00;00;03;23 – 00;00;32;19

Lauren Brollier Newton

Welcome to the abundant coach. I’m your host, Lauren Brollier Newton. This is a weekly podcast about creating full spectrum success with a thriving coaching business, while making a profound difference in the world. Each week, you’ll discover insights, strategies, and inspiration to help you attract your ideal clients. Facilitate real transformation in their lives, and grow your coaching business while living your purpose with true freedom and fulfillment.

 

00;00;32;21 – 00;00;55;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

All right, well, welcome back to the Abundance Coach. And boy, do I have such a good one for you today because I have the privilege of interviewing Teresa Garvin. Teresa, a little background on her. She spent 35 years as a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, so she worked in a variety of settings. She had her own private practice, and she worked with teens, adults, families, all sorts of things.

 

00;00;55;20 – 00;01;31;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

And then in 2018, she had, I guess you could call a reckoning a soul reckoning, where she realized that there was something more for her seeking to emerge and that’s when she became a coach and she founded her company, The Life You Imagine. Part of the reason why I wanted to interview Teresa is because Teresa has created what I believe to be a groundbreaking model to help families in a coaching modality, where she has a program called Thriving Families, where she helps families of any make up, any background, and all sorts of diverse families in actually creating a thriving family that they can say, I love my family.

 

00;01;31;18 – 00;01;52;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love the conversations we’re having, I love the way we’re growing together, and we’re going to get deep into this ground breaking modality that she’s created, how she created it, who it serves. And I think it can really help all of you coaches out there who have something on your heart that you’re passionate about. Maybe you have a certification, you want to get certified, and you’re wondering, can I take my passion and make it fit with this?

 

00;01;52;18 – 00;01;58;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

So it is such a privilege, such an honor to welcome the amazing Teresa Garvin. Welcome, Brisa.

 

00;01;58;18 – 00;02;15;03

Theresa Garvin

Thank you so much. Lauren is such an honor and a privilege to be here. I’m so excited. As you know, I’m a big fan of yours of the Brave Thinking Institute where I’ve been for a long time. And of this podcast, of which I’ve been delighted hearing so many of the wonderful ones you’ve done. So thank.

 

00;02;15;03 – 00;02;47;15

Lauren Brollier Newton

You. Thank you Teresa. So I actually want to go back to the beginning of your coaching career because you had a wonderful 30 plus year career in counseling and therapy and licensed clinical social work. So tell me about those moments when you were hearing about this coaching thing and thinking, maybe I can do that. I know a lot of people who listen to this podcast are either in a full time career and want to leave it for coaching, or haven’t even really approached coaching yet because they’re too scared to leave their career.

 

00;02;47;15 – 00;02;50;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

So we listen to your world at that time.

 

00;02;50;10 – 00;03;09;06

Theresa Garvin

Well, thank you so much for that question. Yes, it was in 2018. And, I didn’t have any idea that I wanted to be a coach at that time. All I knew is I found myself scrolling for transformational leaders. So John asks if I took his brain gym one Saturday and I looked at a few others less brown.

 

00;03;09;06 – 00;03;38;14

Theresa Garvin

And then I came upon Mary Morrissey was actually on his show one weekend, and I was really, taken by what she had to say. I could tell she had a spirituality component that was very much a part of her and of her programs, and that really drew me in. So it started with me just signing up to do Dream Builder on my own, and I was absolutely blown away at the results that I could see in myself, in every area of my life in that 12 week program.

 

00;03;38;14 – 00;03;59;09

Theresa Garvin

So I did it again, and I probably did it three times. And then when the invitation came for a Dream Builder Live in 2019, in Dallas, I that that I realized it was the first time I had ever left, like flown anywhere in over 20 years without my family. I’d never flown anywhere without them. So I came home one day.

 

00;03;59;09 – 00;04;27;11

Theresa Garvin

I said to them, I’m going. It’s my birthday weekend, going to Dallas for four days. And I was totally psyched. No fear at all. At the best weekend you were actually on stage that year, and, I was really, really taken by your story. I loved every minute. I couldn’t believe the changes you made. And, it was in the last hour of the last day of that workshop, and I had been doing Time Machine, you know, where we tell everybody our vision.

 

00;04;27;14 – 00;04;47;02

Theresa Garvin

And that whole weekend when I got to every quadrant, I would talk about my vision. And when it came to vacation, every single person, I would say, I’m so happy and grateful that I love my vocation. I’m a teacher at Boston College, I’m a psychotherapist, and I make good money. My practice is always full. I love my clients.

 

00;04;47;07 – 00;04;56;05

Theresa Garvin

So there’s I just want to keep growing that way. You know, that would be very smug and content and happy to have, like, one quadrant all taken care of.

 

00;04;56;07 – 00;05;20;10

Lauren Brollier Newton

Let me let me make sure I’m hearing you, your your goal. So this is funny. I love the story. So, so the activity for those of you who’ve never heard of this activity is you stand up and it’s you pretend that it’s three years from now and it’s all worked out, and you go over your health results and your money results and your relationship results and your career results, and you get to career and you basically don’t say a vision.

 

00;05;20;10 – 00;05;23;15

Lauren Brollier Newton

You say how it is right now and that it just is great.

 

00;05;23;17 – 00;05;44;21

Theresa Garvin

Maybe I’m making more money. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, but that’s about it. Maybe I teach another class. Yeah, yeah, I was all set. So you have to really picture this isn’t true story. It’s the last hour of the last day. And they had been announcing, you know, for coaching certification. And I would just smile and be like, oh, that’s clearly not going to be me this weekend.

 

00;05;44;24 – 00;06;01;17

Theresa Garvin

And so I was getting ready. I was thinking about when I leave for the airport and all of a sudden they said, last call for coaches. And this little voice inside just said, go. And I was so shocked that I remember looking around the room and I thought you said that was I didn’t think it was me at all.

 

00;06;01;25 – 00;06;18;22

Theresa Garvin

And then it just quietly again, I heard go and then the third time it said, go, you know, you want this. And when I heard go, you know, you want this, I, I didn’t even like I just jumped out of my chair, literally ran down the hall, handed Jennifer Jimenez or whoever was behind the table. I think it was Jennifer.

 

00;06;18;22 – 00;06;42;21

Theresa Garvin

I just handed my card over without even thinking about it, and I said, sign me up for the coach certification program. It was like, so invaded and like, nervous. And a part of me said that little part said, did you just do something real impulsive that you’re going to regret? And it’s going to be an expensive one, but the other part of me was so excited and felt so empowered.

 

00;06;42;24 – 00;06;51;11

Theresa Garvin

Then I thought, well, it’s a good thing I have a long plane ride home because I want to really take this in and figure out, what did I just do?

 

00;06;51;14 – 00;07;09;13

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that, so I mean, I, I fully believe what Mary says when she says spirit speaks to us in ways that will understand. And in that moment, you just heard what you need to hear. And it’s interesting. So now, you know, we like to say, like Steve Jobs originally said it, you know, you can connect the dots looking backwards, hard to connect.

 

00;07;09;13 – 00;07;20;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

I’m looking forward to now when you look back, can you see that there was a longing in your vocation that you were shutting down? Like what caused you to say everything’s fine, maybe just a little bit better in this quadrant?

 

00;07;20;20 – 00;07;48;26

Theresa Garvin

Absolutely, absolutely. Lauren. And I think that when I mean, that’s why I first did The Dream Builder by myself, because there was every area of my life, including vocation. But sometimes it just the level of awareness. It just wasn’t there yet that until I signed up. And then when I could feel my excitement on the plane ride home, I thought about how cool I’m going to do coaching on the side, and then I’m going to see, you know, how it goes.

 

00;07;48;26 – 00;08;10;09

Theresa Garvin

And that’s exactly what happened. So it evolved that in I was certified in September of 2020, and that’s what I did for all of 20 2120, the end of 2020 and all of 2021. I did coaching on the side. I followed John Boggs advice from the Brave Thinking Institute, and I, and Kirsten Wells told me this as well.

 

00;08;10;09 – 00;08;39;26

Theresa Garvin

They said, you know, try to build up enough coaching clients that it equals almost half your income. And then then you’ll know that it’s safe for you to plan to, to forge ahead, to close out. Now you have to remember in 2021, 2022 was a pandemic. Yes. So when I thought about closing out my private practice to open up a full time coaching practice, I was scared to death.

 

00;08;39;29 – 00;09;03;00

Theresa Garvin

I got negative feedback from every single person I told. They thought I was crazy. They said there’s a shortage of therapists, there’s a high increase in mental health issues. How on earth are you going to transfer or close out 40 people and start a new business? Like you’re crazy. And so I took a whole year. That was I was very focused on doing it with integrity.

 

00;09;03;03 – 00;09;23;21

Theresa Garvin

Yeah. And make sure that it wasn’t just like, oh, I want to do coaching. So I’m, I’m not going to see you anymore. Yeah. I took a whole year of really transitioning people out. And I will tell you this, this is one of my happiest things to report when people know that the end is coming in terms of their relationship with you, when the work, they really do have the ability to get better, faster.

 

00;09;23;21 – 00;09;47;09

Theresa Garvin

That’s what I saw. A lot of people wanted to complete their treatment and or they got really clear on what they want next. You know, because we get comfortable with therapy and we can stay there for years and years and years sometimes, which a lot of my clients did. And that warmed my heart. But it also made me wonder, is this really the most they could be getting, of help and support, right?

 

00;09;47;11 – 00;10;08;21

Lauren Brollier Newton

I had the privilege of knowing you during that time. Teresa and I think the thing that was most admirable is that there were things that you could have done faster and with less intensity or whatever you want to call it, but you left every single patient that you were serving feeling like they mattered and caring for them and making sure they got the the best.

 

00;10;08;23 – 00;10;27;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

And you’re right, you know, like some people got better faster or some people at least knew, oh, I think this is my next step. And how powerful, how powerful you. One of the, concepts that we talk about a lot is there is no private good. Right? So it couldn’t be bad for Teresa and good for the clients or bad for the clients and good for Teresa.

 

00;10;27;04 – 00;10;33;25

Lauren Brollier Newton

And I think you saw that come true and that, oh, there was some good in it for them as well.

 

00;10;33;27 – 00;10;59;05

Theresa Garvin

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And so by the time it actually finished, which was the end of 2022, I felt really good. I felt like everybody was in a good place in it. It went smoothly over time. And then in 2023, in January, I opened up the life you imagine. I’ve had 3 or 4 years. I’ve taken people through Dream Builder individually and in groups, taking people through life mastery.

 

00;10;59;07 – 00;11;20;20

Theresa Garvin

And then I created The Life You Imagine, and I took people through, one year, one on one of that, as well as in masterclass. And it was in that time of doing the life you Imagine that I started, wanting to do thriving families. So that’s how that started to evolve, I love that.

 

00;11;20;21 – 00;11;34;01

Lauren Brollier Newton

Okay, so tell me a little bit about before we go to Thriving Families, which I’m so thrilled to talk about. Tell me a little bit about the name of your business, because I just think it’s so it’s so yummy because a lot of us are like, oh, do I name my business something or do I just use my own name?

 

00;11;34;01 – 00;11;38;28

Lauren Brollier Newton

So what caused you to say, I don’t want to just do Teresa Garvin coaching. I want to have this name.

 

00;11;39;00 – 00;11;57;09

Theresa Garvin

Yes. So as you know, I live in my work in Concord, Massachusetts. I’m a big fan of Soro and Emerson as well as some of the other transcendentalists. But, I love the quote, and I’ll show you what I have in my office. This one. I’m really happy I got it at Walden Pond maybe eight weeks ago.

 

00;11;57;13 – 00;12;16;22

Theresa Garvin

That’s beautiful. So this is a wooden case of his. And so this is where I got the name, his quote of. I learned this, at least from my experiment, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

 

00;12;16;24 – 00;12;31;12

Theresa Garvin

So from this quote I took the life you imagine, because I thought he did such a beautiful job describing it in that quote. And that quote, is kind of what inspired me to want to open up my business.

 

00;12;31;12 – 00;12;44;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

So I love that. I love that so much. And by the way, Theresa, you gave me a mug with your business on it, and it has the, Thoreau quote on it. And I drink out of that like 3 or 4 mornings come.

 

00;12;44;14 – 00;12;45;25

Theresa Garvin

Thank you.

 

00;12;45;27 – 00;13;02;23

Lauren Brollier Newton

Okay, so let’s talk about thriving families. So I would love for you, if you’re willing, Teresa, to talk a little bit about in all of your experience, both as a licensed clinical social worker, as a coach, what are some of the things that cause families not to thrive?

 

00;13;02;26 – 00;13;36;24

Theresa Garvin

Okay, that’s a great question. It could be anything from, there’s marital conflict or divorce. There’s financial or economic stressors in the family. Sometimes there is an untreated, an unidentified diagnosis, of the parents and, or of the kids, or even if there is an identified diagnosis, that diagnosis is really difficult for the parents to know how to manage, like a learning disability or ADHD or anxiety or bipolar disorder or something.

 

00;13;36;26 – 00;14;16;03

Theresa Garvin

So any kind of childhood disorders or learning disabilities really adds to it. Any kind of catastrophic event that happens, like, you know, the fires and the floods and the earthquakes as well as a parent dying, a pet dying can cause a lot of grief. And I think the stressors I know for me, this was definitely me trying to balance the homeschool, the home work, you know, being there, wanting to be supermom and wanting to be, you know, wanting or having to really work full time.

 

00;14;16;05 – 00;14;22;10

Theresa Garvin

That to me, those are some of the biggest stressors that families, many, many families face.

 

00;14;22;13 – 00;14;25;17

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes, yes. So tell me about so you did a.

 

00;14;25;17 – 00;14;26;02

Theresa Garvin

Lot of.

 

00;14;26;02 – 00;14;45;04

Lauren Brollier Newton

Work over there, over your career with families, and then you become a coach. And here comes this idea for thriving families. So tell me a little bit about what is thriving families and why was I knowing you so well, Teresa, when you talked about thriving families from the beginning to now, you just light up like a Christmas tree.

 

00;14;45;04 – 00;14;53;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

You’re just like, I love, you know? So tell me, tell me about how that idea started to come to you and how you formed it and what it is.

 

00;14;53;07 – 00;15;28;24

Theresa Garvin

Okay. Well, I, I did recognize early on, and this is probably what led me to searching for something different in 2018 that I was not happy with, kind of 35 years of the mental health system in treating kids and that’s because in our country, kids are often identified as a problem kids or teenagers. And so I would do my very best to try to engage parents because I know full well that no matter if the kid’s got a learning disability or ADHD, it affects the family and everything going on in the family affects the child.

 

00;15;28;26 – 00;15;51;04

Theresa Garvin

It’s very much, it’s all everybody’s involved. And so, I often would feel frustrated that the kids would get the label and the target and be identified and that depending on how how amenable the parents were to therapy, I may or may not have access to them, and they may be willing to pay the bill and bring the kid.

 

00;15;51;04 – 00;16;19;27

Theresa Garvin

But they often would say, I don’t have time or I’m not interested in that. Or maybe you can see me after you’re done treating my kid. And so it was actually during the pandemic when I was doing my little side dream builder coaching and my business, and this is before I knew I was going to right before I knew I was going to close out, I had a school that was sending me, begging me to take these two families in, and I said, all right, I’m going to tell both families I’m trying out this new model.

 

00;16;19;27 – 00;16;38;24

Theresa Garvin

If they’re willing to do this my way, then I will see them and see about seeing their kid. And one family agreed. And then after a few sessions that they didn’t want it because they just wanted me to see their kid. So I said, okay, I’m glad we figured it out early on. And the other family said, we’re uncomfortable, but we’ll do it.

 

00;16;38;26 – 00;17;07;03

Theresa Garvin

So and there. And they they had a solution in a really dire situation with their son, who is 18. And they had great results. And just like 4 or 5 months. And so that gave me great hope. Now fast forward to the following year when I started doing more of the coaching from Dream Builder, and some coaches might have heard my story about Maureen from Jamaica.

 

00;17;07;05 – 00;17;29;20

Theresa Garvin

And so she was one of my first dream builder clients. And because it was the pandemic and she ran a travel place in Jamaica, they were totally destroyed because of the pandemic. And without telling me the whole story, the part that I want to highlight here is she had lost her business. Her husband was ill. She was estranged from two of her three adult sons.

 

00;17;29;22 – 00;17;48;10

Theresa Garvin

She had a two year old grandson she had never met, and she said she was depressed and broke and had just no idea where to turn. So she had just gotten certified to become a coach herself because she just thought it would help her. And she just saw me on Facebook and decided to schedule a talk with me halfway through the program.

 

00;17;48;10 – 00;18;12;03

Theresa Garvin

When we got to the forgiveness part, that’s where she did a tremendous amount of work with her husband, and in no time, she released and let go of some of the old, fights from before with her sons. And, she just let it go. She went deep into acceptance and forgiveness and she that to me. Then I hope to God you work with families, Theresa.

 

00;18;12;03 – 00;18;35;01

Theresa Garvin

Because out of all the things I got out of the program and I got a lot, she got her. Her job is up and running. She made more money than ever and went on and on. But she said that was the most valuable thing of all, because I now have Sunday dinners with my grandson every week, and the fact that my family is all together again is a gift that I can’t imagine how it would have happened otherwise.

 

00;18;35;03 – 00;19;08;19

Theresa Garvin

So that also gave me great hope. And then lastly, my own struggle. You know the why for me has a lot to do with growing up with a family that certainly was not thriving, at least in my definition of the word. I never felt like I was, or that they were. But somehow I still thought that if I had a degree that involved psychology and childhood development, I thought I could still be like, Julie Andrews, you know, and singing, taking the kids lunches.

 

00;19;08;21 – 00;19;36;17

Theresa Garvin

And instead I turned out like James Moody telling them to write The Mother I thought I was going to be. And, and we had our own fair share. My husband and I, of, really stressful events that happened that we were not prepared for. We didn’t have family members around to support us, and our own traumatic reactions to things just led to so much strife and stress in our own family.

 

00;19;36;19 – 00;20;03;26

Theresa Garvin

And I felt like, you know, I took my kids for help, we went for help. And even all the therapy we went for didn’t really help us thrive. I felt like everything was piecemeal, like some people would just focus on me, and then they’d focus on us as a couple or just one kid at a time. And even when it was like trying to meet with the whole family, I felt like they got overwhelmed because we’re all, what did they say?

 

00;20;03;26 – 00;20;35;26

Theresa Garvin

Big personalities. What you’re like, you know, we were not the easiest family. And, but I kept thinking there has to be a way to support families and especially parents, because they’re the ones driving the bus. Right? So if if the parents are drowning, like I was for a long time, they’re they’re not going to put forward the kind of parent that they probably imagined they would be or want to be us.

 

00;20;35;28 – 00;20;37;14

Theresa Garvin

And that was my story.

 

00;20;37;16 – 00;20;58;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

I resonate a lot with what you’re saying, Theresa, because in my years, I spent, seven, almost eight years in public education. And I always felt this. How would you say it? Like a hurt that so much of what the kids were struggling with was things that were completely beyond their control because of what was going on at home.

 

00;20;58;08 – 00;21;17;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

And yet they were being told, like, you got to pass this test score, you got to do this, you got to do that. And I’m like, oh my gosh, this is so not what these kids need. Yes. And so and then of course, if the parents not willing to participate, well, you know, there’s only so much you can do in the walls of either your therapy room or the classroom or wherever it is.

 

00;21;17;18 – 00;21;38;20

Lauren Brollier Newton

I also feel just such a great level of compassion for all the parents out there like you, Teresa, who? Anybody that’s going to therapy and bringing their kids to therapy. They want to be better. They want change. They want happiness. They’re willing to put their money and their time toward it. If they’re in therapy and then do not have the result that you’re looking for or to feel like it’s piecemeal.

 

00;21;38;20 – 00;21;44;14

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s like I just have a deep level of compassion for how challenging that might be for those families.

 

00;21;44;17 – 00;21;50;11

Theresa Garvin

So challenging. I know I’m not alone. I know it’s hard for me. The parents tell me that they’ve looked everywhere.

 

00;21;50;12 – 00;21;54;04

Lauren Brollier Newton

So what is thriving families and how did you design it?

 

00;21;54;06 – 00;22;20;05

Theresa Garvin

Okay, so back to the Life you Imagine curriculum. I started off using what I had, right? We do what we can with what we have from where we are. So that’s what I did. I thought, that’s a six month program, the life you imagine. And so I invited in the beginning, I didn’t really clearly define my niche. I was anybody who’s struggling or feel feel like they have chaos and want to go from chaos to calm that kind of thing.

 

00;22;20;05 – 00;22;42;19

Theresa Garvin

And I would invite them and do vision workshops around, making a vision for yourself and then for your family. So that’s how it started with me working with the parents, talking about, what first, you know, do I do an assessment with them, and them and their if their kids are willing to come in, that’s a separate part of the assessment, but it’s still part of it.

 

00;22;42;21 – 00;23;08;01

Theresa Garvin

And in that assessment I’m looking for a couple things. One is I’m trying to ascertain like from their history are there are some other issues or things going on that would make this not be the right fit? Driving like coaching, might they need something else before coaching or instead of coaching? And then if that’s the case, I want to be able to recommend and refer them to the appropriate thing.

 

00;23;08;03 – 00;23;31;19

Theresa Garvin

But if it is a good fit, and they do sign on, then we start off by having each if there’s two parents, if not, I do one parent where we focus on first their vision for their own life. Right. And in doing this process I’m always looking for, I start a lot with that question about what did you imagine your family would be like?

 

00;23;31;21 – 00;23;55;16

Theresa Garvin

And then what do you have? Because usually that question, well, elicit a response that gives me some indication of some kind of a block or something that, you know, they wish were different. I never thought I used to say that with my oldest kid, like, how did I get I used to go in the grocery store when she’d be throwing stuff and screaming to buy sweets, and I, the people would walk by and I’d say, I’m a social worker.

 

00;23;55;21 – 00;24;21;04

Theresa Garvin

I’m really nice. Like, because I was, I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that how could I have this kid who’s so out of control when I’m a social worker and I’m a nurse person? Right. So when you were interviewing Richard Brooks, Liz Brooks is that is. Yes. Okay. Thank you. I paid attention to something he said that I yelled out loud when he said it.

 

00;24;21;04 – 00;24;36;28

Theresa Garvin

I totally agree with you. He said parents are usually one of two ways when they go to have kids. Either you’re going to do everything just like your parents did, or you’re going to do the opposite because you think your parents screwed you up so badly, like everything. And my kids, and so I found that to be true.

 

00;24;36;28 – 00;25;12;02

Theresa Garvin

And so what I want to say is that in the assessment process, that’s the other thing I’m looking for, is like, what is the thing you brought with you here with raising kids that you’re determined to have be a certain way? They will respect me. They won’t do this. My kids will be like this. Because it is in that process that we, I think, unknowingly reject all kinds of things sometimes before the kids are even born or are talking into how we expect our kids to be.

 

00;25;12;05 – 00;25;38;09

Theresa Garvin

And so that can be a big block and barrier to getting to the vision of what they want their family to be like. So anyway, I start with that. And then once we, once the parents, are starting to work on their vision, I’ll also try to bring the kid or kids and if they’re willing to, and for the for the kids to, depending on their age and their developmental stage of life, their vision work would just look a little bit different.

 

00;25;38;09 – 00;25;59;07

Theresa Garvin

Like, you know, they would be talking about school as one quadrant and friends as another one and their family. And then the fourth category would be their sports, hobbies or work right activity they’re involved in. And so I’m doing the same kind of work though. You just do a vision board or some of them do it on Pinterest, but they’re just trying to come up with things together.

 

00;25;59;09 – 00;26;22;12

Theresa Garvin

So everybody’s really doing their own separate individual work before we get to the family part. And I want to say I’m very grateful that Mary did the new Dream Builder program, because after trying about a year and a half to two years of using my own curriculum solely, I felt like I was missing some of the vision work that I really wanted them to be doing.

 

00;26;22;12 – 00;26;48;01

Theresa Garvin

It wasn’t as strong or clear. And when I, went through the new Dream Builder program in November, I took myself through it in two months and, thought, this is perfect. I was so grateful because I thought, I want that first. Have them do 12 weeks of Dream builder, each person doing their own individual vision, and then once and the quadrant they’re going to pick is relationships because they’re in thriving families, right?

 

00;26;48;05 – 00;27;12;06

Theresa Garvin

Yes. And so then the last 12 weeks we can bring in the the couple, they’re ready to start working on their relationship. If there is a couple, who are parent and child, maybe in dyads or the whole family. But the last 12 weeks is really about using some of my other curriculum from the life you imagine and doing using it to the family work, mastering emotions and decisions.

 

00;27;12;06 – 00;27;26;25

Theresa Garvin

And do we do more work on paradigms in self-acceptance? A big, unit is on self-acceptance and self-compassion and, and that un, intuition.

 

00;27;26;27 – 00;27;34;22

Lauren Brollier Newton

Beautiful. So with the families that you’ve had the privilege of bringing through thriving families, what are some of the results that you’re seeing for those families?

 

00;27;34;25 – 00;27;52;02

Theresa Garvin

Thank you for asking. Great question. So they vary I want to say like I had one mother do it with me for a year. So she went through it twice and she was the only one who came in like she she said her husband was from a culture that didn’t value any mental health services or coaching at all.

 

00;27;52;04 – 00;28;15;09

Theresa Garvin

But she really wanted to work on her family vision. So she had a child with disabilities and with some really severe behavior challenges. And she, through her vision work, was able to identify that she had to give them the right kind of support, which we worked on together. And she was in a job she didn’t like. So she created a new career for herself where she worked flipping houses with her husband.

 

00;28;15;09 – 00;28;22;22

Theresa Garvin

And if you could hear her talk about the the depth and the meaning she puts into restoring homes, it would warm your heart.

 

00;28;22;26 – 00;28;23;22

Lauren Brollier Newton

No.

 

00;28;23;24 – 00;28;40;13

Theresa Garvin

And she. Yeah, she worked on her marriage, so her marriage got better. She felt like this new career plan she had was working out. Meeting the family’s needs got her closer to her husband, and also added more income for them. And so, yeah, she was a great example of that.

 

00;28;40;13 – 00;28;54;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

And I love that. Can we pause on her for a second? Because this is, what I’m hearing you say, Teresa, is that the whole family doesn’t even have to come in for the for the program to work. So tell us more about that. Like, tell me more about how that works. So why do you think it is.

 

00;28;55;03 – 00;29;04;00

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah. Just tell me more about how that works. And it’s just so encouraging to hear like, hey, your spouse doesn’t have to be supportive or the kids don’t have to be willing to talk. So like just.

 

00;29;04;02 – 00;29;28;18

Theresa Garvin

Yeah. So whoever is willing to to do the model can come in. So, going to be doing a, virtual vision workshop. No, I’m going to be doing yes in March, but also an in-person one and all day one in April. And from that vision workshop, I’m going to launch a Dream Builder masterclass with the new Dream Builder program.

 

00;29;28;20 – 00;29;51;24

Theresa Garvin

For people who might want to just get a flavor of thriving families so they’ll go through Dream Builder. But I’ll be bringing in some thriving families to it. And then they can always, you know, sign up for the other three months afterwards if they want. So that would be a great place for people who want to dip their toe in the water and do some vision work, but they’re not sure about everything else.

 

00;29;51;27 – 00;30;22;00

Theresa Garvin

But I have taken like she was a great example, that one mom who went through two series of it, I’ve also had a couple with an only child, and there was a lot of miscommunication and a lot of misunderstanding and marital strife, and they just and they had gone through a lot of trauma with losing parents. And so a lot of forgiveness and self-compassion and understanding each other and community, it got so much better for them.

 

00;30;22;02 – 00;30;40;06

Theresa Garvin

One of my first, I think this was actually my first family that I worked with, and it’s one of my favorite stories because the dad had always wanted to be a writer, but he went into software engineering. And, you know, that thing about going from good to great? Well, he was really scared to do that because he said, I like my job.

 

00;30;40;06 – 00;30;56;05

Theresa Garvin

I’m in a high position, I make really good money, and my kids are going to go to college soon. Like, I need to keep this job, but I really want to write. So when he and I were doing the individual part of his vision, it was really focused on that. And at first he said, I said, how long do you think it will take you to write?

 

00;30;56;05 – 00;31;11;09

Theresa Garvin

He was saying the first three chapters. I’d be so happy if I could write three chapters and I said, is that your three? And he said, three year vision. I said, you think it’s going to take you three years to write three chapters? It’s like. And he said, yes. I said, okay. He wrote it down, he put it down.

 

00;31;11;11 – 00;31;34;24

Theresa Garvin

And I want you to know that within a year, not only was the book written, but it was published. He mentioned to me in the book, and the part that really warmed my heart the most is that when we were at the end of our six months together, his kids had gone through some really difficult times and got the right kind of help that they needed because the parents knew what to do.

 

00;31;34;26 – 00;31;53;03

Theresa Garvin

His wife went into the career of her dreams during thriving families, and he said to me, his father suddenly took ill and died that summer. And he said the greatest gift he could ever have was to say, dad, remember how I always told you I want to be a writer? And his father said, did you write the damn thing?

 

00;31;53;03 – 00;32;03;24

Theresa Garvin

And he said, yes, I wrote the book. So he said, that was like his last, his last time of seeing his dad. And he was just so grateful that he got to do the book before his dad died.

 

00;32;03;26 – 00;32;08;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s a beautiful Teresa, I love that. So what I’m as I’m crying from that story.

 

00;32;08;21 – 00;32;09;15

Theresa Garvin

We cry too.

 

00;32;09;17 – 00;32;33;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes. So what I’m hearing you say is part of the brilliance of thriving families is that when each member of the family gets to have their dreams, gets to get to share all I’ve always wanted to do this. I’ve always wanted to do that. Maybe it would be okay for me if I, you know, insert be the person I want to be, that when everybody’s happier and listening to themselves and honoring that voice inside of them, then the whole family gets.

 

00;32;33;11 – 00;32;38;07

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s like the high tide raises all the boats. Like everybody gets better.

 

00;32;38;09 – 00;32;59;25

Theresa Garvin

Everybody gets better, is right. So even there was one, teenager in that family that was like the perfect child. Nobody could ever. He never identified having problems. Nobody ever found anything ever wrong with him. And right at the end, he ended up having, a real significant issue that was hidden for a long time. And so people said, well, that’s not thriving families.

 

00;32;59;25 – 00;33;16;01

Theresa Garvin

How is. And I said, no, it is because he was safe enough where it got out. And he they were able to rally around and get him the help you need. And they got better like way quicker than a lot of people do. So, I count that as, plus for the family too.

 

00;33;16;03 – 00;33;35;21

Lauren Brollier Newton

Any time that we have, in my opinion, any time that we have full permission to be who we are, the good, the bad, the ugly, as they say, you know, full permission. I mean, like because it had that child not have thriving families and then had some sort of a crisis, he might have tried to hide it, he might have gone.

 

00;33;35;21 – 00;33;55;04

Lauren Brollier Newton

And, you know, it’s like we don’t know. And so I think any time anybody has permission to be on their soul journey fully and ask for support like that is a giant win, because most of us spend our lives shoving down inside of us the things we think are wrong or are not good, right? Struggling with because we don’t want to look a certain way.

 

00;33;55;06 – 00;34;00;21

Lauren Brollier Newton

And so for a young man to come out and say, hey, I need some help with this, like that’s a huge achievement.

 

00;34;00;24 – 00;34;28;01

Theresa Garvin

It was a huge achievement. And the very last example I’ll give is, a family that, was blending. So the, the mother and her boyfriend were living together and they were really trying to decide whether or not to blend their families because there was just a lot of unresolved from the other divorces that, and so they, they did, thriving families and a lot of things started to change.

 

00;34;28;01 – 00;34;52;17

Theresa Garvin

But it was it just wasn’t enough time to because I was meeting with, you know, four different kids and two parents. And it was a lot of sessions, but they I created Thriving Families, Part two for people who need more than the six months. And that’s what they’re in right now. And they’re having really good results, like the things that we were concerned about from day one are getting addressed head on and their relationship is grown.

 

00;34;52;17 – 00;34;56;28

Theresa Garvin

And I think they’re getting married. Oh, yeah, that’s the big question in the beginning.

 

00;34;56;28 – 00;35;22;26

Lauren Brollier Newton

So that’s great. I mean, I think it’s just so, so empowering and inspiring to hear that, you know, the reason I think this is so groundbreaking and why I felt so important for you to have you on the podcast, is there’s a lot of personal development. I mean, you can find personal development, many different coaches. You can find all the books on my shelf for personal development, but family development in.

 

00;35;23;03 – 00;35;40;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

Not that you don’t use your years of experience as a therapist, but family development in a way that’s not so clinical, but is more like, let’s build something that we’re all in love with. That’s something I have not really heard a lot of. I mean, I think there’s very specific things that people deal with, but to have sort of this holistic.

 

00;35;40;18 – 00;35;59;10

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah, it’s very powerful. Teresa. So where is where is thriving families, headed? I mean, what I’m imagining is when you say, okay, I have I have this one family. I’m doing sessions with four kids, two grown ups. That’s a lot. So it’s one thing for thriving families going because you’re getting close to sold out on your time.

 

00;35;59;10 – 00;36;32;29

Theresa Garvin

Yeah, that’s that’s a great question. And yes, I that was part of my overall vision. My big 2 or 3 year vision from the beginning was to grow this so that I can bring in other coaches to train or eventually go into, like the Department of Children and Families, you know, who take kids away from homes and try to get them to foster homes and try to work with those families, or to go into schools and other clinics and hospitals and, train their staff to bring about some of these principles and practices, to try to help families go grow stronger.

 

00;36;32;29 – 00;36;54;02

Theresa Garvin

Because I think in our country, we just don’t have a mindset around helping families to thrive. And you know what I mean? We might give the parent parenting skills after you have a baby. There’s little pieces here and there. But when you think about it, I don’t know what job could be harder in the world than being a parent.

 

00;36;54;05 – 00;36;58;13

Theresa Garvin

But we don’t have any. We don’t have any way to get educated on it.

 

00;36;58;16 – 00;37;13;03

Lauren Brollier Newton

There’s all different opinions. And this one, as we were so funny. My husband Cameron and I, we have a young baby we were talking about, you know, how our kid sleeps really good. So we have no complaints there. He has slept eight hours a night since he was like two months old. So no complaints there.

 

00;37;13;03 – 00;37;13;23

Theresa Garvin

Lucky you.

 

00;37;13;25 – 00;37;26;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah, but then we read something that was like, okay, by six months they should be sleeping 12 hours a night. We’re like, should they? And then you look at a different site and it’s all they’ll be still waking up twice a night. Then there’s another site that says they’ll be sleeping 7 to 9 hours a night and you’re like.

 

00;37;26;09 – 00;37;30;23

Lauren Brollier Newton

And so we just look, you said we’re like, nobody actually knows. Every kid is different. Like.

 

00;37;30;25 – 00;37;47;21

Theresa Garvin

Well, that’s so true. And then where are the books for the podcast that talk about what to do when you don’t agree on what to do about sleeping, or when had a discipline, the kid, or whether or not to discipline the kid, or how many activities they should be on. Lauren, the list goes on forever.

 

00;37;47;28 – 00;38;05;23

Lauren Brollier Newton

Imagine because I have a child that doesn’t walk or talk yet and we’re like, do we do this? Do we do that? And I think the other thing that I didn’t anticipate parenting that, and I had it really easy. I mean, easy child. The kid doesn’t cry. He sleeps good, you know, like easy. And I feel blessed.

 

00;38;05;23 – 00;38;22;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

And there are still moments when it’s like you make the assumption that he’s watching the kid and he’s making the assumption that you’re watching, and then you’re irritated with each other because you’ve all got stuff you want to do. And I didn’t anticipate, like the emotions around the logistics of everything.

 

00;38;22;15 – 00;38;43;18

Theresa Garvin

Oh, it’s emotional. That’s what they don’t write. But, son, that’s what I mean. There’s not a lot out there to help us deal with all of that. You know, I remember my husband and I arguing over whose job was more important or who needed time away from, you know, everything. It’s really, really hard. And so I didn’t have any easy babies like you.

 

00;38;43;21 – 00;39;06;04

Theresa Garvin

Maybe one one was easier than the others, but we have three, and they all came with, you know, different things that made them great and wonderful and unique and also some challenges, you know, ADHD and anxiety and dyslexia. And then when our our youngest one was diagnosed at the age of one with juvenile diabetes, no one ever showed me how to raise a kid with diabetes.

 

00;39;06;04 – 00;39;32;18

Theresa Garvin

That’s for sure. Yeah. And then he got celiac. And so all of these things, I feel like in our country there is there’s just not a place to go or, any services really to support the whole family. So it wasn’t said I needed help. My neighbor came up to me after my son got diagnosed and she said, you have to know that your six year old told the whole neighborhood that your son’s dying.

 

00;39;32;20 – 00;39;47;02

Theresa Garvin

And I said, oh my gosh, why did she do that? And she said, well, when she told me to, she said, he has diabete is. So it’s in the name. I know you can laugh about it now, but it’s like that actually makes sense to me.

 

00;39;47;05 – 00;40;01;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

That doesn’t make sense. Oh yeah. I mean, I think the things that we don’t I think the biggest thing I would say is and, and you teach this and thriving families is just navigating the emotions. Everything changes. Moms got hormones, you know.

 

00;40;01;07 – 00;40;31;09

Theresa Garvin

Put your own mask on first. You got that was the one thing I was not raised that mentality. And if there’s nothing else that people get out of thriving families, I sure hope it’s that. That unless we’re happy with our own lives or feel like we’re giving ourselves permission to have some self-compassion and take care of ourselves, we’re really not going to be able to do a whole lot of good for our kids, because they’re going to get the parent that’s tired and resentful and burnt out and overwhelmed and anxious.

 

00;40;31;09 – 00;40;33;29

Theresa Garvin

So those are the people I yeah.

 

00;40;34;01 – 00;40;58;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that. That’s so brilliant. So with thriving families, you’re looking to bring in, perhaps more coaches and things like that. So how would you. I’m just curious. So the reason I’m asking this is because I know there’s a ton of coaches that are listening that are in a certification, got a certification, thinking about getting certification, which I of course think is important.

 

00;40;58;12 – 00;41;16;20

Lauren Brollier Newton

And sometimes they get in this Lone Ranger thing where they make it an either or like I’m going to either get certified and have to follow everything my certification says and all the curriculum and all the exact things, or I’m not going to get certified at all, and I’m going to try to piecemeal everything together in Lone Ranger this and figure it out.

 

00;41;16;21 – 00;41;26;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

So what advice would you give to either group, the one who’s just going to try to Lone Ranger the whole thing, or the group that thinks if I get certified, then everything has to be by the book.

 

00;41;27;00 – 00;41;48;15

Theresa Garvin

Okay, so the Lone Ranger one, I would say that’s a lonely ride and it won’t be as fun. So. So one of the things that I’ve loved about coaching, as all the great coaches I’ve met, and you actually introduced me to one of my closest coach friends who I still mastermind with all these years later, Sarah. And we’re actually doing a workshop together in person.

 

00;41;48;17 – 00;42;10;23

Theresa Garvin

And we met another coach who works with adults and corporations, and the three of us are making a whole day of helping people with ADHD and anxiety, and we’re very excited. It’s a lot more fun to not do it alone and to ask for help. We want to be able to do for ourselves as coaches what we’re trying to get our clients to do right.

 

00;42;10;23 – 00;42;29;27

Theresa Garvin

We don’t tell our clients, go so low, figure out everything on your own, what’s right. So we have to give ourselves a lot of compassion, and doing it with other people can make it a lot of fun if we network, you know? And so, from the wise words of your, from the mouth of your sister, this is the one one of the things.

 

00;42;29;27 – 00;42;50;07

Theresa Garvin

So maybe passing this on to coaches will be helpful too, is, like many coaches, I wasn’t great at, like picking up the phone and calling 20 people a day. I felt like, you know, it’s really hard to sell therapists on coaching. And I wasn’t sure where to go for networking. And Gina and all her brilliance just said to me two things.

 

00;42;50;07 – 00;43;12;21

Theresa Garvin

One, she said, why don’t you just focus on thriving families and put the other stuff aside? Because I was doing too much and that helped me a lot. But then she said, why don’t you just start talking to people about it all the time? And I’m like, oh, okay. So now, like everywhere I go, like getting my nails done, getting my hair done at the gas station, everywhere I got just start telling people what I do.

 

00;43;12;23 – 00;43;31;00

Theresa Garvin

And yeah. And so and it’s, it’s a much more fun way to do it and Yeah. So going it alone is not is not fun and it can cause burnout. I think it really I know I was trying to do it that way in the beginning. And then what was the other what was the part two that you asked.

 

00;43;31;00 – 00;43;41;15

Lauren Brollier Newton

Person who thinks if they get a certification but they have a specialty like you like wanting to work with families, that the certification won’t serve them because they have a specialty.

 

00;43;41;17 – 00;43;59;19

Theresa Garvin

No. Yes. You can do whatever you want as a coach. And the thing I just learned from another therapist turned coach is that, you don’t have to keep the niche that you start with. So I thought I was going to start with, like, just doing what I did in therapy, and then I wanted to do this big change.

 

00;43;59;21 – 00;44;25;09

Theresa Garvin

And then recently, I thought I should target my niche. Right now is going to be families that have somebody in the family with ADHD or anxiety, because I know that really well, and I know that coaching, transformational coaching is perfect for those populations because we focus on what lights them up. That’s what ADHD brains need. They in order to focus, they need to be lit up.

 

00;44;25;11 – 00;44;45;11

Theresa Garvin

Right. And those people with anxiety, when we do body work and focus on the heart and the spirit, they need a whole lot of that. So I already know that. So yes. So that’s my niche for right now, Lauren. But the reason I’m bringing that up is I’m very aware that my niche can and probably will change in the future.

 

00;44;45;13 – 00;44;55;10

Theresa Garvin

And I also include a lot of other people. It doesn’t have to just be those folks. So that was what I want to pass on to other coaches. Your niche can change whenever you want it to. You don’t have to like lock into it.

 

00;44;55;16 – 00;45;07;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s so true. When I started, I was, you know, marketers always tell you you can’t market to everyone. And I being the rebel type personality I am, it’s like I’m marketing to everyone. I don’t care what you say.

 

00;45;07;14 – 00;45;09;17

Theresa Garvin

And you did it very well.

 

00;45;09;19 – 00;45;29;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

And and it wasn’t that I marketed to everyone, but I did feel like I’m just going to go out and talk to people similar. And anybody that wants something different like can have it. And then, you know, my good friend and mentor Matt Boggs told me that is a niche because the person has to want something more. And I’m like, oh, thank you for, you know, taking away all the anxiety about it.

 

00;45;29;13 – 00;45;56;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

And marketers are telling me I have to have a niche. And, and the great news is, I discovered over time that by just going a little bit more general in the beginning and anybody that wanted more, I was happy to coach them, is that I found a niche and it found me, which was to attract professional women who wanted to create something more in their professional lives and strangely enough, were not particularly spiritual as a whole.

 

00;45;56;10 – 00;46;07;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

So were. But most of my clients were not particularly spiritual. But they would come to my company and they would be like, I feel like in a strange way, like I found God or something.

 

00;46;07;11 – 00;46;07;29

Theresa Garvin

Where.

 

00;46;08;02 – 00;46;30;00

Lauren Brollier Newton

They realized, oh, I actually am spiritual. But what I thought was spiritual or religious. They had a story made up about that, and people like, oh, I’ve always actually been spiritual. So it’s just interesting that, yeah, I think this is great advice, Teresa. What you’re saying is like, you don’t have to lock in on something. You can change it, but it’ll you’ll like you got to take another step before the next step reveal stuff.

 

00;46;30;01 – 00;46;50;05

Theresa Garvin

Yeah. Yes. And you got to have a why. You know the why. Go back to your why. Why, you know, why did you pick coaching or if you’re going to pick a specific kind of coaching, just know what your why is. And I thought I knew what my why was in the beginning. I thought it was really just because of the discontent around the therapy, but it really it was way more than that.

 

00;46;50;05 – 00;47;06;15

Theresa Garvin

And the deeper I went to my why, the more I realized it comes back from being a little kid and how I was raised and not growing up in a thriving family, and what that cost me, and then realizing that I don’t know how to create a thriving family if I didn’t come for one, how can I create one?

 

00;47;06;18 – 00;47;10;12

Theresa Garvin

You know? So I stopped beating myself up for not knowing something I never got.

 

00;47;10;15 – 00;47;27;22

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah. Oh my gosh, Teresa, this is like I feel so good at, like, hearing you say this. And I know how many people feel the same way and that it’s hard to even at times write a vision even if you don’t have a model. And so it’s like I remember when I was and this is a relationship thing.

 

00;47;27;22 – 00;47;47;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

So I think this is very thriving. Families ask I got divorced, of course, not a great first marriage. And then when I was asked to write a vision for my relationship, I did the best I could. But there was a part of me that was like, I’ve never witnessed a loving relationship. I didn’t grow up in a super like, deep, loving my parents.

 

00;47;47;02 – 00;48;06;26

Lauren Brollier Newton

I mean, they’re still together to this day, but they weren’t like, communicative or particularly affectionate. And I’m like, what my if I’ve never seen that my parents I’ve never seen it in my friends, I’ve may be seen in the movies, but I know that’s made up. So how do I, I couldn’t even in some ways imagine what being loved in a normal, healthy way would even look like.

 

00;48;06;29 – 00;48;23;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

I was just guessing when I wrote that first vision, so I like the idea of permission for all of us in relationships and families to give ourselves some grace if we don’t know. Yes, and I love your mission that you can help people discover it. I think that’s brilliant.

 

00;48;23;11 – 00;48;25;18

Theresa Garvin

So let me ask you this.

 

00;48;25;21 – 00;48;44;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

If you have a if you are a person listening to this podcast and yeah, maybe you’re coach, you want to become a coach, but now your ears are like perked up because maybe you have kids or family or whatever. What would your advice be for parents who, I’m going to just say this bluntly, because I don’t have another way to say it.

 

00;48;44;08 – 00;48;50;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

What would you say to parents who who really, deep down want their kids to be something they’re not?

 

00;48;50;13 – 00;48;54;29

Theresa Garvin

Oh, Amy, because they didn’t get to do what they wanted, that kind of thing?

 

00;48;55;01 – 00;49;17;22

Lauren Brollier Newton

Well, I know this is kind of like a now I’m I’m a sidetracked comment. Like, let’s say your kid and you had dreams that your kid would be super communicative, want to play sports, and now you’ve got the kid who wants to be a programmer and is in their 70s or something like, how do you help parents and thriving families navigate when somebody is not being who you want them to be?

 

00;49;17;25 – 00;49;44;24

Theresa Garvin

That’s why I said in the beginning, I go to what you imagined you would have. It comes out there. Oh, I thought I would have the athlete, I thought I would have the dancer, I thought I would have the straight-A student or whatever. And so as they start to touch that a little bit, go a little bit deeper in why that matters for most of us really at the core, it’s like somehow that will give value to me, about me, right?

 

00;49;44;26 – 00;50;11;07

Theresa Garvin

It’s about it’s about the person who’s holding that. Right. It’s got nothing to do with the kid. So if they can, if they can start to recognize and accept that, that. Okay. So you didn’t get that kind of a kid, but you did get this kind of a kid. And so can you find the strengths and the value and be curious about what this kid holds and maybe why this kid is your kid?

 

00;50;11;09 – 00;50;35;00

Theresa Garvin

You know, because we get what we’re supposed to get right? So whether you like it or not, and so can you still love this child and accept them and learn how to understand and appreciate what they value and what they’re into? Can you still do that even though it’s not your favorite thing, even though it’s not what you wanted or imagined?

 

00;50;35;02 – 00;51;03;22

Theresa Garvin

Can you still love them? And so, you know, that’s a lot easier to answer when they’ve started to write a vision for the kind of family they want to create. So if you’re a loving, supportive mother who gives, you know, unconditional love in your vision and, you know, makes your kids want to grow and thrive, what would that mother do in this situation if they have a kid turn out to be differently than what they wanted?

 

00;51;03;24 – 00;51;12;13

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s beautiful. And what do you do for the parent who they weren’t accepted by their parents. And so they’ve got all that.

 

00;51;12;16 – 00;51;33;09

Theresa Garvin

There’s that wound. I said, they need to heal. That’s where it is. So I’m not going to spend 20, you know, years going back to your childhood. But I might spend a couple how you spent a couple sessions going back. And if you need more work, we’ll have you go get more work. But sometimes it’s as simple as like identifying this is where it came from.

 

00;51;33;16 – 00;51;51;06

Theresa Garvin

Usually that’s the case, right? I had a parent who did that to me. Right. And so then I had that work out and that feeling right had that feel when it was done to you. Right. And so was there. You know, if you could re parent yourself.

 

00;51;51;08 – 00;51;52;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s so beautiful.

 

00;51;52;11 – 00;51;59;26

Theresa Garvin

Because a lot of times when they do that, when they answer that kind of question, then it comes to them quickly what to do with their own kid.

 

00;51;59;29 – 00;52;09;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah. Because I mean, ultimately I believe that all of us want to be loved and accepted as one of us. I don’t think there’s one person on the planet that’s like, I don’t think I’d like to be loved or accepted. Everybody wants.

 

00;52;09;21 – 00;52;12;28

Theresa Garvin

Everybody. It’s from The Color Purple. Did you ever see the original movie.

 

00;52;12;28 – 00;52;14;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

Critic not.

 

00;52;14;13 – 00;52;21;08

Theresa Garvin

To miss Sheila? Everybody just trying to be loved, Miss Seeley. Yeah, yeah, that’s my favorite lines in the whole movie, because it’s true.

 

00;52;21;10 – 00;52;42;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s so true. And, you know, it’s so interesting. I. I don’t know why I thought this was so mind blowing, but when I was, pregnant and going to have Wyatt, I chose a home birth. It didn’t work out that way, but I birth at home for 16 hours and then births at the hospital for 12 more. And, one of the things the midwife had me do as an exercise is to think about when I was.

 

00;52;42;02 – 00;52;59;18

Lauren Brollier Newton

When you first came out, how would you have loved to be loved? And that was so beautiful. I don’t know why that was so mind blowing for me, because you don’t think back to that moment because you don’t remember it. Yeah, I was like, oh, that’s easy to visualize how I would have loved to be loved. Absolutely. And then I was like, oh, I just hugs, kisses, everything.

 

00;52;59;18 – 00;53;21;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

Safety, nurture, you know? And so then it was easy. And so I think it’s powerful for all of us that our parents or in any relationship, including the one with ourselves. Yeah. To be like, how would I love to be loved? And would I be willing to give even just a tiny slice of that to myself, to my spouse, to my kid, to my.

 

00;53;21;11 – 00;53;42;18

Theresa Garvin

Yeah, well, the last thing I want to say, I didn’t get to this part. And thriving families is often the kids can tell the parents, or at least tell me to tell the parents directly. Like what’s missing? What’s off? Right? They’ll be the ones that will say she will not get off my back, or my father. No matter what I do, it’s never enough.

 

00;53;42;21 – 00;54;02;02

Theresa Garvin

You know, I won the dance recital. I came in first place, and he asked me, what’s next? How are you going to beat that one? I actually had to say that to me once. And I said, was he kidding? She said he might have tried to pull it off like it was a joke, but, you know, even if it was, that’s not funny because that’s like, he knows I’m wired like that, right?

 

00;54;02;04 – 00;54;27;20

Theresa Garvin

So, you know, it’s it’s really important in thriving families for me to also be working on my relationship with the kids and try to be the bridge so that they can also tell their parents, you know, this is what I need, or this is what would make me want to spend more time with you. This is what I think would make our family better if we did more of this, or less of this, or if you could just see me this way.

 

00;54;27;22 – 00;54;30;16

Theresa Garvin

Yeah. So it’s it’s all of that.

 

00;54;30;23 – 00;54;49;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s everything. Oh my gosh. So powerful Theresa. So I’m going to ask you two questions. One is the question that I ask everybody who comes on this program. And so if you were a coach starting from the ground up, you can’t take your email list, you can’t take your clients. You’re just literally blank canvas. But you can take your wisdom.

 

00;54;49;10 – 00;54;53;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

If you were building a coaching business from the ground up, what’s the first step you would take?

 

00;54;53;12 – 00;55;16;28

Theresa Garvin

Trust myself, I would trust myself. Instead of second guessing or thinking or comparing myself to other coaches or, thinking I have to do it because Lauren’s was so amazing. I have to be like Lauren because I did used to do that. So that all of that is very, waste of time. It’s very unhelpful and effective.

 

00;55;16;28 – 00;55;48;27

Theresa Garvin

And, it takes you away from your heart of what brought you into this. So that’s why I would say trust yourself. And just be willing to start wherever you are with what you have and trust that it will evolve over time. So what what I described to you today, I know, is really just the beginning. Like, I know there is a lot more to be, developed and that will evolve from serving families that hopefully some other coaches will want to work with me and help me with that too.

 

00;55;48;27 – 00;55;54;03

Theresa Garvin

Right? Like, there’s a lot to go and I need a lot of other minds to help grow this.

 

00;55;54;05 – 00;55;59;28

Lauren Brollier Newton

I love that, Teresa. So tell us if anybody listening would love to find you, connect with you. Where can they find you?

 

00;56;00;03 – 00;56;23;01

Theresa Garvin

Well, my website is life. You imagine.org and on that website there is if you want to attend an upcoming vision workshop that’s being done virtually on March 1st at 10 a.m. on a Saturday, that, it will take you to, the next. If you go to the next event in the website, you could sign up there.

 

00;56;23;03 – 00;56;38;28

Theresa Garvin

And soon they’ll be on the website April 5th, I’m doing my first all day in person workshop in Newton, Massachusetts with two of my colleagues, as I mentioned, and that will be up there soon, too. But you can email me from there or book a complimentary strategy session.

 

00;56;39;01 – 00;56;47;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

Beautiful, Teresa, thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for what you do in the world. It’s groundbreaking. It’s brilliant. I love it and you’ll have to come back and we’ll talk again soon.

 

00;56;47;10 – 00;56;57;12

Theresa Garvin

I would love that. Thank you. This has been such a pleasure. So much fun, such an honor. You have such great questions and I really feel like it was a wonderful experience. Thank you. Thanks, Teresa.

 

00;56;57;14 – 00;57;02;04

Lauren Brollier Newton

And we’ll see all of you on the next episode.

 

00;57;02;07 – 00;57;33;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

Thanks for joining me this week on The Abundant Coach. Visit our website at Brave Thinking institute.com/coach certification, where you can dive even deeper with additional resources and exciting opportunities. Be sure to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast so you’ll never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, if you loved the show, please rate and review to find out how to jump start your abundant coaching career and more about my journey to seven figure coach, check out our free.

 

00;57;33;12 – 00;57;40;28

Lauren Brollier Newton

Meant to Be a Life Coach quiz available at bti.com/coach quiz. I’ll see you in the next episode.