;37;11 – 00;18;54;01
Lauren Brollier Newton
So if you think of the category of time and money, freedom, the Freedom Quadrant, what would you absolutely be in, in love with, in your life in terms of time and money?
00;18;54;03 – 00;19;01;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
I really feel that. See the images that are rising for you.
00;19;01;06 – 00;19;20;16
Lauren Brollier Newton
And it’s very important as you go through all of these questions that I brought to you today, that you let go of the how is any how would any of this happen? Forget about that, forget about it for a second and just let yourself feel the what. Because until you know the what, the how doesn’t really matter. Get in love with the what any the how tries to rise up.
00;19;20;16 – 00;19;32;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
Say no. I’ve got an appointment with you later and let yourself really feel the what would success feel like to me if I was in love with all these areas of my life? What would that look like?
00;19;32;15 – 00;19;50;14
Lauren Brollier Newton
And the power in this is that now you can start designing your life in alignment with what success feels like to you, what full spectrum success would be like in your life? It’s not gonna look the same as mine. It’s not going to look the same as anybody that you know, because this is your life and your soul.
00;19;50;14 – 00;20;10;22
Lauren Brollier Newton
Blueprint is as unique as your thumbprint. There’s only one of you the whole history of this planet. And in the whole future, there’s only one you. And only you can know what success feels like to you. And once you know what your personal version of success looks like, don’t try to fit it into what you’re doing right now, or what someone else wants from you, or what your calendar looks like today.
00;20;10;22 – 00;20;30;22
Lauren Brollier Newton
This is magic wand stuff. It’s very important that you don’t vision this based on what you’re doing right now. That is like you can just expect certain death from from that kind. This is magic wand stuff. So what I’m inviting you to do with this podcast episode is this is one you might have been, you know, driving in the car doing something else.
00;20;30;22 – 00;21;03;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
But if this episode really called to you, an action step you could take is that you could play this episode again while you’re journaling, while you’re really letting yourself have the full experience of these questions. And I’m asking you. And another important thing to note is that you don’t have to go any of this alone. Here at Brave Thinking Institute, we have literally probably dozens of programs, dozens of support structures, dozens of coaching opportunities that can support you in not only knowing sort of about this, but really doing it.
00;21;03;07 – 00;21;22;18
Lauren Brollier Newton
And you can click show Links down here and we can help you get started in anything that you would love. If you feel like you know what, I’ve listened to this. I’m totally resonant with it. I also know that I’m going to need some support and that’s the smartest, the smartest thought, because I know that I had done, you know, in 2013 was really the start of my personal development journey.
00;21;22;18 – 00;21;43;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
I was, doing a network marketing company as a side gig. I really loved it. Still love the company to this day. But I couldn’t get myself to become successful. And I was listening to the personal development, and I was reading the books and they all stayed on my shelf. In other words, I read the books, but it didn’t actually create a lot of change in my life.
00;21;43;20 – 00;22;09;13
Lauren Brollier Newton
Inchworm growth. Like, I could see myself changing by inch, but I wasn’t having the massive transformation that I was dreaming of. And it wasn’t until five years later, when I met Mary Morrissey in 2018, that I actually had the experience of personal development working in my life. And part of the reason why is I believe I was resonant, deeply resonant with Mary in a way that I hadn’t been with any other mentor up until that point.
00;22;09;15 – 00;22;32;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
But I was also had grown a root system with those five years I did leading up to that. And when I met her, you know, in The Student Is Ready, the teacher peers, I knew that she was the one that could help me, but I’m going to just be completely transparent. And part of the reason why the previous five years didn’t work for me is I was never willing to really invest, so I’d invest 5 or $10 in a book, but I wouldn’t invest in programs.
00;22;32;10 – 00;22;49;25
Lauren Brollier Newton
I wouldn’t invest in this because I was scared they weren’t going to work for me. But it wasn’t until I had skin in the game and I invested truly in my own personal development. And I made my first investment, which was my coach certification, which I believe is the best personal development in the world, that I actually started to see.
00;22;49;25 – 00;23;05;24
Lauren Brollier Newton
Things change and there’s I think a couple reason for that. One, like I said, I had skin in the game I was invested in. I wasn’t going to invest in something. And I’m talking a sizable investment, not just like, you know, 100 bucks here or there and not get the benefit of it. So the skin in the game is one thing, but the second thing is structure, energy, love.
00;23;05;24 – 00;23;23;20
Lauren Brollier Newton
Structure requires structure move effectively and efficiently. And when you’re just reading a book here and there and left to your own devices, studies and research has shown that 90% of people, 90% of the time, will read a book and it’ll sit on their shelf, attend a webinar, or sit on their shelf, listen to a podcast, shove their notes in a drawer.
00;23;23;27 – 00;23;41;10
Lauren Brollier Newton
Not because we’re not good people, not because we don’t want change, but because human design means that we gravitate to the pull of the familiar. So when you’re not doing something structured to change your life, more than 90% of the time, you’ll go back to the same habits in a week or two. That’s why New Year’s resolutions fail.
00;23;41;10 – 00;24;06;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
That’s why diet programs often fail. Not because the the the thing itself, the tool itself doesn’t work. It’s getting yourself to do the tool. And so I believe that the reason I had such a fast growth trajectory in 2018 and onward is because I had the perfect mentor, Mary, and then I had skin in the game. My investment, and I also had structure to my programs that I was taking with Mary.
00;24;06;06 – 00;24;27;00
Lauren Brollier Newton
So if you’re feeling resonant with this podcast, resonant with this work, resonant, resonant with me, there are mentorship opportunities with me at the Institute that I would love to support. You. We would all love to support you in having that moment for yourself. If the teacher has appeared, we feel resonant with you and the investment. There’s a willingness to make an investment that could be.
00;24;27;00 – 00;24;51;04
Lauren Brollier Newton
We have programs literally from $20 to, you know, $50,000, depending on what kind of work you want to do. But there’s a spectrum and we can help you. So the mentor, the skin in the game and then finally the structure. It’s not going to happen without structure. So I’m just sharing this with you because this is an episode that I’ve recorded that’s going to cause you to have to do some things.
00;24;51;06 – 00;25;06;09
Lauren Brollier Newton
And I know that that’s much easier with support. I love you very much. Take these questions. Run with that. Maya Angelou said, success is loving your life and daring to live it. I’d love to hear what you discovered and I’ll see you in the next episode.
00;25;06;11 – 00;25;37;17
Lauren Brollier Newton
Thanks for joining me this week on The Abundant Coach. Visit our website at Brave Thinking institute.com/coach certification, where you can dive even deeper with additional resources and exciting opportunities. Be sure to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast so you’ll never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, if you loved the show, please rate and review to find out how to jump start your abundant coaching career and more about my journey to seven figure coach, check out our free.
00;25;37;17 – 00;25;45;03
Lauren Brollier Newton
Meant to Be a Life Coach quiz available at bty.com/coach quiz. I’ll see you in the next episode.
