Here’s What You Need to Know About Why Men Act Interested and Then Suddenly Disappear
…plus 3 “shake-it-off” steps to help you move forward and find the man of your dreams!
Have you run into a scenario with a guy where you feel like you’re getting seriously mixed messages from him? Like maybe he acted way into you, and now suddenly he’s acting distant and kinda cold toward you?
I know how frustrating this can be! You’re probably left wondering, “What the hell?! What did I do wrong? He was so into me and now he’s not.”
But here’s the thing. Chances are you probably haven’t done anything wrong.
Now assuming nothing extreme happened, like you didn’t go all drama-mama on him or scream at him or scratch him or anything crazy like that – and I’m trusting you didn’t! – then there’s usually a straightforward explanation for why he’s gone cold.
It might not be an explanation you’re gonna love, but it’s the truth (and understanding it will help prevent you from feeling bad in the future if a guy sends mixed messages or straight-up bounces).
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A man’s self worth comes from his ability to provide happiness for you
When they start dating you, they want to feel validated as a good partner, which they do by trying to please you.
So a man might totally wine-and-dine you at the fanciest places and open doors for you. He’ll go above and beyond to be charming, funny and sweet – Mr. Chivalry himself! Because your happiness validates his worth as a viable romantic partner.
Early on in the courtship, he’ll be especially eager to please you, because he’s aware of the possibility of competitors, and he wants to outdo this competition!
This all sounds great so far, right? Here’s the problem though…
Men’s brains are not wired like women’s brains, which are wired to understand and process deep emotions at a very efficient level.
As a woman, you are able to tell super fast how you feel about a relationship. A man’s ability to tune into how he feels is much less adept.
Dr. Louann Brizendine, a neuroscientist who wrote both The Male Brain and The Female Brain explains it like this…
A woman’s ability to understand how she feels is like the Autobahn, a massively high-speed, eight-lane superhighway in Germany. A man’s ability to understand how he feels, on the other hand, is like a two-track wagon wheel trail.
Long story short? It takes a man longer to figure out how he feels about you.
This is why everything between you can feel like it’s going wonderfully and he seems super into you, and then BAM! He has the revelation that maybe this isn’t something he wants long term, and he disappears right in the middle of the process of wooing you.
Therein lies the mixed message. One moment he was acting gaga, now he’s GONE.
Even worse, he may have bounced without even communicating a compassionate and direct explanation to you. Because as I explained before, men hate disappointing you – even if they don’t want to be with you.
They’d rather have their arm chewed off by an alligator than upset you!
Being a disappointment in a woman’s eyes is like kryptonite to a man’s self-esteem, so it’s easier for them to just vanish than have a tough conversation.
If you’re feeling frustrated, confused or down on yourself, here are three steps to help you shift your experience of what’s happening, and help you move closer to the man of your dreams that’s still out there waiting for you.
SHAKE IT OFF STEP #1: Remind yourself of the truth
Remind yourself that there is an absolutely amazing man out there who will adore you for exactly who you are.
Your ideal man will be consistent and congruent with the kind of life and kind of relationship that you want to have, which means you won’t need to worry about him splitting town. Because he’ll want to be there.
And a guy who’s going to bounce this early isn’t someone you want down the line, because you want and deserve someone who is into you 10,000% for the long haul.
So really, really tell yourself this. Write it down. Say it aloud! He. Is. Out. There. Your dream relationship isn’t just possible, it’s your destiny!
SHAKE IT OFF STEP #2: Release, don’t resist
This man who has iced you out has given you a gift – he has shown you who he is. He’s just fallen away from your life. It’s tough to hear, but people do what they want, and he didn’t want to be there enough to stick around.
Celebrate this reality and release him! Don’t resist what’s happening and get hung up on him or try to gain his interest again. This will be a waste of your precious time and energy, which is better invested in loving yourself and meeting someone new.
Because you know what? This guy leaving your life is creating an opening for the right guy to move into your life! And that’s AWESOME.
SHAKE IT OFF STEP #3: Generate gratitude
SHAKE IT OFF STEP #3: Generate gratitude Okay, now hold on. I know you might thinking, “Mat, generate gratitude? For what? Why would I be grateful for this guy? He’s a total jerk!”
Well, listen, here’s the key to attracting the right person into your life: You absolutely have to put yourself on the vibration of love. And practicing gratitude can help you do this!
Like attracts like, we know this to be true. So if you start to resent this guy and this situation, and you start to stew in your anger and feel bad for yourself, guess what? The world will bring you more situations to resent! It’s really that simple.
Instead, shift your mindset to one that asks, “What can I be grateful for in this situation?” Now you’re now on a different vibrational level, and the world will bring you more things to be grateful for!
So for example, you might try thinking to yourself, “I can be grateful for the few fun dates we had. We had a lot of laughs, and dates are good practice for more dates.” Or, “I am so grateful that he left quickly and didn’t drag out the relationship for six months before deciding I wasn’t the right fit for him!”
You can be grateful he freed up space for a better partner to enter, or for all the things you learned about yourself and dating in the process.
Bottom line: There is always, always, always something to be grateful for, a gift, in any situation. The more you’re able to see this, the more good stuff you’ll begin attracting into your life.
The million-dollar question is, what can you actually do in a situation when a guy who was hot on you suddenly runs cold or vanishes?
Dating setbacks are part of the process of finding lasting love
Remember no matter how disheartened you get, that the road to finding love, just like the road to any dream, is going have some speed bumps. Or potholes. Or detours. You get it. 😉
But if you just keep going, you’re going to get to your destination!
It can be tempting to get down when you feel rejected, but remember that every one of your dating experiences is making you the person you are – the perfect partner for someone else!
And remember, you always have a choice in how you react to any situation. So when a guy runs cold and disappears on you, you can either wallow in the pain and disappointment of that, or you can shake it off and keep moving forward!
Want deeper insight on what attracts an amazing, committed man? Here’s my FREE gift to you!
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