What Men Need in Order to Commit to You

Today I’m going to share with you the one little thing my wife did, that took me from completely doubting a future in the relationship, to 100% committed and ready to give it everything I had.

Because if you get this right in your relationship, you’ll have an adoring man ready to give you all his energy, love and care…

…a man who can’t wait to experience new things with you, plan the rest of your future together and love you wholeheartedly!

My wife’s unexpected discovery that saved our relationship

The funny thing is…

My wife Irene didn’t even know what she was doing when she inspired me to commit 100%. She just happened to stumble upon the #1 principle men need in order to commit themselves to you entirely.

Here’s the story…

8 months into my relationship with Irene, she felt me pull back. We’d been dating long distance and I was starting to feel hesitant. What Irene didn’t know at the time was that  I was having some serious doubts about our future. 

Now I’d like to point out here that these sort of doubts are common with A LOT of men (and even women). There’s been times we’ve all experienced them.

For me, the belief that was causing my doubts was this: I needed to be 100% certain if I was going to marry someone. 

My wife and I had been together two and a half years at this point… And I was far from 100% certain about marriage. Small doubts had been creeping up… thoughts like, “What if this doesn’t work out? What if we get married and then it all falls apart?”

And because I didn’t address them, these small doubts snowballed into massive doubts. Eventually, these doubts escalated into a full-blown belief that something must be wrong with the whole relationship!

And so I pulled away. And Irene (of course!) could feel it. What was an amazing, loving, intimate relationship up to that point became an anxiety-inducing mess. 

The curveball that changed everything

What did my wife do that helped me completely eradicate all my doubts? 

One day she calls me up and says, “Okay, look. I’m noticing your language is distant, always phrasing things like ‘it’s yours’, or ‘it’s mine’. There’s this level of separation… I really want to move forward with somebody who wants a life together. And I would love for that person to be you. But if it’s not, maybe we should just go our own ways.”

Now, I laugh looking back because my wife told me later that she was actually shaking when saying this…

But what really impressed me at the time was that she seemed so calm, confident and at peace. It was like she had already made peace with us breaking up.

It was this feeling of Mat, if it doesn’t work out… I will be okay and I will go find somebody who loves me just as much as I love them.

And that was powerful to hear.

You see, for her to say she would ‘be ok’, freed me from the guilt of a potential breakup that might’ve clouded my judgement. It helped me clear my mind and figure out what I actually wanted without the fear of hurting her or feeling incredibly guilty.

When you aren’t worried about what could potentially happen, you can clearly see what you truly desire!

But that’s only half the process…

Because what she did next was what helped me release my doubts  about the relationship, and fully commit…

She gave me a timeline!

“You’ve got 3 days to figure out what you want,” she said “And then let’s talk after that.”

Whoa.

We’d been together 2 and a half years… and I got THREE DAYS!

I’ll be honest, there was a part of me that felt that was unfair. 

But it was really a gift because I came to discover something from this…

Time doesn’t deliver clarity. Depth delivers clarity. 

It doesn’t matter if you give your man 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 years to figure it out. If he doesn’t go deep, he’ll never see what he really wants.

Her timeline forced me to go deep… and it forced me to do it instantly. 

And that was exactly what I needed in that moment.

I had to go deep and really ask myself the tough questions, really challenge my preconceptions and blow my paradigms apart. These were questions I didn’t want to confront. Things I would’ve put off if she hadn’t applied a bit of pressure.

I had to really look at my thinking. The thoughts of ‘if I have a little bit of doubt, it means this isn’t going to work out…’

And that’s when it hit me.

There were lots of couples I interviewed for my book that had some doubts when they got married.

But all the most important things lined up and they made their decision based on faith. The faith that there’s a reason they were together. 

When I remembered this, I immediately began to see that there must be a reason I felt all this love for Irene. 

From there, my paradigms shifted and I knew deep down I wanted to be with Irene  — and no one else.

What’s funny is I’ve had friends tell me before they got married they were 100% certain they were with “the one,” not a shred of doubt. 

And today… They’re divorced!

Of course, a little bit of doubt doesn’t mean you will get divorced. Everybody’s got their own journey. 

But remember, time doesn’t give someone clarity. Depth gives clarity.

If you feel your man pulling back and you want to counteract that… His willingness to go deep, his willingness to ask the tough questions is what matters. That’s what will make the change.

And you can encourage him to go deep, if you do exactly as my wife did!

The steps are as follows:

1. Sit down together.
2. Have an honest conversation and tell him how you feel. (This helps him release any unconscious guilt he might have about a potential breakup — so he can get really clear.)
3. Give him a timeframe as a goal (if you’ve seen any of my courses you know men love goals!)
4. Finally (and this is REALLY important) leave him to do the thinking. Encourage him to go deep and ask himself those uncomfortable questions.

If he’s truly into you, he’ll put in the work and come running back when he realizes what his heart truly wants. 

And if not?  You deserve to be with someone who’s going to give you 100%, and nothing less. 

Make your man NEED commitment to you

My wife and I have now been married for 9 years and been together a total of 13 years. From the moment I made the decision to go deep, I realized the flaws in my limiting beliefs and I knew I was committed and ready to give it my all. 

BUT…

I couldn’t do that until I was freed from the guilt of potential consequences, and my wife gave me a timeline I HAD to stick to. 

So now we come to you…

Knowing what you’ve just discovered, I encourage you to try these steps out for yourself! 

And for a deeper dive into my strategies, tools and solutions for resolving struggles of communication with your man, finding it difficult to understand what he’s thinking, or simply wanting to build a deeper and lasting attraction…

Check out my Cracking The Man Code program! 

Inside, you’ll discover the hidden INNER MOTIVATIONS of men (like what causes him to naturally open up and connect, or what you can do to ignite attraction in him), and how to work with these hard-wired codes to attract a great man and create the passionate, committed relationship of your dreams.

Finally, I want to hear from you…

Do you have advice for other women on what to do when your man starts pulling away?