00;00;03;23 – 00;00;32;14

Lauren Brollier Newton

Welcome to the abundant coach. I’m your host, Lauren Brollier Newton. This is a weekly podcast about creating full spectrum success with a thriving coaching business, while making a profound difference in the world. Each week, you’ll discover insights, strategies, and inspiration to help you attract your ideal clients. Facilitate real transformation in their lives, and grow your coaching business while living your purpose with true freedom and fulfillment.

 

00;00;32;16 – 00;00;48;13

Lauren Brollier Newton

All right, well, welcome to the Abundant Coach and man, have I got a good one for you today. This is a person who personally changed my life who doesn’t know it. But we’re going to talk about that today. And let me tell you a little bit about him before he jumps on. He is the CEO of Neuro Gym.

 

00;00;48;15 – 00;01;09;29

Lauren Brollier Newton

He also this is one of the things that inspired me most when I first started to read his books was he took a Remax franchise real estate franchise from basically a start up, had a dream of having a billion with a B dollar company. Kind of got laughed at in the real estate community, and ended up turning that into a 4 billion with a B dollar company.

 

00;01;10;01 – 00;01;31;07

Lauren Brollier Newton

He brought a company public. He’s had multiple New York Times bestselling books. His newest book is Inner Size, which we’re going to talk about today. But this is the book that changed my life. The answer and, he’s also in a little movie I think some of you know, called The Secret. So without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to John as a John.

 

00;01;31;09 – 00;01;33;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

What a pleasure to have you today.

 

00;01;33;08 – 00;01;38;18

John Assaraf

Thank you. Learn what, what a wonderful opportunity it is for me to be with you and your audience.

 

00;01;38;20 – 00;01;54;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes. So one of the things that I wanted to start with today is I’ve heard you talk about the Frankenstein brain, and I’ve heard you talk about the Einstein brain. And I also noticed that you have both of these gentlemen sitting behind you. I don’t know if you want to show with your camera.

 

00;01;54;14 – 00;02;26;14

John Assaraf

Well, I call these the, the Stein, the cousins Einstein and Frankenstein’s monster. And, as somebody who’s, a behavioral neuroscience researcher, I’m studying the human brain every day. My own first, And I even have my own little, you know, plastic screen to to look inside to, to understand a little bit more. I’ve just been fascinated with the, the different facets to our brain, the different parts of our brain and how powerful our brain is.

 

00;02;26;17 – 00;02;49;24

John Assaraf

But we were not born with the user’s manual, and our parents certainly didn’t have the user’s manual on how to train us, conditioned us properly, and we’ve been learning so much about the human brain and how amazing it is. There are parts of our brain, like Frankenstein’s monster that’s always going like, what if you fail? What if you miss out?

 

00;02;49;26 – 00;03;11;17

John Assaraf

Are you good enough? Are you smart enough? What if you’re embarrassed or ashamed or ridiculed or judge? And what would that mean? How will you feel? Negative. Negative, negative. But then we have this other part of the brain. The Einstein part of the brain. It’s actually we know it’s the left prefrontal cortex. So we know that there’s different cortexes or areas to the brain.

 

00;03;11;19 – 00;03;39;07

John Assaraf

And just like, an orchestra or a band, each member of the orchestra plays a different instrument. Different parts of our brain do different things. And when we understand that it’s our brain, I can control which part of my brain is active or not, and I can turn it on or off like a light switch. It puts me back in the driver’s seat that can be a conductor of the orchestra.

 

00;03;39;10 – 00;04;05;21

John Assaraf

Instead of some noisy band member, you know, messing up the the music. And so I’ve been studying to understand, like, how did I change? How did so many of my 1200 real estate agents change and the over 100,000 students that I’ve had? You know that I teach my, brain science and success principles to, I’ve just been fascinated with that.

 

00;04;05;21 – 00;04;10;14

John Assaraf

And that’s what I love to learn, teach, use and get better at.

 

00;04;10;17 – 00;04;29;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

Okay, so I have a I think a a deep question. And you said no questions are off limits. So where do you think the spiritual side of our nature or if that’s the thing that you believe in the spirit side of our nature, the infinite self, where do you think that comes in? In the dynamic with the brain?

 

00;04;29;08 – 00;04;59;03

John Assaraf

Well, a brain is an organism, right? If we if you think about the human body, there’s nine systems in the human body. Cardio vascular system, endocrine system, digestive system, nervous system. We have, you know, a heart, a brain, lungs, liver. We have all of these other organs that work synergistically together. What allows all of it to work in?

 

00;04;59;03 – 00;05;44;14

John Assaraf

Perfect. Well, maybe sometimes not so perfect, but what created it? Whatever it is that created it must still be within it. That is what I call the spiritual or intelligence side of our being. And we are part of a much grander intelligence. Right? That is the creative force, the energy, whatever you want to call it, God, whatever it is that created all of it, whatever allows the, the, planets to elliptically orbit around the sun at dizzying speeds as the, Milky Way galaxy is moving at a million miles an hour.

 

00;05;44;17 – 00;06;23;01

John Assaraf

When you throw up a ball, by the time it drops in your hand, we’ve moved 18 miles in one second. Boom, boom. Moved 18 miles. So you’re never in the same place. We’re not being hurled off of this planet that’s spinning at 17,000mph. What what has allowed that? What allows that to happen? Yeah. Allowing the drink that I just had before this session, you know, to be absorbed into my cells and, and and the, the nutrients that I had during lunch to be used as energy to activate the mind.

 

00;06;23;08 – 00;06;56;12

John Assaraf

It’s like it’s it’s like a holy moly. Holy, right. Yeah. What’s the spiritual side within every human being. And so I like to, start with that first, if I am part of that which created me, if I am, which I think I know, then why don’t I create from there and then use my emotions, the energy that’s in motion regulate my energy, right.

 

00;06;56;15 – 00;07;23;08

John Assaraf

Sadness is an energetic emotion. Guilt is shame is, happiness is fear is an emotion. But I can regulate those with some skill learning. Then I have my mindset, right that I can focus on this or that I can give this a meaning and that a different meaning I can choose, I want this, I don’t want that.

 

00;07;23;08 – 00;07;53;12

John Assaraf

I want more of this, less of that. So I now I can use my mental abilities. And then I have this, this thing, you know, we call, my body. Then I can move into action or in action using my decision making abilities, or in many cases, it’s more the habits that I have, the drive, the behavior. So now I have what I call as my simp model S at the top for spiritual E below that.

 

00;07;53;12 – 00;08;28;15

John Assaraf

Because emotions do drive behavior because feelings. For my mindset, which I can have much greater self-control on my self-talk, my focus, my awareness, those are skills I can learn. And then if I can get this physical body to take the action that I need to take in order to achieve my health, wealth, career, business goals, which are all knowable already, there isn’t a goal that somebody on who’s watching this wants to achieve, for the most part, 99.9% of them that it hasn’t already been achieved.

 

00;08;28;19 – 00;09;02;11

John Assaraf

So how to achieve the goal is the least of your concern? Yes. So how do you create? What I call is coherence, harmony, flow between spiritual, emotional, mental and physical. No differently than when you’re a conductor of an orchestra. Your job is to get the different musicians to play in concert in the in flow. When that happens, all the instruments just oh my God, it sounds and feels amazing.

 

00;09;02;13 – 00;09;09;27

John Assaraf

Yeah, one instrument is off. What happens? It’s it’s chaotic.

 

00;09;10;00 – 00;09;25;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

Well, I love what you just took us through in the spiritual. At the top of that model, the spiritual of how you laid out, looking at all of this and not realizing how magnificent that that is. I mean, you can feel it. When you were talking about, I felt my heart expand. I’m like, yes, I’m part of this.

 

00;09;25;18 – 00;09;27;15

Lauren Brollier Newton

I’m a part of this.

 

00;09;27;18 – 00;09;51;23

John Assaraf

When I look out my window, I see the ocean. And and if I went to the water and I took a bucket of ocean water and I went, let’s say 5000 miles or 3000 miles inland where there is no ocean water. And I looked inside the bucket. Wouldn’t the ocean water in the bucket be part of the ocean water that I got it from?

 

00;09;51;25 – 00;10;24;25

John Assaraf

Yes. Well, whatever it is that created me is a part of it, not within me. Then then that intelligence is within me. Yes. When you start to think about and really like be be quiet and be aware of the perfection that’s going on with just eating, breathing, sleeping, being aware, talking, being able to go left or right right now or the move forward or backwards right now.

 

00;10;24;28 – 00;10;29;28

John Assaraf

And, and and think and it’s like, wow.

 

00;10;30;00 – 00;10;52;23

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s amazing. It’s it’s so impressive. Yeah. How much has to be working for us to be having this conversation. Yeah. And how much gratitude that we can feel for the perfection of that. Yeah. So this leads me to another question. So you’re talking about, you know, Frankenstein’s. Did you say Frankenstein’s monster?

 

00;10;52;26 – 00;10;54;04

John Assaraf

That’s Frankie’s monster.

 

00;10;54;08 – 00;10;55;22

Lauren Brollier Newton

Frankie’s monster. And then.

 

00;10;55;25 – 00;10;58;23

John Assaraf

Monster. Doctor Frank created the monster.

 

00;10;58;25 – 00;11;16;00

Lauren Brollier Newton

Right? So we’ve got that part of our brain. We’ve got the Einstein part of our brain. If I’m noticing my Frankenstein being activated, is there an easy way that you would recommend to move into more of that Einstein creative rest? I just create create space.

 

00;11;16;03 – 00;11;31;02

John Assaraf

Yes. But before we go there, ask yourself this question. When you drive a car or you’re a passenger in somebody’s car, do you appreciate that the car has brakes?

 

00;11;31;05 – 00;11;36;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes, certainly. I know in Wyoming and there’s a million deer that cross the road.

 

00;11;36;05 – 00;11;56;29

John Assaraf

So I mean brakes. But you also like to have the gas pedal so you can go faster, slow. Stop. Do you like having, like, if you’re in any of the new cars? And let’s say you get too close to a car in front of your beep or you’re backing up and you’re too close to the curb or to another car, a beep, beep, beep beep beep, beep beep.

 

00;11;57;05 – 00;12;16;23

John Assaraf

And it gives you an like an early warning detection of hey, stop, stop, there’s a car coming and there’s a or, your, your light goes on on the dash and you look and you go, oh, wow, I’m low on gas. The left tire is low on here. Do you like that? Yeah, memory tells me. Well, of course I do.

 

00;12;16;23 – 00;12;59;28

John Assaraf

Well, start loving your Frankenstein’s monster, because your Frankenstein’s monster is not your enemy. That part of your brain has been developing for hundreds of thousands of years to bring forth to you real or imagined danger or discomfort. So, if there’s a chance that you might fail, well, who the heck wants to fail? You know, warn you that what you’re thinking of doing or what you’re about to do has a risk or a chance of failure.

 

00;13;00;03 – 00;13;29;27

John Assaraf

So. Okay, great. What do I need to know about the possibility of failure? Do I have the right mindset in place? Am I talking to myself positively? Am I regulating my emotions so I take action instead of retreat into perceived safety? Do I have the right plan in place to take action and navigate my way to the end result that I want?

 

00;13;29;27 – 00;13;59;28

John Assaraf

Or am I in a state of doubt or or uncertainty? So whenever my brain, your brain, every brain functionally works the same feels doubt or uncertainty. It starts to worry, and worry activates the Frankie’s monster. So there’s nothing wrong with being afraid. There’s nothing wrong with having doubt. There’s nothing wrong with having uncertainty. There’s when you have certainty, you have confidence.

 

00;13;59;28 – 00;14;38;22

John Assaraf

When you have confidence, you take action. So whenever there’s a chance of failure or a chance of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, judged, disappointed, abandoned, unloved, rigid, acted, whatever. Whenever there’s a chance of that happening, an untrained brain allows Frankie’s monster to run wild and run the show. And when Frankie’s monster runs the show, you’re in a state of retreat or comfort zone, and then you just stay stuck and you procrastinate.

 

00;14;38;22 – 00;15;04;01

John Assaraf

You self-sabotage, and you don’t take the action you need to take, even though you need to take the action. So first and foremost, we have to understand that that this thing inside our skull is running the show. And it has three core networks like computer networks, turn on or off. It has three core networks that do different things.

 

00;15;04;04 – 00;15;38;29

John Assaraf

When one network is on, the other two are off. And now we go to, circuits. So when the motivational circuit is on, it connects directly to the behavioral circuit. Motivation equals your. But if there’s motivation but fear is there. Fear wins because we do more to avoid pain or discomfort than we do to gain pleasure, success, pain of what we want.

 

00;15;39;01 – 00;16;23;17

John Assaraf

Now, isn’t this all about understanding how my brain works a little bit, understanding what triggers my fear circuit? What triggers my self-doubt? What triggers my self-talk that may be negative or disempowering? What triggers these emotions that cause me to freeze or procrastinate or. Or like I’m frozen in fear, as I just mentioned. But what’s causing that? And the answer is either something external that’s being processed internally, that’s triggering a circuit, that’s eliciting a behavior.

 

00;16;23;19 – 00;16;59;08

John Assaraf

Procrastination is a behavior. Self-sabotage is a behavior. Taking action or not taking action is, behavior. So if I am not taking the action that I could easily find out what I need to do, then something is going on with the circuit that’s controlling that. So that means I have to become more aware of when my fear circuit is active.

 

00;16;59;10 – 00;17;20;01

John Assaraf

I’ll do one of four things. The reaction is automatic. Some people, when they’re in a state of doubt, fear, worry, uncertainty, etc. they will just freeze. It’s like they will do nothing. They’re like, you know what? Let’s talk about that later. And then they and they flee.

 

00;17;20;03 – 00;17;20;24

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah.

 

00;17;20;27 – 00;17;58;08

John Assaraf

Other being like, God, I want to I want to get this done when they try really hard. And there’s actually other people when they’re in a high state of fear, they’ll actually faint. But fight flight freeze is the natural reaction when that circuit is on. Right? So the first thing to understand is part of the brain. We have the brain stem, from the brain stem, there’s the nervous system and there’s something called the vagus nerve, not Las Vegas, but it’s Vegas is the vagus nerve, and it’s broken down into two, two, systems.

 

00;17;58;08 – 00;18;35;12

John Assaraf

Basically one is called the sympathetic nervous system. That’s the fight flight freeze. Right? High adrenaline, cortisol stress can be good. But then there’s something called the para sympathetic nervous system. And that’s when Einsteins on track. Yeah. So how do we move from sympathetic to parasympathetic, from reaction to responding? That’s what we’re dealing with. Now when I’m in a state of reaction, my focus becomes myopic.

 

00;18;35;12 – 00;19;01;28

John Assaraf

It becomes narrow, my heartbeat increases. Cortisol or adrenaline is going through the body. And I’m like, I’m breathing heavy and I’m I’m either fighting, freezing or fleeing, procrastinating, self-sabotaging. But if I just did this, take six. Calm the circuit. Here’s what it goes. When I’m when I’m in a state of fear, doubt, worry, stress, anxiety, even panic wears two different breathing techniques we can use.

 

00;19;01;28 – 00;19;20;27

John Assaraf

One is called take six, calm the circuits. And so the first inner signs that I teach in my book and my app, and all you have to do stop. And then you breathe in slowly into your nose. You focus on the air flow in here. And then when you’re breathing out, you breathe out like you’re breathing out through a straw.

 

00;19;21;00 – 00;19;48;18

John Assaraf

Did you do that six times? You deactivate Frankie, you activate tiny, and now you’re in the sympathetic part of your brain. And that means you are able to respond to the negative thoughts, the negative emotions, the doubt, worry, fear, anxiety and threat that may be real or imagined. And so I could do that. Or if I want to do it faster, I can do something called the physiological side.

 

00;19;48;18 – 00;19;56;24

John Assaraf

And you go like this.

 

00;19;56;26 – 00;20;16;10

John Assaraf

So you breathe in and then you breathe in a little bit more, and then you release it. Three, four of those done your sympathetic turns off parasympathetic goes on. And now we can now think with that sympathetic brain active we are not thinking. We are reacting.

 

00;20;16;10 – 00;20;17;03

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes.

 

00;20;17;06 – 00;20;48;02

John Assaraf

The key at the highest level of training we have had around that thing. You always react at the highest level of implicit training that we have. So if there’s a threat, I’ll give you an example. Let’s say, you’ve never borrowed money and you need to borrow $10,000. You might be, oh my god, $10,000. Oh my God, I don’t have 10,000.

 

00;20;48;02 – 00;21;10;14

John Assaraf

I need to borrow me. Put on my credit card. What if what if what I’m buying doesn’t work for me? And what if I fail? What if, what if negative. Negative. Now, let’s say you’ve actually borrowed $10,000 100 times what it’s like. Yeah, sometimes I’ve lost some. I’ve learned what to do, what not to do, and how to make sure that that I, you know, invest doing that.

 

00;21;10;16 – 00;21;41;24

John Assaraf

Well, then you don’t have that same fear circuit turning on. So the same training that you have, okay. Around borrowing money the first time with practice, you have a lot more new evidence and new training that you can make decisions from. But the more important part is this when we’re in a state of calmness, we can evaluate, respond instead of react.

 

00;21;41;27 – 00;22;04;11

John Assaraf

So when I’m in a calm state, I can go, what exactly, am I afraid of? I’m afraid I might lose my money. I’m afraid I might lose my time. I’m afraid, I’ll start and not finish. I’m afraid that it won’t work for me. I’m afraid that if I try my best and it doesn’t work, then I’ll actually prove to myself that I am inadequate.

 

00;22;04;11 – 00;22;27;20

John Assaraf

I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy enough. And then you can say, well, could you live with that? If you also have the opportunity to win and to break free and to achieve what you want? And could you mitigate the risk, and could you put a plan in place to actually prevent being embarrassed, shame, ridicule, judge failing, whatever it is?

 

00;22;27;23 – 00;22;54;13

John Assaraf

Yeah, I could do that. Great. Let me go to ChatGPT and come up with my plan, achieve the success that I want. How do I mitigate the risks? I have more confidence and certainty, and I empower myself versus disempowering myself with old beliefs, old behaviors, old failures, old traumas, old experiences. Let me step forth into what I want versus being afraid of what I don’t want.

 

00;22;54;15 – 00;23;17;13

John Assaraf

Yeah, requires different awareness and it requires a different level of training, and it requires a different level of commitment to be bigger than the fear, bigger than the doubt, bigger than the worry. And then we have to leap into the next best version of ourselves. Oh, yeah. It’s all happening in there.

 

00;23;17;16 – 00;23;18;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah.

 

00;23;18;11 – 00;23;34;08

John Assaraf

You have the skill, or you acquire the skill, or you remain in a state of stuckness, repeating the same pattern over and over and over again. Even though you want a better version of you, your life, your business, your relationship, whatever it is.

 

00;23;34;11 – 00;23;56;21

Lauren Brollier Newton

You know the one of the most powerful things about the teaching that you just gave is the fact that we actually have the ability to choose what part of our brain we’re activating, because when you you went through a segment where you said it’s a behavior, it’s a behavior. And I think before I really understood personal development and what you’re talking about, I identified who I was with the behavior.

 

00;23;56;21 – 00;24;20;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

I’m a procrastinator. I’m a scared person. I’m someone who doesn’t like to take risks, not realizing that that wasn’t who I was. That was a behavior that could be learned or unlearned. It could be changed, or I could do whatever I wanted with it. And it was, you know, sometimes I tell our coaches, as they’re becoming life coaches and they’re bringing this value to people to really honor that.

 

00;24;20;05 – 00;24;27;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

They’re teaching something that many people on this planet will live and die, never even knowing they can think a different thought.

 

00;24;27;08 – 00;24;42;03

John Assaraf

Yeah. And and as soon as you said the word like I’m a procrastinator, right. That’s a self identity. I crashed later versus, I procrastinate at times.

 

00;24;42;05 – 00;24;42;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s right.

 

00;24;43;00 – 00;25;17;01

John Assaraf

And here’s the next level of the question, though. What causes progress? The notion that procrastination isn’t always bad. What causes me to self-sabotage my success like I’m self-sabotage? Okay, how come see, when I’m self-sabotaging and I’m blaming and shaming and justifying Frankie’s reinforcing disempowering negative patterns? But when I ask some question, you know, I said, Einstein was a big thinker, right?

 

00;25;17;01 – 00;25;44;29

John Assaraf

He would think about big things. Yeah. I wonder what is causing me to procrastinate. And here’s what everybody who’s watching or listening will discover. There are only three major reasons why we procrastinate. Only three. But for some people, if we want to go there, yeah, I can is for some people actually is an arousal mechanism, not sexual arousal.

 

00;25;45;02 – 00;26;17;02

John Assaraf

It’s an arousal mechanism where the pressure of waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting actually releases stress. Neuro chemicals. Okay. And that gives you almost like this caffeine jolt and then the anticipation of the deadline and finishing on the deadline actually releases dopamine. Think about, regular gasoline for your car versus rocket fuel for a rocket ship. It’s not the same fuel.

 

00;26;17;09 – 00;26;18;11

John Assaraf

Yeah, right.

 

00;26;18;18 – 00;26;37;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

So one of the things I think to to just interject for a moment, one of the things that I think can be hard for coaches starting their own business is that when they worked for someone else, there might have been a deadline for their projects. If they’re starting their own business, there’s like this. There’s less of a deadline they haven’t given themselves a deadline.

 

00;26;37;12 – 00;26;57;03

Lauren Brollier Newton

And so if we’re procrastinating because there’s this lack of that waiting till the last minute, which can feel good even though it feels bad, which is because of the release of that dopamine. I think sometimes for our coaches or entrepreneurs starting their own business, it’s like, how do we I mean, then maybe this number one isn’t the best way.

 

00;26;57;03 – 00;27;07;24

Lauren Brollier Newton

Maybe I should have waited till you get through all three. But that lack of a deadline or lack of a stimulation of want to grow this business, could be an issue.

 

00;27;07;27 – 00;27;31;02

John Assaraf

Yeah. So for some people, it’s the arousal mechanism. And students feel that a lot. And the deadlines feel a lot. And then, you know, they get they get things done. It’s a combination of those principles and Parkinson’s law combined to get it done. But there’s two other reasons that that that that happens. And that is we talked a little bit about this earlier.

 

00;27;31;04 – 00;27;47;07

John Assaraf

And so let’s say you are a new coach or you want to be a coach, but you don’t yet have the skills to be a great coach. Yet you’re you’re learning how to coach. You might have some life skills, some business skills. And you can talk and share with you, but you don’t have the process. You know, down pat.

 

00;27;47;12 – 00;28;05;08

John Assaraf

You don’t have the syntax of do this, first ask this, then do this, analyze this, create this. You don’t have it yet, so you have doubt and uncertainty. And so there’s self-talk going on in the back of your mind. Well you know what if I tell them the wrong thing. What if what I tell them doesn’t work?

 

00;28;05;14 – 00;28;43;09

John Assaraf

What if they think like, God, you’re not really that good of a coach? So all of the what if negative, which is on high alert for is an early warning detection mechanism that shows up in your self-talk and in your emotional state. And so if there’s a fear of failing of of not giving the right advice of them asking for their money back, if there’s a fear of anything that we’ll call that a disempowering negative, you know, then we are going to feel that possibility in the present moment, and that’s going to alter our behavior.

 

00;28;43;13 – 00;29;08;18

John Assaraf

So fear stops us from taking action in the absence of the skill of what to do. When I feel, but then the third one is our hidden self image. So your hidden self image. I remember Lauren when I was, 19 and I got into real estate. I used to go into the office every day with a suit.

 

00;29;08;18 – 00;29;24;19

John Assaraf

My, my, my sister and her husband were in the clothing business, so I had nice suits and, And I used to wear fake glasses. These are real because I need them to see at 63. And, but back then, they were fake with just glass, so I would look older because people would ask me, how old are you?

 

00;29;24;21 – 00;29;42;08

John Assaraf

And when I told them how old I was, they would never do business with me. But when I tell them old enough to get the job done, they would do it this way. But I used to have a fear that I would sell a 100 or $200,000 house. A I lived in an apartment that was like $800.

 

00;29;42;10 – 00;30;11;12

John Assaraf

I was leasing a car. I didn’t feel qualified enough. Smart enough, old enough to help older people buy homes. So my self-talk was, like, so damaging back then, and I had to work on my self-talk. But I also didn’t have the self image of a successful real estate agent when I was 19. It was May of 19th June of 1980.

 

00;30;11;14 – 00;30;42;29

John Assaraf

So self image causes people to procrastinate. Image will cause people not to make the phone call, not to follow up. It’ll cause, so now we have arousal. We have self-image, self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, identity. That’s one bucket. But then we have fear that will hold us back. So now I’m self-sabotaging and or procrastinating because of something going on in here.

 

00;30;43;02 – 00;31;17;26

John Assaraf

Yep. That my brain is perceiving, you know, out there. Yeah. So first and foremost, there’s nothing wrong with how you are behaving except you’re not going to achieve the results you want. So the better question should be, okay, now that I know that I’m procrastinating, what must I do? What must I change to activate my motive for action circuit versus my motive for inaction?

 

00;31;17;26 – 00;31;47;18

John Assaraf

Circuit number one is procrastination and self-sabotage. Now it’s a skill. Now it’s a rewiring your brain, experience. And that’s why I got into inner sizing so much. Because you can you can gain the confidence and certainty by doing things out there. But you can also build self confidence and certainty, self-image and beliefs by rewiring your brain for unstoppable success with a self-image.

 

00;31;47;22 – 00;32;11;17

John Assaraf

You can, teach yourself how to feel fear and use it as your fuel because the neuro chemical of fear, right? Cortisol is very, very, very powerful. That you can use in between cortisol, and dopamine. That’s actually what’s needed for flow state. Everybody thinks that that a flow state of harmony and flow is like it’s like, oh, everything’s so cool.

 

00;32;11;17 – 00;32;34;06

John Assaraf

It’s okay. No, no, no, it has a little bit of the rocket fuel in it. So you want to have a little bit of the stress and neurochemical, cortisol, adrenaline, epinephrine, whatever it is with a little dopamine anticipating the outcome, the reward. And that’s a perfect cocktail, you know, for performance. But most people try to like,

 

00;32;34;09 – 00;32;42;03

John Assaraf

I don’t want to feel that. No, no, you do want to feel that. You just want to turn it, okay. To use it for you instead of against you.

 

00;32;42;05 – 00;32;59;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

I have the skill set. I think that’s the big thing is, like, we we can change building the skill set to change, to recognize it, to know what to do. That’s like there was something there was something you said there. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. There was something, that I’ve heard you talk about before that I thought was so powerful.

 

00;32;59;16 – 00;33;19;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

I think it’s really powerful for coaches to hear, because I heard you talk about when you were, taking your agents as you were building to $4 billion, taking agents through an inner game. And you mentioned as you talked about it, it’s not that you don’t know what to do. You know what to do. You have you know, you know, whatever it is, knock on doors, send out fliers, hold open houses.

 

00;33;20;03 – 00;33;49;04

Lauren Brollier Newton

You realize it wasn’t that agents didn’t know what to do. The inner game was totally off. And I think that it’s so true for most of us that it’s not that we don’t know what to do. We have more information now than we’ve ever had before. Available at our fingertips. It’s the inner game, so I would love to hear a little bit about back in those days, what were you realizing were some of the main things that those agents needed to master in their inner game that brought you from 1 billion or whatever you were doing, to 4 billion?

 

00;33;49;06 – 00;34;06;14

John Assaraf

When I was, 20 and I got into real estate, my first mentor, Alan Brown, had me create a vision for the life that I wanted where do I want to travel? What kind of home did I want? What kind of card I wanted, what kind of, gifts that I want to buy for myself, for others.

 

00;34;06;14 – 00;34;25;27

John Assaraf

What? I don’t want to take care of my parents. What charities that I want to support. You and me write it all down as a is a vision that I have no idea how to achieve. And then he asked me if I was interested or committed to achieving it, and he told me that if I was interested, I would do it’s easy and convenient, and I would let my present or past circumstances control what I do or don’t do.

 

00;34;25;29 – 00;34;49;19

John Assaraf

But if I was committed, I would upgrade my identity. I would upgrade my beliefs, I would upgrade my skills. I would upgrade my habits to match the vision and goals. And then every day I would sit. I’m looking for something I might have right over here now. Every day I would sit and I would look at, you know, my goals.

 

00;34;49;21 – 00;35;12;15

John Assaraf

I would write out, what do I need to believe in order to achieve these goals? What do I need to learn? And then what do I need to do? And I would look at this every day and I would use these affirmations. I would visualize myself achieving, when I got into real estate, I was making $1.65 an hour at a shipping department for Philips Electronics.

 

00;35;12;17 – 00;35;34;03

John Assaraf

My first goal was to make $10,000 a month, and it might have as well been a million a month from from $1.65 an hour, which was, you know, a few hundred dollars, you know, a month I want to make 10,000. And it was like 15 x back then. I didn’t believe it. But my mentor said to me, well, what would you need to believe?

 

00;35;34;03 – 00;35;48;25

John Assaraf

I said, I would need to believe I’m smart enough. I need to believe I’m capable of. I need to believe I can do it. I need to believe it’s possible. And I wrote all this stuff down. This is great. I want you to read it every day. Write it out. Put your hand across it. Left or right.

 

00;35;48;28 – 00;36;12;17

John Assaraf

Now, then right to left. Send a signal from your fingers to your brain. Then I want you to visualize believing this right now. And the first. I remember this more in the first three four weeks I would read this. You know, I’m so happy and grateful for the fact that I am now earning $10,000 a month, and then I would hear this little voice going, bullshit!

 

00;36;12;18 – 00;36;13;28

John Assaraf

No, you’re.

 

00;36;14;01 – 00;36;15;14

Lauren Brollier Newton

Exactly.

 

00;36;15;16 – 00;36;37;10

John Assaraf

What? What? And then I go, I’m so happy and grateful for achieving $10,000 a month. Who are you lying to? You’re lying to yourself. You’re not achieving that. You’re making a buck 65 an hour, one day, three days, five days, seven days, ten days, 21 days. And that was starting to get a little momentum. I was starting to feel a little bit different there, start to stand up a little bit differently.

 

00;36;37;12 – 00;37;14;21

John Assaraf

So I started to use affirmations. I started to visualize, even though seeing that I didn’t, it was it wasn’t easy. But practice is what makes permanent patterns or soft wired patterns. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes permanent. So I was perfectly practicing new self-talk language patterns. I was perfectly practicing seeing it happening, and then I was perfectly practicing sales skills that I was learning every day from the manager of the real estate office.

 

00;37;14;25 – 00;37;35;29

John Assaraf

Here’s a script. Here’s what you say. Here’s what you ask. Here’s what you do. If they say A and you say B, And so I learned, a play. Think of it. I learned a play like a Hollywood actor or a New York, actress needs to learn the lines. I had to learn my lines for the role that I had.

 

00;37;36;02 – 00;38;10;21

John Assaraf

And so every day, for 1 to 2 hours, I would practice my script. Then I recorded it onto cassette tapes, and then I could listen to it while I was driving. And then I couldn’t visualize while I was driving with my eyes closed. But I would see the images in my brain sometimes clear, mostly not clear. But between reading it, hearing it, reciting it, repeating it no differently than a Hollywood actor or actress gets a script they’ve never seen before, and they become the role through spaced repetition.

 

00;38;10;21 – 00;38;50;00

John Assaraf

In practice, I practice being more confident, being smarter, being more skilled, being somebody that people would like and trust. I practiced until I became it. And then we say, fake it till you make it. No no no no no. Just practice it till you become it. Yeah. Take it. Just practice it. And because of neuroplasticity in how the brain works, anything that we repeat for 30 days, 60 days, preferably 100 days, the neurons that fire together will wired together.

 

00;38;50;03 – 00;39;11;09

John Assaraf

The neurons are fire and wired together will become dominant over a period of 60 to 100 days. And when we become, you know, dominant in a certain language pattern, visual pattern, emotional and behavioral pattern, then we start to develop what’s known as a habit. Then a habit starts to build itself.

 

00;39;11;11 – 00;39;12;25

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes.

 

00;39;12;27 – 00;39;38;06

John Assaraf

So what we have to focus on is simplicity at first. And let’s say give yourself at least 100 days to go from being a clumsy beginner who doesn’t believe, okay, to a novice who starts to believe, to somebody who can now build from being a novice like you, don’t expect to go into a, martial arts studio and says, I’m here for my block.

 

00;39;38;06 – 00;39;56;10

John Assaraf

My. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Do you know any martial? No, no. Today’s my first day. Or go to, you know, a, a, a symphony, a world renowned services. Okay, I’m ready to play. And the goal. Well, what do you interview and not yet know, but I’m here, ready to play. We all start off with clumsy beginners.

 

00;39;56;10 – 00;40;28;17

John Assaraf

So, all of you coaches, where are you? On a scale of 1 to 10 on your journey, are you, like, a level ten already? Chances are no, I’m. No, I’m not even a level ten. I get paid ten grand an hour to coach people. I’m going to raise it to 25,000 an hour. So there’s a there’s a portion of that we have to remember is I need to practice my craft no differently than a surgeon practices her craft to practice my instrument.

 

00;40;28;19 – 00;40;32;26

John Assaraf

And for us coaches, our instruments are marketing, selling and coaching.

 

00;40;33;01 – 00;40;33;25

Lauren Brollier Newton

Let’s write.

 

00;40;33;27 – 00;40;49;25

John Assaraf

Those are our instruments. And you will only do as well as how well you do that. Coaching. But marketing and selling. And if you don’t do the marketing and selling, that’s okay. Then you need to find somebody to do that for you. Yeah.

 

00;40;49;27 – 00;41;07;03

Lauren Brollier Newton

Absolutely. So this leads me, I think, perfectly to be able to share with you, John, how you changed my life. You didn’t know it, but you did. And what I did over the course of it was 40 days. But then it continued. And I’m going to share it with you briefly because I think it’s helpful, a helpful demonstration.

 

00;41;07;06 – 00;41;28;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

But also then because you can break down the, the neuroscience of what I did based on this book. The answer so I had a, I had a side network marketing this I was a teacher. I was making like $3,000 a month, you know, eating garbanzo beans or whatever it is. And, I had a little side business, but for three years it was stuck at $500 a month, $500 a month.

 

00;41;28;09 – 00;41;42;29

Lauren Brollier Newton

And a friend of mine just said, I read this great book is called The Answer. I think you’d like it. I think it might help you get unstuck. So I’m reading about what you say about affirmations, and I think to myself, I can do this. This is easy enough, and that’s what I love. John, is the simplicity of what you’re sharing.

 

00;41;42;29 – 00;42;01;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

It’s like it is not. It doesn’t mean it’s necessarily easy to stick to something, but the simplicity of it, it’s like I can write an affirmation, I can repeat it. So but something that you said and I don’t remember if it’s exactly what you said or I, I read it implied is that you had affirmations, not just about your business.

 

00;42;01;27 – 00;42;16;23

Lauren Brollier Newton

They were affirmations about your life and your relationships. And and at that time in my life, I had a deep, dark secret. And that deep, dark secret was I had just gotten married, but I felt like it was a bad thing. And I literally like wedding presents were still in their boxes and I thought, this is a disaster.

 

00;42;16;23 – 00;42;34;08

Lauren Brollier Newton

But it was a secret that I didn’t even want to acknowledge to myself. But as I was reading the answer, I thought I should really make some affirmations about this to them. That was a brave step for me. So I had six affirmations that I repeated, memorized, repeated, and I had an hour commute to work. And the first 15 minutes I just repeated this and they were.

 

00;42;34;10 – 00;42;51;19

Lauren Brollier Newton

I, wake up every day with passion and purpose. I generate 20,000 a month now. I was kind of like you. I was generating 3000 a month. Took a big leap there. And I help other people build their dreams because I was in a network marketing company. My three affirmations about love were I grow deeper in love with my husband every day.

 

00;42;51;19 – 00;43;22;03

Lauren Brollier Newton

We’re affectionate with one another. We build dreams together. I said this so dedicated for 40 days straight, I didn’t have a like. I’m going to quit if it doesn’t work. I just dedicated myself to it. I’m listening to the answer on audible every day I’m repeating these affirmations and two things happened that month. It was November of 2017, 40 days into these affirmations, my husband comes home and he says, you’re not my dream girl.

 

00;43;22;06 – 00;43;38;24

Lauren Brollier Newton

And then he says, you know, I don’t want to. I don’t want to be with you the whole deal. So now I’m a newlywed. I find him leaving. But the crazy thing is, John, and I know you’ll understand it, but I didn’t in the moment. But the next morning after he left, I’ve been up all night. I’m sick to my stomach.

 

00;43;38;24 – 00;44;09;28

Lauren Brollier Newton

I’m. You know, I’m obviously anybody who’s been left understands it. But that next morning, what pops into my head? My husband and I go deeper in love every day. I generate $20,000 a month, and I remember looking up at the sky and thinking to myself, well, those affirmations didn’t work. But I had a realization is that, oh my gosh, if this person didn’t love me and I’m affirming every day for 40 days and changing my own self-image because my self-image was changing, that I was no longer a match to him continuing to stay in that relationship.

 

00;44;09;28 – 00;44;34;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

Because over 40 days, not only did my self-image change about who I was as a woman because I had super low self-image before that, but I went from $500 commission check to $2,500 commission check that same month. And it was that awareness, after reading the answer and applying this that I said to myself, this cannot be coincidental. This is not woo woo.

 

00;44;34;12 – 00;45;01;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

There’s something that’s happening in my brain, in my self-image, that’s causing my life to change. And it was that month that a friend of mine said, do you want to go to this thing? It’s by this lady, Mary Morrisey. It’s called Dream Builder Life. And, I said, this is my honest, transparent thing. I said to the friend who invited me, I said, it looks kind of corny, but however it looks like it’s in alignment with this thing I’ve been doing with the answer.

 

00;45;01;02 – 00;45;22;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

So let’s go. And then the rest is history. Mary, I’m now the Director of Coach certification here and have helped tens of thousands of people, but it was following what you said in the answer that caused everything to change in my life, including my relationships. I’m now married again and everything else. But thank you, John. I’ve wanted to thank you for going on seven years now.

 

00;45;22;09 – 00;45;55;27

John Assaraf

I love it. Well, thank you, and let’s bring this back full circle to spirituality. So we talked about earlier on that. You know I have systems right? Nine systems have a brain, heart, lungs liver etc.. I’m made up of 100 trillion cells like 100 trillion little marbles. 85 billion of those are brain cells that receive and send out information, energy information.

 

00;45;55;29 – 00;46;28;09

John Assaraf

Right. That’s what it is. Yeah. I am standing, in, this vacuum of space time. And even though I cannot see air, I know it’s here. I know the air has hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon in it. I know that if there was a snake, for example, in the room. Right. It would know that I’m here because it’s picking up on my energy and my vibration.

 

00;46;28;11 – 00;47;00;12

John Assaraf

Is it possible? Everybody, let’s have a little bit of fun. Is it possible that I am vibrating, oscillate, emitting a frequency of my dominant thoughts, my dominant emotions? The energy of this hundred trillion cell structure, molecular structure, atomic structure into this field that we call is the quantum field, right? We we have a physical side to our being.

 

00;47;00;14 – 00;47;10;10

John Assaraf

We have, a chemical side. We have an electrical side, but we also have an atomic side. We have atoms inside of us. Right?

 

00;47;10;16 – 00;47;11;02

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes.

 

00;47;11;06 – 00;47;49;26

John Assaraf

The atomic scale. And so if I am this molecular structure and my thoughts, what I say to myself causes me to feel a certain way, increase or decrease the amplitude of the vibration of my body, and I am in harmony with what I say, whether it’s good or bad, negative or positive, constructive or destructive. And if I’m in the energetic field of what I desire, then I start to resonate with it.

 

00;47;49;26 – 00;48;18;03

John Assaraf

But I also start to repel what does not resonate with it. Yes, that’s what happened to you. That’s happening to all of us. And part of the challenge is that many of us are, you know, thinking positive, but, you know, or dreaming positive. But we are thinking and feeling negative or fearful or worried or doubtful. And so now we’re messing up the signal and we’re wondering why is it not happening?

 

00;48;18;05 – 00;48;45;10

John Assaraf

Well, because you’re not in coherence. So how do you get into coherence? Well, start speaking to yourself differently. Start regulating how you’re feeling. Get into alignment. Start creating your vision boards and your affirmations and your goals and your strategies for how are you going to achieve it. You create more alignment and coherence, and that’s how you achieve goals versus just having a vision and goals.

 

00;48;45;12 – 00;49;02;03

Lauren Brollier Newton

It was so powerful. I mean, looking back, I can see exactly what happened. But in the moment I’m like I said, I’m listening to the answer on audible and I’m repeating my affirmations at least 15 minutes on the drive to work on the drive home. But throughout the day, as stuff was rising up so that truly became the dominant pattern.

 

00;49;02;03 – 00;49;25;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

Now, if you fast forward almost seven years into the future, I generated $20,000 a month in my coaching business. Then $80,000 a month and whatever it was, I help other people build their dreams. Now I’m a dream builder coach certified by Mary Morrissey. All these things I said back then, even the loving relationship when he left, I never stopped saying my affirmations because I still wanted it.

 

00;49;25;15 – 00;49;44;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

And then pretty soon, you know, all the all the other things in my life came to be. So we have a thing that we do it brave Thinking institute. We have these dream achieved moments. So telling John Nazareth that he changed my life is a dream achieved moment for me. So I’m putting it up on the screen so that we can hold on to that.

 

00;49;44;14 – 00;50;08;10

Lauren Brollier Newton

So one, something that you said I was listening to, I don’t know, somewhere I listen to you all the time that it could take 66 or 60 to 365 days to override. And that caused me to think, okay, let’s say I go 61 days. Do I have to start over? And it doesn’t work? Or is my brain already formulating what needs to be for me to create start overwriting.

 

00;50;08;13 – 00;50;15;22

John Assaraf

So think of it as like renovating your home or kitchen, right? It’s going to take a bit of time to renovate the kitchen.

 

00;50;15;25 – 00;50;16;11

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah.

 

00;50;16;13 – 00;50;38;00

John Assaraf

So you have to design what the new kitchen looks like. Then you have to tear out what’s there. And then you want to rebuild. And, and that just takes some time. Some of the latest research from the University of Toronto, shows that in order to, we call it, re firing to rewire the brain.

 

00;50;38;02 – 00;51;01;27

John Assaraf

So when I have lots and lots and lots and we’re going to learn a new language right now. Okay. Let’s say I learned the words. Yes. No. Happy sad water, bathroom of hungry. What if I learned if I, learn at one time? I’m going to be using, a part of the brain called the hippocampus for short term memory.

 

00;51;01;29 – 00;51;27;28

John Assaraf

But if I repeat something three times, ten times, 20 times, three times, 100 times a thousand times, it moves from the short term memory into the long term memory. And that’s the cerebellum part of the brain. Again, another part of the brain. So we know that it takes about 66 days on the low end to 365 days for a more complex pattern to reinforce itself so that it becomes dominant.

 

00;51;27;28 – 00;51;52;28

John Assaraf

That’s just that. Just how long it takes is like saying, how long does it take to renovate a kitchen? Well, I guess it depends on, you know, the builder, the contractor and, and and, how much you want to spend. Yeah. In order for us to, like, a simple habit. Doesn’t take that long, but a more complex habit or habitual pattern takes a little bit longer.

 

00;51;53;00 – 00;52;21;10

John Assaraf

I share with all my students this. Would you be willing to invest a little bit of time every day for 100 days? If you could transform your life into being more confident, more positive, more certain, more in control, and achieve some of the success that you want so you can get some momentum, and then 100 days you’ll do that and say, listen, you’re not going to change everything in 100 days.

 

00;52;21;17 – 00;53;09;12

John Assaraf

But if we can build some habits over the next 100 days and we can build on those habits for three months, six months, 12 months, two years, three years, the trajectory of where you’re going to end up is like, unbelievable. Yes. The reason I created my app with 525 inner sizes that are 10 to 20 minutes long, is to is to make it easy for people to visualize and be mindful and use mental contrasting and affirmations in first person, in third person, in every area of their life for health, for sales, for leadership of self leaders, of a team, for for self performance, for managing stress, managing fear, magic, overwhelm, managing anxiety.

 

00;53;09;14 – 00;53;33;00

John Assaraf

Those are skills you learn. And if you have the right training, then you get better. Most people won’t do it on their own unless they have some kind of guidance, right? Because they just don’t have the habit of doing it. But if you make it easy for them to, like, listen and visualize that emotional lies while they’re doing other stuff, then it becomes a lot easier.

 

00;53;33;03 – 00;53;36;15

John Assaraf

And so, that’s just how the brain works.

 

00;53;36;16 – 00;53;37;16

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah.

 

00;53;37;19 – 00;54;16;28

John Assaraf

We have, you know, 85 billion cells. And those cells, we create new connections. Every cell connects to 7000 other neurons in the brain, 7000 connections. Some of them connect to 100,000 other neurons. And the connections create your reality. So if, you have disempowering, you know, self deprecating talk, or a lack of emotional control, but that just because you’re conditioned to let’s just change the training and let’s just change the wiring and you change the outcome.

 

00;54;16;28 – 00;54;33;02

John Assaraf

It’s like upgrading your software on your mobile phone or on your computer. Like you, you’re not using software from five years ago because there’s newer, better, faster, cheaper. Well, why not upgrade your brain software, the most powerful bio computer in the whole universe.

 

00;54;33;04 – 00;54;51;13

Lauren Brollier Newton

So powerful. So let’s talk a little bit about inner size. What I love about the book Inner Size is it’s so practical. Well, the answer to I mean, everything you do is super practical, but it’s easy to apply. And then you have an app too that makes it easier for people to do it on their own. So I would love for you to give them a link where they can find that.

 

00;54;51;13 – 00;54;56;26

Lauren Brollier Newton

And then I have two more questions for you. So where can they find the inner size? Book app, all of that.

 

00;54;56;29 – 00;55;19;10

John Assaraf

So the book inner size, my book having it all, my book, The answer are all available on Amazon. And my newest book is called Inner Size. The New size to unlock your brain’s hidden power. The app is available at inner size.com, and you can get it there. It’s like, I think it’s like ten, 12 bucks a month.

 

00;55;19;12 – 00;55;52;04

John Assaraf

Or $79 a year or $199 for lifetime. And there’s all the all the, all the things that we do for, for each different one there and there, each one of the inner sizes cost $1,500 to create. There’s like $650,000 of inner sizes in there that are professionally written, crafted. And I act as people’s, you know, mindset and emotional and behavioral coach, in the inner sizes and, and just go look at the reviews in the App Store and you’ll you’ll see it’s so powerful.

 

00;55;52;07 – 00;56;13;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

Oh, so worth it. Because, I mean, if you just look at my story, I’m a school teacher. I’m making $3,000 a month. I’m married to this guy that doesn’t care about me. And I do these some of these inner sizes for a very relatively short amount of time and everything changes. I mean, what better of a thing could you invest in than the happiness and health of your life?

 

00;56;13;09 – 00;56;29;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

And then not only my own life, but how many people I’ve been able to help and support because I got out of my own way through some of these exercises. So everybody I mean, go get inner thighs. It’s going to be life changing. Absolutely. So I have two more questions for you and then we’ll bring this in for landing.

 

00;56;29;12 – 00;56;48;07

Lauren Brollier Newton

We’ll have to have you back. So I’ve I’ve actually got about a thousand more questions for you, but we’ll bring it in for a landing with two. So I just had a baby. I have a, I have a five week old baby son. And I think a lot about, you know, his subconscious mind is forming right now is he’s soaking everything in.

 

00;56;48;13 – 00;57;07;01

Lauren Brollier Newton

So I know you have kids. If you knowing all you know, now, at 63, we’re raising a baby or a child. What are some of the things that you would be sharing day to day as you’re raising them that would support them in maybe starting a little stronger than we we did when we were kids, when we didn’t have this information.

 

00;57;07;03 – 00;57;45;00

John Assaraf

Yeah. So we learn what to believe. We learn how to think. We learn what to do with emotions. We learn empowering or disempowering behaviors or habits. So my question this is what I did with my sons is what would they need to believe so that they had the self-confidence and certain beauty in them versus me? What would they need to understand about emotions?

 

00;57;45;02 – 00;58;09;19

John Assaraf

Right. Which are triggered in the subconscious? Just mind that then release neurochemicals that cause feelings. So what do they need to know about feelings and emotions that they have to suppress them or express them? That they can change them or they’re unchangeable? Do they need to have a growth mindset or a closed mindset? What do they need to believe about themselves?

 

00;58;09;19 – 00;58;30;23

John Assaraf

That they’re good enough, smart enough that they can overcome, you know, whatever comes their way, that they can ask for help. And that’s perfectly okay. So I was, for example, very deliberate with my kids in not keeping pain, suffering and failure away from them, but teaching them and showing them. Here’s what I’m doing about it.

 

00;58;30;25 – 00;58;32;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yeah.

 

00;58;32;14 – 00;59;04;13

John Assaraf

So whenever, you know, I’ve struggled, you know, my children were a part of the struggle. Whenever I was looking to achieve something, I would show them, here’s how I plan to achieve the goals. Here’s my planning process. Here’s my action process. Here’s my evaluation process. Here’s my rituals. Here’s my daily practices. Yeah, right. And, my children have seen me fail in business and rise.

 

00;59;04;13 – 00;59;29;01

John Assaraf

They have seen me overcome being an alcoholic. They’ve seen me overcome being a sugar addict. They’ve seen me go from 243 pounds to having an eight pack at 63, you know. So they’ve seen all of this. They’ve seen me being borderline diabetic and hypertensive. They’ve seen all that stuff. And we have talked about it. And here is here’s what I’m challenged with.

 

00;59;29;04 – 00;59;38;02

John Assaraf

And here is my plan. Or I am struggling. And here’s what I’m not doing about it and doing about it.

 

00;59;38;04 – 00;59;56;14

Lauren Brollier Newton

You know, when I was pregnant, I, a good friend of mine, lost a loved one, and I would. I was crying, and I remember telling him in my belly, the reason I’m crying and the reason that I’m upset is because I love her so much. And so I was just describing to him what I was going through.

 

00;59;56;14 – 01;00;16;05

Lauren Brollier Newton

And that, of course, will continue. But that’s so beautiful. But I also think, one of the things that you’ve brought to us today, John, that’s so brilliant, is I want everybody to notice how he’s asking questions, asking questions of himself, asking questions of what would he have to believe, think, talk about, be saying to himself, the power of the questions are so, so awesome.

 

01;00;16;08 – 01;00;40;12

John Assaraf

And by the way, whatever you ask, your bio computer, that’s a $100 billion bio computer. It will answer. So if you say, why me? Why is this happening to me? Oh, well said. Because you’re an idiot. You’re not smart enough. You’re not worthy enough. You’re a failure. You know what? The world knows it. That’s a silly question, right?

 

01;00;40;16 – 01;00;41;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

Right.

 

01;00;41;11 – 01;01;07;05

John Assaraf

If you say like, what is the cause of why this is happening? Like, what can I do about it? What can I learn? What can I change? What can I discover? Who can help me? Where can I, where can I learn more? So the power of the question either opens up the computer to helping you. It’s no, listen, think about artificial intelligence right now.

 

01;01;07;06 – 01;01;31;23

John Assaraf

We’ve just entered an era that will dwarf the Renaissance era, dwarf the agricultural industrial computer revolution, dwarf it. You know what you must learn how to do? To ask the multi-billion dollar, you know, AI tools how to properly crop or ask the questions. Yes, there’s there.

 

01;01;31;26 – 01;01;32;09

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes.

 

01;01;32;09 – 01;01;52;04

John Assaraf

So I’ve had people, students of mine tell me. Well, I’ve tried to use it. It doesn’t work. And I said, well, what do you mean it doesn’t work? It works better than anything you’ve ever had at your disposal. Is it possible you’re just not skilled at asking it in a way that it can give you what you need and more?

 

01;01;52;06 – 01;01;53;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

That’s right.

 

01;01;53;15 – 01;02;13;10

John Assaraf

So it point out there. No no no no no. What can I do differently? What can I learn? Who can help me? What what needs to happen? Like the power of our questions determines the power of our focus and emotions, and the power of our focus and emotions. Determine what I do or don’t do.

 

01;02;13;13 – 01;02;46;01

Lauren Brollier Newton

So powerful, so powerful. All right, so I ask everybody that comes on the podcast this question. As for the last question, so you are not allowed to use your black Book Rolodex email list. All of that is stripped away, and all you can take with you is the wisdom that you’ve gained over these 63 years. If you had to start a coaching business from the ground up with none of those resources except your wisdom, which is, of course, the most important, what would be your first move if you were starting a coaching business from the ground up?

 

01;02;46;04 – 01;02;49;05

John Assaraf

Do I have access to any technology you do?

 

01;02;49;05 – 01;02;55;19

Lauren Brollier Newton

You can access technology you just can’t take, like your email list and your contacts and all that stuff.

 

01;02;55;21 – 01;03;29;22

John Assaraf

First thing I do is I would, speak to every family member or friend to let them know what I am doing and to see if they know if they need any help or they know somebody that can help. And I probably do some free work to get some testimonials from them. Part one. Part two. I would make sure that I have, 1 to 2 social media channels that I’m willing to get really good at understanding how to use them, because each one of them is different, and I prefer to go deep versus wide and play on the surface or two.

 

01;03;29;25 – 01;04;11;10

John Assaraf

I would create an insane amount of content around the things that I coach on, but more specific around the problems that my ideal coaching client is facing, and I would help them solve those problems with, tips, tools, techniques, methods. And I would be serving people nonstop. I would be doing, masterclasses, I would be writing blogs, I would be doing videos like, I, I filmed 14 new videos today, you know, little three minute videos that are going on, you know, on social media twice a day.

 

01;04;11;12 – 01;04;27;01

John Assaraf

And I would get, you know, get my marketing machine in place. I would learn how to generate leads, how to qualified, convert and nurture leads. I would build my entire process from A to Z by the weekend.

 

01;04;27;03 – 01;04;42;12

Lauren Brollier Newton

Sean, as RAF just gave you a business plan right there. Listen to him. He knows what he’s doing. John, what a pleasure. You’ve changed my life. You’re a blessing to all of us, and the massive amount of value you give is so generous. Thank you for being on the abundance Coach.

 

01;04;42;14 – 01;04;53;08

John Assaraf

My joy. And it’s an appreciation for you and my dear friend Mary Morrissey, who is a beautiful, loving, caring, amazing soul and her whole family.

 

01;04;53;10 – 01;04;55;06

Lauren Brollier Newton

Yes. Amen. Thank you John.

 

01;04;55;08 – 01;04;59;01

John Assaraf

Thank you so much, Lord.

 

01;04;59;03 – 01;05;35;27

Lauren Brollier Newton

Thanks for joining me this week on The Abundant Coach. Visit our website at Brave Thinking institute.com/coach Certification where you can dive even deeper with additional resources and exciting opportunities. Be sure to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast so you’ll never miss an episode. And while you’re at it, if you loved the show, please rate and review to find out how to jump start your abundant coaching career and more about my journey to seven figure coach, check out our free Meant to Be a Life Coach quiz available at bti.com/coach quiz.

 

01;05;36;00 – 01;05;37;26

Lauren Brollier Newton

I’ll see you in the next episode.